See above the dual POV problem. Pick one. Then character, problem, stakes. This is way too vague and blurby. I'm also sort of concerned about the wc and don't understand how it's YA, as they both seem out of range, but there's no age info. If it's YA, you need ages upfront.
All right, I'm back. This is what I came up with. This isn't the query that got me a full request - that one was riddled with annoying rhetorical questions. But I did try to keep it concise, to the point, and avoid any "quirkiness" lol
Here's the entire query to give a more rounded view of the story. I do personalize intros but this is just to give an idea.
I am seeking representation for my contemporary YA novel, SOMEPLACE LIKE HOME, complete at 81,000 words. Due to your interest in__ , I hope that my novel will be a good fit for your list.
Eighteen-year-old Elliot Wexler had spent his high school career preparing for the NHL, but after a violent outburst and a failed suicide attempt, he was ditched by his team and diagnosed with bipolar disorder. When he finds seventeen-year-old, self-proclaimed street rat Lucy Pembroke stealing from his dad’s shed, he thinks that he’s found the cure to his loneliness—until she disappears. Faced with the reality that Lucy lied about her past, Elliot tries desperately to keep her with him. But in his efforts to save Lucy, Elliot might lose himself forever.
Told from two perspectives, SOMEPLACE LIKE HOME is a story about mental illness, teen homelessness and addiction. As a novel dealing with bipolar disorder, it will appeal to readers of ALL THE BRIGHT PLACES and WHEN WE COLLIDED. The theme of overcoming abuse will resonate with fans of ALL IN PIECES. My personal experiences with mental illness, addiction and homelessness inspired me to write this novel.
Thank you for your time and consideration.