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Secret Santa--clean romance

Romance New Adult Fiction Chick Lit

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#1 lichelleauthor

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Posted 20 January 2018 - 07:07 PM

What should have been a one-season assignment has turned into a three-year challenge for Bell Winter. As a Secret Santa elf, her duty is to restore the spirit of Christmas to those on her Spirit List before Christmas day, and one name has haunted her list each year: Drake Pine. Drake runs the Red Dragon Tavern, and is the town’s Grinch. But Bell won’t give up until Drake is off her list, so she can finally return home. In order to do so, she just might have to break a few Secret Santa rules, including falling in love.

 

SECRET SANTA is a clean, Christmas romance complete at 70k words, previously self-published as a 30k word novella told only from Bell’s point of view.

 

Last summer I was nominated as a Best Debut Author at Utopia Con in Tennessee, and I have a Bachelor’s of Science in Creative Writing from Utah State University.

 

I look forward to hearing from you.

 

Sincerely,

 

Lichelle Slater



#2 PureZhar3

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Posted 20 January 2018 - 08:02 PM

What should have been a one-season assignment has turned into a three-year challenge for Bell Winter. As a Secret Santa elf, I don't quite understand the term 'Secret Santa elf'... I'm sure it makes sense in the context of your book, but is it important enough to include here (I know it references your title, but it threw me for a loop on first read)? her duty is to restore the spirit of Christmas to those on her Spirit List before Christmas day, and one name has haunted her list each year: Drake Pine. Drake runs the Red Dragon Tavern, and is the town’s Grinch.Given the previous sentences' wording, you may want to shake up this one... i.e. Drake, the town Grinch, runs the Red Dragon Tavern. Also, maybe hint at why Drake is so anti-Christmas, because I don't yet understand why this is a huge challenge for Bell (beyond the fact that people are stubborn). And, also a minor thing, but what town is this? I'm imagining some small wintery town up north, but I would imagine that Secret Santa elves travel all over, so specifying which town might solidify your setting. But Bell won’t give up until Drake is off her list, so she can finally return home. In order to do so, she just might have to break a few Secret Santa rules, including falling in love.

 

SECRET SANTA is a clean, Christmas romance complete at 70k words, previously self-published as a 30k word novella told only from Bell’s point of view.

 

Last summer I was nominated as a Best Debut Author at Utopia Con in Tennessee, and I have a Bachelor’s of Science in Creative Writing from Utah State University.

 

I look forward to hearing from you.

 

Sincerely,

 

Lichelle Slater

Overall, this is great and succinct. Great job!

 

If you wouldn't mind critiquing my current query, I'd appreciate it: http://agentquerycon...-realismsci-fi/


If you have time, I'd appreciate it if you took a look at my query: http://agentquerycon...-realismsci-fi/


#3 Artsnerd

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Posted 21 January 2018 - 09:58 AM

What should have been a one-season assignment has turned into a three-year challenge for Bell Winter. As a Secret Santa elf, her duty is to restore the spirit of Christmas to those on her Spirit List before Christmas day, and one name has haunted her list each year: Drake Pine. Drake runs the Red Dragon Tavern, and is the town’s Grinch. But Bell won’t give up until Drake is off her list, so she can finally return home. In order to do so, she just might have to break a few Secret Santa rules, including falling in love. While I like that you really get to the point, I feel as if you could expand on this query a lot more. I'd like to know more about the characters and the plot, and perhaps a bit about the world. Queries usually aren't this short--at least to my knowledge, they aren't. If you're interested in a successful query and some example formats, I highly recommend this pdf by Alexa Donne.

 

SECRET SANTA is a clean, (not sure this comma belongs here) Christmas romance complete at 70k words, previously self-published as a 30k word novella told only from Bell’s point of view.

 

Last summer I was nominated as a Best Debut Author at Utopia Con in Tennessee, and I have a Bachelor’s of Science in Creative Writing from Utah State University. Good, these credentials will definitely catch an agent's attention.

 

I look forward to hearing from you.

 

Sincerely,

 

Lichelle Slater

 

 

I've a query letter of my own, if you'd like to take a look :) 


“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated.

In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.” 

―Maya Angelou

 

The query for my current WIP can be found here.

 

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#4 VSChapman

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Posted 21 January 2018 - 11:11 AM

What should have been a one-season assignment has turned into a three-year challenge for Bell Winter. As a Secret Santa elf, her duty is to restore the spirit of Christmas to those on her Spirit List before Christmas day, and one name has haunted her list each year: Drake Pine. Drake runs the Red Dragon Tavern, and is the town’s Grinch. (love that you used town's grinch but I agree with an above comment 'Drake, the town Grinch, runs the Red Dragon Tavern' It cleans it up a bit) But Bell won’t give up until Drake is off her list, so she can finally return home. In order to do so, she just might have to break a few Secret Santa rules, including falling in love.

 

SECRET SANTA is a clean, Christmas romance complete at 70k words, previously self-published as a 30k word novella told only from Bell’s point of view.

 

Last summer I was nominated as a Best Debut Author at Utopia Con in Tennessee, and I have a Bachelor’s of Science in Creative Writing from Utah State University.

 

I look forward to hearing from you.

 

Sincerely,

 

Lichelle Slater

Overall, this sounds like a cute story. I think you need to expand on it a bit more. It was supposed to be a one-season assignment so then was she supposed to get a promotion after that? Do bigger things as an elf? Does she have to get him off her list to go home or is it her choice to finish her list before she goes home? Has she been talking to Drake for three years straight now? Does he know who she is or does she stay invisible and do magic things to turn people's attitudes? And why is he a Grinch? Again, overall this is pretty good, I think we just need more details. Hope this helps!



#5 KET Writes

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Posted 21 January 2018 - 12:15 PM

Won't do a line by line, but overall I can see this being an adorable story ! The only thing I'm missing from this as a query is some of the conflict and tension. I want to know why has she struggled to get Drake off her list for so long. Maybe even one specific Secret Santa rules she needs to break. 

 

Your query is indeed nice and short, but it wouldn't hurt to add a small paragraph that shows what Bell needs to do, and what is standing in her way. Also, even a line that gives us a hint of the love story. Is she planning on falling in love? Is it part of the plan, or does she see the softness in Drake?  


If my feedback was helpful, I'd appreciate some thoughts on my YA Urban Fantasy Query !

 






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