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YA Fantasy - VERITY Synopsis


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#1 morgan.spraker

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Posted 07 January 2018 - 05:47 PM

Hi everyone! I finished the first draft of my synopsis, and I'd love any feedback anyone has to offer. I'm more than willing to return critiques if you leave me a link :)

 

 

On a summer night, 18 year-old FEIDHELM MOORE stops at a roadside bar. Estranged from his family and a runaway, Feidhelm exploits his supernatural control over fire in “magic” shows to forget about his isolation. After the show, businessman JOHN KOSTELECKY approaches Feidhelm with a name for his powers—Pyrokinesis, connected to an elite group gifted with elemental magic—and an offer: steal the Verity Archive, a book of truths that he needs to stop an ancient monster threatening the world, and he’ll introduced Feidhelm to his estranged father.

 

Feidhelm assembles a team of teenagers with powers similar to his: EDDY GUTIERREZ, who can control earth, AYO PRESCOTT, a girl desperate to forget her powers over water, and LILY WASHINGTON, whose abilities include seeing color and time travelling. With Lily’s kinesis, they travel to the end of the universe, where the Verity Archive is located and protected by three guardians. While the team battles the first guardian, the ancient monster appears and appraises their kinesises. In a show of its powers, it plunges the world into blinding light and kills the first guardian. Shaken but alive, the team continues toward the book.

 

Facing the second guardian, the team is separated and hunted by soldiers desperate to keep them from the book. Ayo and Feidhelm realize Kostelecky may not have told them the truth about why he wants the book when they don’t find his name among a display of those with kinesises. Deciding to move on, they defeat the second defender and enter the third’s territory, a maze filled with ghosts. Despite the risks, Feidhelm pushes the team forward, desperate to know his father. In a daring and dangerous display of his unreliable powers, Eddy solves the maze. Then, Lily controls time to take them home.

 

When they return and bring the book to Kostelecky, he sends them away. Remembering Ayo’s suspicion, Feidhelm and Lily spy on the businessman and discover he plans to use the book to summon the monster rather than defeat it. The monster appears and begins to steal shadows, creating an overly bright world uninhabitable by normal humans. Kostelecky, who promised the Kinetics as potential hosts for the monster, begs Feidhelm to join him in using the Verity Archive for personal power. When Feidhelm refuses, Kostelecky reveals that he’s his father. As the monster, realizing he has broken his promise, kills Kostelecky, Feidhelm and his team shift their focus to stopping it. Lily realizes her true power is manipulating light. With the help of the others, she manipulates the light and shadows to set the world in balance, but realizes she must return the book to the end of the universe.

 

Knowing she may not be able to return, Lily takes the Verity Archive back to the third guardian, saving the time from which she travelled. After the book is revealed to be part of a larger library, she remains to help people in the dying universe find truths they need to know. As time draws to an end, she escapes to the past and lives out the rest of her life, knowing Feidhelm, Ayo, and Eddy are secure in their proper time.   

 

 

 


#2 MICRONESIA

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Posted 07 January 2018 - 07:10 PM

Hi everyone! I finished the first draft of my synopsis, and I'd love any feedback anyone has to offer. I'm more than willing to return critiques if you leave me a link :)

 

 

On a summer night, 18 year-old FEIDHELM MOORE stops at a roadside bar. Estranged from his family and a runaway, Feidhelm exploits his supernatural control over fire in “magic” shows to forget about his isolation. I would introduce his backstory chronologically. The minor "time jump" threw me off here. After the show, businessman JOHN KOSTELECKY approaches Feidhelm with a name for his powers—Pyrokinesis, connected to an elite group gifted with elemental magic—and an offer: steal the Verity Archive, a book of truths that he needs to stop an ancient monster threatening the world, and he’ll introduce Feidhelm to his estranged father. This sentence is overly complex. I'd suggest breaking it into separate sentences.

 

Feidhelm assembles a team of teenagers with powers similar to his: EDDY GUTIERREZ, who can control earth, AYO PRESCOTT, a girl desperate to forget her powers over water, and LILY WASHINGTON, whose abilities include seeing color How is seeing color an ability? and time travelling. With Lily’s kinesis, they travel to the end of the universe, where the Verity Archive is located and protected by three guardians. While the team battles the first guardian, the ancient monster appears and appraises their powers. What does this mean? In a show of its powers, it plunges the world into blinding light and kills the first guardian. Shaken but alive, the team continues toward the book.

 

Facing the second guardian, the team is separated and hunted by soldiers desperate to keep them from the book. Ayo and Feidhelm realize Kostelecky may not have told them the truth about why he wants the book when they don’t find his name among a display of those with kinesises. If this isn't a typo, then... whoa. This word is a mouthful. Deciding to move on, they defeat the second defender and enter the third’s territory, a maze filled with ghosts. Despite the risks, Feidhelm pushes the team forward, desperate to know his father. In a daring and dangerous display of his unreliable powers, Eddy solves the maze. Then, Lily controls time to take them home.

 

When they return and bring the book to Kostelecky, he sends them away. How? To where? Remembering Ayo’s suspicion, Feidhelm and Lily spy on the businessman and discover he plans to use the book to summon the monster rather than defeat it. The monster appears and begins to steal shadows, creating an overly bright world uninhabitable by normal humans. Neat idea! Kostelecky, who promised the Kinetics as potential hosts for the monster, begs Feidhelm to join him in using the Verity Archive for personal power. When Feidhelm refuses, Kostelecky reveals that he’s his father. As the monster, realizing he has broken his promise, kills Kostelecky, Feidhelm and his team shift their focus to stopping it. Lily realizes her true power is manipulating light. With the help of the others, she manipulates the light and shadows to set the world in balance, but realizes she must return the book to the end of the universe.

 

Knowing she may not be able to return, Lily takes the Verity Archive back to the third guardian, saving the time from which she travelled. After the book is revealed to be part of a larger library, she remains to help people in the dying universe find truths they need to know. As time draws to an end, she escapes to the past and lives out the rest of her life, knowing Feidhelm, Ayo, and Eddy are secure in their proper time.   

 

 

 

This flows well, and I have a good understanding of the main events. My main question is how has the main character grown/changed from beginning to end? What was the tough choice he made? The story begins with Feidhelm, but the last few sentences focus on Lily. This might throw some people. Overall, good job!


A Darkness in Spring (query | synopsis)





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