Fourteen-year-old Skye Ivorocono is always last. The last of four sisters, last to know she is being sent away, and the last hope for her dad's experiment. Her dad is obsessed with unearthing a mythical magic. He sends Skye to study at a monastery where a seer has answers to help his experiment. Skye has other plans. She hopes to defy her father and avoid the seer at any cost. Why? Is there something wrong with the magic?
Not only is Skye leaving, but each of her beloved sisters are separated -- in the midst of war. One sister receives a rare opportunity to pursue her singing dreams, but only if she travels east to enemy territory. Another is left home to wreak havoc as a skilled menace and thief. The oldest sister is forced to join the military to financially support the family. These are disconnected from the main plot. If you have four separate stories, should they be in the same book? This query doesn't convince me that they should be.
Skye's dad sees opportunity in each situation. Is this a fifth perspective? It's too much to hit each of these in the query. He has neglected them since their mother's death, but demands help finding the experiment's missing pieces. When the war starts, avoiding a mysterious seer and a failed experiment aren't the only things endangered. "Avoiding a seer" or "failed experiment" being endangered doesn't make sense, grammatically. I'm not sure what this sentence is trying to say. War, prejudices, and a deadly epidemic threaten to destroy everything. The war is present, but I don't know why. The prejudices aren't hinted at anywhere else. The deadly epidemic is like... what? Skye may never see her sisters again. Skye comes back suddenly here, but it doesn't really tie everything together.
An afro-centric YA low fantasy complete at 94,000 words, THE FOUR IVOROCONO GIRLS is like “Little Women” meets “The Powerpuff Girls.” It may appeal to readers who enjoy multiple POV stories like “Six of Crows.”
Thank you for your time and consideration.
This sounds like four or five books that exist in the same world. I don't know what the thru-line is, what the heart of the story is, and the agent might think the author doesn't either.
The query is meant to sell the agent on the book. Focus on the heart of the story, and not on summarizing what each POV experiences. What is the main plot? Pick a POV character, the most prominent one if you can, and tell me why they matter, what they want, and how it all ties in.
You have a lot in this world, and a lot of different stories that might be engaging on their own. But this is a query, and you can only sell so much. If you must, pick one girl and the father, then connect everything as soundly as you can. Good luck!