Jump to content

Disclaimer



Photo

Hook for Sci-Fi/Tragic Romance


  • Please log in to reply
3 replies to this topic

#1 Laurie E. Smith

Laurie E. Smith

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 85 posts
  • Literary Status:emerging, unagented
  • LocationCanada
  • Publishing Experience:I have been a professional in the comics industry (as a colourist and line art reconstructionist) for 23 years. In terms of writing, I had a short story ("Like Ants to Honey") published in the "Far Horizons" e-mag (Issue #2, May 2014); I've also posted over 1.23 million words of fan fiction on Archive of Our Own, with with a total of 614473 individual hits, 29416 kudos, and 3919 reader bookmarks.

Posted 07 February 2018 - 03:38 PM

Let's try some different lengths.

 

Twitter hook, 140 characters:

Slave girl Girn'ash will risk it all to free the enemy warrior she loves. Queen Ev'ora wants him for her harem. Everybody is a dinosaur. #SF

Twitter hook, 236 characters:

A shrewd and secretive slave girl in an ancient dinosaur civilization falls in love with a dashing military prisoner, risking both the lustful rage of her Most Potent Chieftess and the threat of nuclear annihilation to set him free. #SF

 

Query letter hook, 157 characters:

 

Love and violence, war and lust, secrets and betrayals — even intelligent dinosaurs fell victim to such destructive impulses, more than 67 million years ago.

 

I welcome imput on any of these. :)

 

 



#2 Emily804

Emily804

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 86 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationUS Northwest

Posted 22 February 2018 - 08:01 PM

I read the second hook first, then I read the third one, then I read the first one and I had to reread the sentence "Everybody is a dinosaur." I'm like, wait what?? Is this book told from the POV of dinosaurs? 

So I would go with the first one. Because even when you say "Everybody is a dinosaur." It's still hard to believe. So I think that line will stick. 


Query Compatibility YA sci-fi: http://agentquerycon...lity-ya-sci-fi/


#3 giffordmac

giffordmac

    Veteran Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 378 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting, unagented
  • LocationUS Northeast

Posted 25 February 2018 - 01:34 PM

I really like #2, but I think I'd lead off with "In an ancient dinosaur civilization". Put it right up front and smack 'em in the face with it!


“We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.” ― Elie Wiesel

 

~~~

 

 

 

 


#4 mkuriel

mkuriel

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 72 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting, unagented
  • LocationUS Northeast
  • Publishing Experience:I've heard that's a thing...

Posted 12 March 2018 - 04:57 PM

Let's try some different lengths.

 

Twitter hook, 140 130 characters:

A slave girl Girn'ash will risk it all to free the enemy warrior she loves. The Queen Ev'ora wants him for her harem. Everybody is a dinosaur. #SF

 

[Love this hook. Save a few characters and cut the names so the sentences flow better]
Twitter hook, 236 203 characters:

A shrewd and secretive slave girl in an ancient dinosaur civilization falls in love with a dashing military prisoner, risking both the lustful rage of her Most Potent Chieftess and the threat of nuclear annihilation to set him free. Everybody is a Dinosaur. #SF

 

[Also very good... but it doesn't contain anything near the shock value of 'Everybody is a Dinosaur', so I trimmed extra details and put it in.]

Query letter hook, 157 145 characters:

 

Love and violence, war and lust, secrets and betrayals — even intelligent dinosaurs fell victim to such destructive impulses, more than 67 million years ago.

 

[Intelligence is implied. Honestly, the Twitter hooks are better, though this is still good.]

 

I welcome imput input on any of these. :)






0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users