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help with blurbs for my fantasy trilogy


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#1 rockondon

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Posted 31 December 2017 - 10:32 AM

Here are the blurbs for my fantasy trilogy that takes place on the ocean floor. Any input is welcome. 

 

1111111111111111111111111111111111111111111

He’s reckless, impulsive, and barely eighteen, but Flynn Arcturus is the best damn pilot on the ocean floor. In his short lifetime, he’s dealt with angry sea dragons and seductive mermaids, but nothing could have prepared him for the death of his parents.

Flynn’s parents aren’t the first to die under mysterious circumstances. Many residents of Seahaven, the domed underwater city where he lives, are getting killed by seemingly random acts of misfortune. When he investigates, he discovers an ancient threat, imprisoned for centuries, once again endangers Seahaven.

Equipped with superb piloting skills and an extraordinary ship built by his genius brother, Flynn may be the only one who can save Seahaven. But when he discovers what he’s up against, he realizes he’s out of his depth.

 

22222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222

When eighteen-year-old Flynn Arcturus discovers the existence of an ancient human city with a past so dark it was intentionally removed from their histories, he couldn’t be more excited. Until he learns the evil race that killed his ancestors have occupied it ever since. 

            Accompanied by Kylara, a fiery-haired female assassin with curves that would melt the vows from a priest, they must navigate through a city of enemies, all the while avoiding an assassin with godlike fighting abilities and a deep-sea pirate set on harvesting their souls to power his evil magic. 

 

3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333

Nineteen-year-old Flynn Arcturus discovered little from tomb raiding on the ocean floor, until he uncovers an artifact capable of eradicating his people. As a nation of evil creatures sets out to kill him and use the staff to destroy his civilization, his only hope resides in a distant city filled with cutthroat members of every evil race in the depths. 



#2 Kirk39

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Posted 31 December 2017 - 02:38 PM

Are these supposed to be descriptions like you would read on the jacket of a book, or are they queries you want to send to agents? (Because this changes how I would give feedback.) Would you be sending all three descriptions at once to agents or just the first one?



#3 rockondon

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Posted 31 December 2017 - 04:38 PM

They're blurbs for 3 books I'm self-publishing, like you would read on a book jacket (although they're ebooks on amazon). I won't be talking to agents. 



#4 Kirk39

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Posted 31 December 2017 - 06:27 PM

Okay, that makes more sense. The first blurb is pretty solid and will probably hook readers, but the second and third blurbs could use more info and more voice. 



#5 Ajax

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Posted 31 December 2017 - 08:25 PM

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#6 Preston Copeland.Biz

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Posted 15 May 2018 - 06:52 PM

Hey RockLondon!

 

I know I'm late to the party, been off this forum for like 5 months.

 

Anything new you got, send it my way!

 

Good luck!


Preston Copeland

Website: prestoncopeland.biz

Twitter: @pcopeland2345

Email: pcopeland2345@gmail.com





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