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My Hook for my YA Contemporary novel


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#1 AmberA

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Posted 15 January 2018 - 12:13 AM

This is what I have so far: Seventeen-year-old Amber Blake intends to destroy Bradley Jameson; a business associate who drove her father to suicide.

 

 

Check post 8


Would appreciate critiques on my YA- VENGEANCE query: http://agentquerycon...edits/?p=352035


#2 Nessa

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Posted 15 January 2018 - 12:12 PM

This is what I have so far: Seventeen-year-old Amber Blake intends to destroy Bradley Jameson; a business associate who drove her father to suicide.

 

​Any suggestions would be appreciated and also the bottom link is my query  :wink: Wouldn't mind if you took a look at that either! 

 

http://agentquerycon...edits/?p=350461

 

What are the stakes?

 

Also, if this is for a Twitter pitch, you can shorten her age to "17yo." Amber's surname isn't necessary, and you could just refer to Bradley as "a business associate."


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#3 AmberA

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Posted 16 January 2018 - 03:57 PM

What are the stakes?
 
Also, if this is for a Twitter pitch, you can shorten her age to "17yo." Amber's surname isn't necessary, and you could just refer to Bradley as "a business associate."


We are suppose to mention the stakes on the hook? I didn’t know that. My stakes somewhat different than the hook because she falls in love with Mr. Jameson’s nephew that makes her revenge difficult ?

Would appreciate critiques on my YA- VENGEANCE query: http://agentquerycon...edits/?p=352035


#4 Nessa

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Posted 16 January 2018 - 04:55 PM

Protagonist + Conflict + Stakes
 
There are always exceptions, but you need to have an exceptional concept to leave out the stakes.

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#5 rhwashere

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Posted 16 January 2018 - 07:25 PM

We are suppose to mention the stakes on the hook? I didn’t know that. My stakes somewhat different than the hook because she falls in love with Mr. Jameson’s nephew that makes her revenge difficult ?

What do you think of this: 17yo Amber wants to destroy the man who drive her father to suicide. Which would be easier if she wasn't in love with his son.


Please feel free to critique my query: http://agentquerycon...51718/?p=356935


#6 AmberA

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Posted 17 January 2018 - 06:07 PM

I have two alternative hooks, let me know which one is better. 

 

Hook 1: Seventeen-year-old Amber has a plan for Bradley Jameson: seduce his son and plant drug in his house to shut down his business. Bradley deserves it. He drove Amber's father to suicide over a false accusation And he needs to pay. 


Hook 2: Seventeen-year-old Amber has a plan for Bradley Jameson. He deserves it, after all Bradley framed Amber's father over a false allegation that he distributed illegal pharmaceutical drugs, killing innocent lives just to embezzle millions. The humiliation drove Amber’s father to suicide.  And Bradley needs to pay. 


Would appreciate critiques on my YA- VENGEANCE query: http://agentquerycon...edits/?p=352035


#7 rhwashere

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Posted 17 January 2018 - 07:15 PM

I have two alternative hooks, let me know which one is better. 

 

Hook 1: Seventeen-year-old Amber has a plan for Bradley Jameson: seduce his son and plant drug in his house to shut down his business. Bradley deserves it. He drove Amber's father to suicide over a false accusation And he needs to pay. 


Hook 2: Seventeen-year-old Amber has a plan for Bradley Jameson. He deserves it, after all Bradley framed Amber's father over a false allegation that he distributed illegal pharmaceutical drugs, killing innocent lives just to embezzle millions. The humiliation drove Amber’s father to suicide.  And Bradley needs to pay. 

The trouble is, neither of these can fit into a PitMad tweet of 140 characters (in which you also have to include the hashtag #PitMad and preferably a genre abbreviation). These kinds of hooks need to be short on names and unnecessary words/details.

 

The link in Darke's thread (pinned at the top of the Hook Corner) leads to an article that has a bunch of examples of successful hooks. I would use them as inspiration (or copy them, if you have to), and then write a bunch of different hooks in a Word document. You can highlight the hook and click the book icon at the bottom of the page, which will tell you how many characters you've highlighted, including spaces.

 

From personal experience, I can tell you that the first few hooks you write like this will be vague and lame, but the more you work at it and think about what elements make your story unique, the better you'll get.


Please feel free to critique my query: http://agentquerycon...51718/?p=356935


#8 AmberA

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Posted 17 January 2018 - 07:46 PM

Hmm how about : Also I thought the Pitches had to be around 280 characters like last time. 

 

1. 17yo Amber will stop at nothing to destroy the man who drove her father to suicide. 

 

2. 17yo Amber wants to ruin the life of the man who made her father commit suicide. To do that, Amber must make his son fall in love with her.

 

3. 17yo Amber had the perfect plan to destroy the man who drove her father to suicide, but an encounter with an ex-lover threatens her plan.  

 

OR

 

She had courage, a plan, and the perfect opportunity to destroy the man who drove her father to suicide, but an encounter w an ex-lover threatens her plan.  


Would appreciate critiques on my YA- VENGEANCE query: http://agentquerycon...edits/?p=352035





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