NEWEST Revision on post #13
A HUGE thank you for all the help so far. It has been invaluable. I appreciate any and all feedback and will gladly reciprocate.
Hi all... I'm new here, so thank you in advance for any and all help. I did my best to offer advice on a few other query letters before posting my own, but am more than happy to reciprocate for anyone willing to critique my query.
I've attempted to write this according to the advice of the Query Shark (yes, I have read all 286 posts), but have yet to screw up enough courage to personally become chum in her bucket. I appreciate your input and your time, fellow writers.
Dear Agent So and So,
Eighteen-year-old Severine “Sevi” Moriana gets the most unwanted gift she could imagine, smack-dab in the middle of her initiation into the Order of Histories. She starts seeing spirits. Four to be exact- known as The Ancients.
She’ll be executed if word gets out she can see them, not to mention ruin her family’s good name.
This can’t be happening to her of all people. She just became second in charge of the very Order tasked with protecting Pentara from seers, for Goddess sake!
When her mother falls unconscious at the post-initiation banquet, Sevi’s world unravels precipitously. Her greedy Aunt embarks on a scheme to wrest control of the Order of Histories from her comatose mother. As if that isn’t enough, The Ancients are threatening her sanity with their incessant chatter. They claim she’s The Return, the rightful Keeper of the outlawed Order of Moirai. Oh yeah, and the only one who can prevent Pentara from being overrun by a hostile adversary. They insist she ascend to the role of Keeper before it’s too late.
No thank you. She has real world problems that don’t involve a death wish.
Despite the risks posed by The Ancients’ constant presence, her choice is clear. Sevi must defend against her Aunt’s petition in court. Then everything goes horribly wrong when her jealous best friend (and the only person she’s told about the spirits) turns up as a surprise witness and reveals her secret.
Prison turns out to be the easy part.
Set in a re-imagined alternate version of ancient Crete and steeped in mythology, SEVI & THE KEEPERS is complete at 79,900 words. This #ownvoices YA fantasy novel features an LGBT protagonist and explores themes of self-knowledge and identity, love, loss, and feminine power. It is a character driven story wrapped in high-stakes action that follows Sevi’s journey from passive denial to owning who she is; from accused criminal to possible savior.
This is my first novel. It is stand-alone, but planned as book one of a duology. While I’ve never been accused of a crime, and regrettably cannot see spirits, I have taken a similar journey to discovering who I am; coming out just in time for my fortieth birthday. I am a member of SCBWI.
Thank you for your time and consideration.