Jump to content

Disclaimer



Photo

Hook - YA Fantasy

Young Adult Fantasy

  • Please log in to reply
3 replies to this topic

#1 rachaelwthewriter

rachaelwthewriter

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 39 posts
  • Literary Status:emerging, unagented
  • LocationUS West Coast

Posted 18 January 2018 - 10:30 AM

[GO TO POST #4 FOR MOST CURRENT REVAMP]
 
[NOTE: Hello everyone! Below you will find my pitch, any help will be most appreciated.]
 
Seventeen-year-old Reneé is used to being ignored, after all she’s just a homeless girl. However, she unexpectedly finds herself front in center of a magical world carefully hidden within our own, a world filled with royalty, Familiars and forbidden fruit. Reneé must survive this new world where she must prove herself worthy of her powers, or lose the legacy she never knew she had.
 
You can find my query here: http://agentquerycon...uery-new-edits/


#2 KET Writes

KET Writes

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 28 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting, unagented
  • LocationCanada

Posted 18 January 2018 - 11:33 PM

Hey Rachael, 

 

Since you open with the fact that she's used to being ignored, I was waiting for there to be a a contrast or connection to the remainder of your hook. Do people continue to ignore her in this new magical world, and she's okay with it? Or are they suddenly fawning all over her? If the being ignored thing isn't central to the story's conflict, I would maybe take it out. 

 

Also, you say Renée must survive, but I don't know what is stopping her from surviving? Is someone trying to take her down? Is the world dangerous? Does she have to fend for herself in this new world? A little bit of clarity on what the stakes are will help!

 

Best of luck!

 

Schedule


If my feedback was helpful, I'd appreciate some thoughts on my YA Urban Fantasy Query !

 


#3 rachaelwthewriter

rachaelwthewriter

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 39 posts
  • Literary Status:emerging, unagented
  • LocationUS West Coast

Posted 20 January 2018 - 01:18 PM

[REVAMP #1]

 

4 unlikely friends enroll to a college of magic in the Golden Gate City and enter a world beyond their wildest dreams. Everything comes with a price, and magic, above all things, has the steepest; but are they willing to pay it, whatever it may be? #PitMad #YA #IRMC #F #LGBT



#4 rachaelwthewriter

rachaelwthewriter

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 39 posts
  • Literary Status:emerging, unagented
  • LocationUS West Coast

Posted 16 March 2018 - 07:10 PM

[REVAMP #2]

Fleeing from threats of jail over a murder she didn’t commit, Rhianaye accepts an offer to train at a secret boarding school after she accidentally summons a dragon. When the murders resume in her new home, she swears she will bring the murderers to justice, no matter the cost. 







0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users