Thanks for looking at my synopsis again!
MARK BIDERMAN lacks the confidence to follow his dream of being a writer, so he settles for a career in law. He fights his aversion to the work until stress causes two hernias, chronic knee pain, and a bad back. Mark becomes aware of a deep sadness at what his life has become.
You start your query with Mark playing a passive role. He lacks confidence, he becomes aware. I would rephrase this, emphasize a more active quality. Emphasize the passion rather than his lack of confidence. This beginning just doesn't make me want to learn more about Mark.
All his life, Mark Biderman has felt a deep passion for writing. But he's it's a risky career choice, so he attends law school instead, only to hate his job and suffer a myriad of stress-related illnesses.
Go directly to the next paragraph, where he's doing something about his bad situation.
So he quits law, and takes a solo road trip to Mexico. On the way he learns about himself. A lover in San Miguel de Allende shows him how he slyly pleases others to avoid rejection. A healer, SILVIA,
a healer, points the way for Mark to seek his true desires.
Mark moves hom e, to MOM who p ositions her psychologist to convince Mark to return to law. Instead Mark decides to become a party clown. There’s little money in it but for the first time he feels on track. Later he picks up his old guitar, ditches the clown suit, and begins performing for young children. Eventually, he makes a living at it. It’s fun, and his body feels better.
Mark meets DENISE at Silvia’s spiritual group, and he begins dating her. She too would prefer that Mark return to law, but regardless, they fall in love, marry, and have two children.
Mark feels pressure to better provide for his family. He pivots from itinerant musician to founding
setting up a bricks-and-mortar children’s music center. But the center fails and Mark feels forced to accept a teacher job in the South Bronx. He senses that he is off-path again, but he’s determined to make it work.
A lioness of a principal uses questionable practices to run Mark’s new school. With the help of his aide, MRS. WASHINGTON, Mark tries, but fails, to conform to the PRINCIPAL RODRIQUEZ’S requirements. He works hard, goes to school at night, He works at night or takes night classes, himself? and doesn’t understand why he isn’t making it. Making what? He's getting bad performance reviews? Rodriquez torments him. Her tough-love message is that anything less than “all in” won’t fly. Mark resents the trial by fire. He vents the stress in daily writing sessions. Rather than confiding all this to Denise, he tells BRYNNE, his telephone peer counselor, who lives in a distant state. It is easier to tell Brynne because she has nothing at stake. On the same day that Denise finds out that Mark is fired, she also learns that Brynne is his primary confidant. Denise asks Mark if he loves Brynne and he says he doesn’t know. Denise tells Mark that their marriage is over because Brynne has become his “go to” girl. Oh, so they never slept together? All this time, I'd though they had a physical affair.
I still feel like the part with the principal is the most clunky part of your synopsis (like it was clunky in the query). Is ther any way you could streamline it?
Mark immediately consults Silvia. She disagrees with Mark’s conclusion that his life is falling apart. Rather, she says, his victim mentality is breaking. She believes that he is now ready to take responsibility for everything he is creating in his life.
So he doubles down and works on repairing his relationship with Denise.
Mark gets back together with Denise. It takes a year for them to mend their relationship, but their relationship becomes stronger as a result. Mark also builds back his career as an itinerant musician.
Then, Mark blogs an inspirational essay on trading his briefcase for clown shoes, it goes viral, resonating with thousands of readers fed up with working soul-crushing jobs. A big literary house wants a memoir in the style of the much-tweeted piece.
Knowing that Mark’s memoir will expose their private lives, Denise threatens divorce. As Mark decides what to do, Denise signs on to give a TED talk in Switzerland despite her acute dread of public speaking. What is Denise giving a talk about? It's a big deal getting onto TED. What does Denise do that's special? Mark, Denise, and their two children decide to make this a family adventure. A travel mishap necessitates a seven-hour forced march through the mountains. But the next morning, Denise talks from her heart (not about the agreed-upon subject) What is the agree-upon subject? and the crowd goes wild. Mark is very proud of her.
When they return, Mark agrees to help his former aide, Mrs. Washington, by appearing as a witness in a Bronx jury trial. He sits next to Principal Rodriquez, also a witness, in the courtroom. Mark and Ms. Rodriquez see each other in a new light. Mark realizes that Ms. Rodriquez did him a favor by showing him the door. He is now a writer. Mark volunteers to give a concert at his old workplace, and Rodriquez accepts. In the aftermath of the successful event, Mark decides that he is willing to break the contract for his memoir, and re-conceive it as a novel, thus shielding Denise. But when he arrives home, Denise tells him that she will let him publish the memoir.
I think this is a big step forward, helping us to understand Mark, understand his struggles. I had some questions that I inserted in the body of the text. I also think you can remove some of the specifics, make it more general and then use those extra words to add emotion. Try to make it into a single, fluid story. It feels a bit choppy right now. I know this is all easier said than done. I think you're moving int