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#1 pigeononthemoon

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Posted 11 January 2018 - 09:16 PM

I will gladly critique back! Here are potential pitches.

 

Please note that I'd like to stay as close to 140 characters as possible, despite Twitter's new 280 limit:

 

 

Believing himself to be unlovable, casual crossdresser Will Cunningham has one last chance at his childhood soulmate when they’re reunited in college.

 

 

Will has a second chance at his first love; but he'll lose him again if he can't overcome his anxiety. #lgbt

 

 

Will is terrified to find his high school bully now goes to his college. But why is Cian still wearing the friendship bracelet Will made years ago? #lgbt

 

 

Cian has loved Will his whole life. But love won't fix Will's self-esteem or heal his self-harm scars. #lgbt



#2 giffordmac

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Posted 14 January 2018 - 01:48 PM

I really like the first sentence, but I'm missing any kind of conflict. Twitter now gives you 280 characters, so I'd flesh this out a bit (no pun intended).

 

Best of luck!


“We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.” ― Elie Wiesel

 

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#3 pigeononthemoon

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Posted 16 January 2018 - 08:15 PM

Does anyone have preferences/comments/suggestions? Feedback is much appreciated!

 

 

A photography student teams up with his crossdressing first love to save their favorite dance club the gayest way they know how: Sexy charity calendar! #lgbt 

 

 

Will wants to leave his past behind at college; instead he's reunited with the first boy who broke his heart. #lgbt

 

 

Will is terrified to find his high school bully now goes to his college. But why is Cian still wearing the friendship bracelet Will made years ago? #lgbt

 

 

Cian has loved Will his whole life. But love won't fix Will's self-esteem or heal his self-harm scars. #lgbt



#4 sereneew

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Posted 17 January 2018 - 08:38 PM

 

Does anyone has a preference/comments or suggestions? Feedback is much appreciated!

 

 

A photography student teams up with his crossdressing first love to save their favorite dance club the gayest way they know how ( I'm not feeling this part. Perhaps just leave it out or say something like " A photography student and a crossdresser must team up to save their favorite dance club or watch it turn to...( what happens if they don't save it ?) something like that ) : Sexy charity calendar! #lgbt 

 

 

Will wants to leave his past behind at college; instead he's reunited with the first boy who broke his heart. #lgbt ( This is good. ) 

 

 

Will is terrified to find his high school bully now goes to his college. But why is Cian still wearing the friendship bracelet Will made years ago? #lgbt ( OOOh. nice) 

 

 

Cian has loved Will his whole life. But love won't fix Will's self-esteem or heal his self-harm scars. ( this is good too, but I wonder if you can say But Cian is afraid Will is going to reject him if he ever.... Something along those lines so we know that Cian is afraid of something. Like it's the stakes that come in between ) #lgbt 

 


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#5 galian84

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Posted 26 January 2018 - 09:18 PM

I will gladly critique back! Here are potential pitches.

 

Please note that I'd like to stay as close to 140 characters as possible, despite Twitter's new 280 limit:

 

 

A photography student teams up with his crossdressing first love to save their favorite dance club the gayest way they know how: Sexy charity calendar! #lgbt (Cute pitch and idea, but like a previous poster mentioned, I don't see a conflict here. What's going to stop them from achieving their goal? I don't see the stakes) 

 

 

Will has a second chance at his first love; but he'll lose him again if he can't overcome his anxiety. #lgbt (Intriguing, but the conflict seems a bit weak. Actually oops, I just saw your new post...I like your new pitch better. I'd want to know more)

 

 

Will is terrified to find his high school bully now goes to his college. But why is Cian still wearing the friendship bracelet Will made years ago? #lgbt (Probably my favorite of the four, and introduces an interesting conflict. I'd read more based on this pitch!)

 

 

Cian has loved Will his whole life. But love won't fix Will's self-esteem or heal his self-harm scars. #lgbt (Not quite feeling this one. Think a little more info is needed to better outline what's at stake)

I'm no expert, and of course, critiquing only as a potential reader, so just my $.02



#6 pigeononthemoon

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Posted 06 February 2018 - 12:40 AM

 

Thank you! What do you guys think of this one?

 

Believing himself to be unlovable, casual crossdresser Will Cunningham has one last chance at his childhood soulmate when they’re reunited in college.






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