As a Greater Elemental, Ember could once move mountains and call up storms, turn the earth molten in one breath, and quench it with the next. Now, she can't even plant a seed without getting her hands dirty. This is great, I'm hooked :)
Centuries after Ember sealed herself in Pangaea's portal I'm not sure why she'd do this to herself, she seemed bad ass in the hook, but I'm willing to let it slide because, as I said, ya hooked me, her nemesis
, The Malidorcha King to cut down on character names I have to remember, you could leave this out and just refer to "her nemesis" creating the creature, since I'm assuming that's the major issue here created Vashti—the only other Greater Elemental in existence. His goal: I'm not a huge fan of colons, it gives me the impression you're forcing info on me... this might be an entirely person issue though to break Ember's seal and reopen access to a world he covets(is this Pangaea? For some reason I imagined her sealing herself in like, a box, or a shell or something, not an entire world, so you might want to make that more clear). When Vashti succeeds so I think you could combine these two sentences/ ideas since you tell us what he wants and follow up with the fact that he's actually already achieved it and releases Ember, she wakes to discover she's not only missing memories of the millennia leading up to the seal's creation if she's missing the memories, how does she know she's missing the memories? sometimes memory loss can be a catch-22 plot point, but also her connection to the very elements she was created from. And with Vashti upsetting the delicate balance of Pangaea, Ember needs her connection to the elements more than ever.
With once-peaceful clans are warring, abnormal migratory patterns upset ting ecosystems, and infertility is on the rise ,. Ember is left to question if Vashti 's is truly to blame for Pangaea's imbalances, or if something more sinister is at work I'm not sure I like that you just stole the bad guy from me.... Because if Ember is to bring balance back to the world and stop the Malidorcha King, she must reconnect with the elements and recover her memories. If she can't, Vashti will go through the portal and commit genocide to clear the way for the Malidorcha King to claim the other world as his own.
ELEMENTALS is an adult epic fantasy told from multiple points of view
, with strong female leads set in a complex secondary world. bla bla bla wordcount/ bio/ wrap-up
1. I think you need to decide if MK is the real bad guy, or if it's something else. I felt a bit of ping-pong about who I was supposed to be rooting against- MK, Vashti, or "something more sinister"
2. I need a bit more about what Pangaea is- is it a world, a state, a shell? You don't need huge back story, just something like "Ember's world, Pangaea" etc.
3. So if Vashti is this BA elemental, how is the King controlling him?
4. I think you've got a super interesting concept here, and while I understand the stakes (bad guy(s) gonna wipe out the world if good girl doesn't stop them) I'm not totally sure how Ember is going to accomplish it. From your set up it seems like she used to be awesome, but lost her awesome-ness and is floundering memory-less and ability-less. She's up against some seriously steep odds, so what does she have in her court?
Hope that's not too overwhelming, good luck with edits!