Che Cazzo (Adult Fiction)
Posted 13 January 2018 - 01:02 PM
Posted 14 January 2018 - 01:39 PM
I see that you've got goal, motivation & conflict, but I'm just not grabbed. I think it's because I don't understand why his relapse would mean incarceration. I'd also like to know why he's having a hard time accepting the reason for his addiction.
I know that's a lot to include in a hook, but I think it's important to know what Vincenzo's own situation is, as opposed to any generic addict's situation. Make me root for Vincenzo, not just an addict.
Best of luck!
“We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.” ― Elie Wiesel
Posted 14 January 2018 - 03:16 PM
Posted 26 January 2018 - 10:26 PM
At only 21 years of age, Vincenzo Il'Cazzo, has been addicted to drugs and alcohol for more than half of his life. Fresh out of jail for assault, and thirty days sober, he must come to terms with his criminal past or risk relapse; and relapse would mean incarceration until he is middle aged.
I like this, motivation and conflict are clear. But the end of the hook sounds a little redundant, as you use the word "relapse" twice. If I may..."he must come to terms with his criminal past or risk relapse, which means incarceration until he's middle-aged", or something along those lines.
Current query: http://agentquerycon...yurban-fantasy/
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