Yellowstone is about to become a volcanic Chernobyl, and only a group of
nearlyuntrained teens can stop it.
Seventeen-year-old Sophie Westergaard has no idea she has blood-ties to the Agency, a covert organization devoted to maintaining the balance between the natural world and the humans destroying it. She just wants to get
herselfsettled at her new school without jumping through the “new girl” routine again. But then she notices Kai Redwolf. He's been lurking around her cross country practices, and Sophie feels inexplicably drawn to him. Sophie isn’t sure what to expect when she approaches Kai, but the legend storyhe tells of a legendpredicting the collapse of the Yellowstone Caldera and an organization determined to stop it certainly surprises her. You're using a sentences with very similar structure... be careful because the lack of variety can get dull (there are tons of "and"s and "but"s
With the lure of a personal history she couldn’t imagine (?) not sure what this means. Is this Kai's personal history? I would just rephrase this..., Sophie agrees to join Kai and see what’s upsetting the balance in Yellowstone this is minor, but you don't make it clear that Yellowstone is imbalanced... only that it's predicted to collapse. I would just switch the initial sentence to "he tells of the impending collapse...". But their mission becomes much more than observation when they discover an illegal mine that’s extracting uranium from the geyser vents. If they can’t stop the mining
in time, it could trigger a super volcano that will wipe out North America.
The Agency team races against the destabilizing mineral extraction as Sophie grapples with her newfound identity and responsibilities Alright, hold on. Is Kai part of this agency? Also, why does it depend on the two teens if the Agency is also fighting against the miners? And what exactly is her "newfound identity"... saving the world? You need to clarify what she's learned - that she's part of the agency? . Then she discovers her family’s dark history with the Agency, and that her ability to manipulate water is just the beginning of her power. whoooaaaa.... I hope you realize that this is the first time you mention her ability to manipulate water, and it sounds as if you expect us to know about this. Is this the newfound identity she's grappling with? If Sophie can’t get her other abilities under control she might be a bigger danger to everyone around her than the impending implosion of Yellowstone. What can she do... wipe out the whole world? This is very vague stakes, given the massive nature of the previous threat. Tell us what's so dangerous about her, because otherwise I'm having a hard time believing that a teenager is a bigger threat than a volcano that can wipe out a continent...
AGENTS OF BALANCE is a multiple perspective young adult fantasy novel complete at 110,000 words. It will appeal to fans of Alexandra Bracken’s THE DARKEST MINDS and Victoria Aveyard’s RED QUEEN. It is a stand alone novel with series potential.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
This isn't bad. But it isn't ready to send out, either.
Your general story and query is very good. Excellent job. For the first few paragraphs, I mostly just had phrase edits that would make it clearer, and minor plot questions. But then we got to the third paragraph, and my subtle confusion exploded. You reference multiple things as if we are supposed to know about them already, such as Sophie's water powers. You need to fix this... tighten it up, make sure you give us the necessary information, and don't be afraid to use straightforward language.
Best of luck!