No one in the world knows Jacob. No one knows where to find him, how to break him, or how he stole the souls of twenty million men. All they know is his name. But Jacob knows the world; he rules it with merciless law.
Jacob’s hierarchical empire thrives like a weed, stealing everything it needs from its subjects. The Northern Rebellion has risen to assassinate Jacob, but without information, they must settle for fruitless raids and pep talks.
I think the above is cool and the first bit gets my attention (reminds me a little of the name of the wind blurb), but it makes me think that Jacob is the MC, then we get some backstory on his empire, then we switch over to Star and it's a little jarring. I'd try to rephrase some of this from her perspective: Rebellion leader star wants Jacob dead, but etc etc. May end up a little less snappy, but will also feel less like the old bait and switch. You could probably cut the word count way down if you started with her imprisonment too (and just detailed Jacob's role in the world from that point)
When their adventuresome I don't think you're looking for an adjective here so much as a detail; what was she doing when she was captured? Would relating that make her seem adventurous/selfless/etc? leader Star is kidnapped by Jacob, she finds herself imprisoned in a jail that simulates the wilderness. There, Star is confronted by the impassive, ethical king who can read her every thought – and proves most of her assumptions wrong might want to show us how exactly she;s proven wrong; she begins to see that he's acting for the greater good when he does X, etc. By engaging Jacob in conversations, Star hunts for flaws in his shell chinks in his armor, probes for weaknesses - also, if might help if you tied this more specifically to the assassination attempt; she searches for a way to kill him, to make him mortal again, or something concrete along those lines to report to the rebellion. Yet hours alone with his cold charisma nice rouse a terrifying desire to learn more about Jacob … and not so she can defeat him.
When he offers the truth if this is going to be key in the query, we probably need to know what the truth is for the rest of the stakes to hit home about his power in exchange for her allegiance, Star faces a choice. She can stand by an ineffective but virtuous rebellion, or she can indulge her curiosity by joining an unbreakable, persuasive tyrant. The decision, unbeknownst to her, will shatter or reincarnate the earth. I think probably leave out the unknown stuff. Otherwise we're sitting here thinking oh, these are the stakes, but she doesn't really know what's at stake, so she's not really going to be all that conflicted about her decision. Maybe something more concrete than shatter or reincarnate - will lead to the deaths of the rebels who've been her family v death of the man she loves/loss of the greater good
PUREST BLACK (120,000 words), a multi-POV young adult science fiction novel,
possessesblends the magical realism styleof “Beasts of Extraordinary Circumstance” mixedwith the pace and world of [insert comp that I will someday find here].
Hope that was helpful!