Thanks for all of your help! I feel like I'm getting closer!
Since the beginning of the end, an ancient, hostile pulse has emerged in seventeen-year-old Iris’s soul. It grows stronger every time she slays one of the mythological monsters that ravaged her world. She tries to ignore it while living in isolation in the Redwood Forest until an otherworldly boy with giant black wings falls from the sky. Iris opens her heart again for the first time in months after losing her family a
nd accidentally burns down her shelter trying to impress him.You could omit this, it's unnecessary info for the query, and just begin the next line with "The two find refuge..."
With nowhere else to go, the two find refuge with a small group of survivors. There is an inexplicable bond between them that tugs at the pulse within Iris and drives her to protect them at all costs. She will be forced to face the power within her when a dark entity named Krux begins to open up the Earth’s mantle. How does she know this? Or does she not? How do they find out more about Krux? I think he needs more fleshing out here.
To save her new family, she may have to embrace the evil power that rages inside her, even if it means becoming something worse than Krux. Because if she doesn’t, the world will succumb to the entity of darkness and all she has come to love will be destroyed again. Again, I feel like this needs more detail. I'm sorry I can't give you an exact thing to do, since I don't know you're novel.
IRIS MJOLNIR SPAWN OF WAR is a 92,000 word, young adult, apocalyptic fantasy novel. It is a standalone novel with series potential.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
You're getting there! I think the first paragraph is great, but the last two need some oomph. There's nothing wrong with them, they just need to be a bit more plumped up and dramatic.