Jump to content

Disclaimer



Photo
- - - - -

Nightsworn - Adult Contemporary Fantasy (New Post #59)

Fiction Fantasy Commercial Fiction

  • Please log in to reply
61 replies to this topic

#61 Dasein

Dasein

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 92 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationUS West Coast
  • Publishing Experience:I have published an academic book that won a prize and many scholarly articles. No fiction, though.

Posted 23 April 2018 - 03:48 PM

Below is the part where I start to lose interest. Up until then it is pulling me in.

"She soon regrets that decision when a bounty hunter ambushes her with a bow and arrow to her head. Livid that she’s aiding and abetting his mark, he terrorizes her to get to Dusk. After Briella threatens to abandon Dusk unless she gets answers, he admits he murdered a Royal Duchess, and fled his world.

Briella knows she can’t trust Dusk, but he may be her only hope at getting out of this mess in one piece. Because giving him up holds no guarantee that the bounty hunter won’t turn on her next. One wrong move could see her medical future, and worse, her freedom, vanish into the night."

It is the bounty hunter that confuses me. Is he from another world? Why is he chasing Dusk? If she just walks away from this Dusk guy, she shouldn't be in any danger, right? Why is the bounty hunter such a threat?

#62 BrookeJS

BrookeJS

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 104 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting, emerging, unagented
  • LocationUS Midwest

Posted 23 April 2018 - 04:43 PM

So, I have a question. You mention another world but it doesn't ever come up again. Does Briella get taken to this other world? Because if not, what is the point of them being from somewhere else? Is it an alternate reality? Fantasy? I understand this takes place in modern times but your element of an additional world is throwing me and I'm not sure why I didn't pick up on it sooner.


If you have time I would love feedback on my query: http://agentquerycon...-back/?p=356112

If you could spare a moment I would really appreciate critiques on my synopsis: http://agentquerycon...ntasy/?p=355669

 






Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: Fiction, Fantasy, Commercial Fiction

0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users