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Trinity: Death and All His Soldiers(Synopsis Help)


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#1 Soreen Laythyn

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Posted 06 March 2018 - 01:40 AM

Flying into a silent rage after getting embarrassed in class, Terrence “Wrench” Gale’s ability to communicate with the dead makes him turn the classroom into a war zone. One look from his best friend Elise Lenox, and he calms down, returning the classroom back to normal. Leaving class, the pair has a run-in with the school bully Issac Forte, who picks a fight with Wrench. Before ending the fight, Issac tells Wrench not to lie about communicating with the dead, calling it “dangerous”.

 

Elise takes him to the nurse’s office and Wrench is visited by a dead girl who mentions that the nurse will try to kill him, as she does anyone who shows up with an injury. She also asks Wrench if Elise is a Reaper, since Elise is staring at them. Wrench questions what a Reaper is and tells the dead girl that Elise can’t see her. The nurse arrives and the dead girl disappears. The nurse hands Wrench some medicine and he dumps it, with some help from Elise.

 

Afterschool, they run into Ancel Ekhart, his other best friend. The trio grab lunch at an underground food joint and discuss the day’s events. Eventually, Elise and Wrench part ways with Ancel in Brooklyn and the two arrive at a two-family house. The two-part ways and Wrench is greeted by his angry father Clark Gale. After a heated discussion, he goes to his room and is surprised by a dead boy on his bed. He praises Wrench, calling him a hero and tells him that he needs to kill the nurse. Wrench denies this, but the boy says Wrench has to because he’s a Reaper. The boy disappears when his mother Katherine Gale enters the room. She berates him on the fight and decides to punish him by taking the one thing that means the world to him; his trinity knot. After refusing, they get into a heated argument that ends with Katherine telling him that she wished she never had him. He leaves, hurt and unwanted and goes to hang out with Elise.

 

Katherine and Clark talk about what they should do with Wrench and Katherine tells him that she saw him talking to a dead boy. Clark freaks out and he tells her that they need to prepare, should anything dangerous happen. Elise prods into Wrench’s foul mood and eventually cheers him up. They go back home and Clark and Katherine tell Wrench their moving, something he reacts horribly to and runs to his room. Admiring his trinity knot and contemplating life without his friends, he notices that a dead man is at his window, but can’t come inside. Wrench sees powder on his window and wipes it off. The dead man enters and demands that Wrench hand over his trinity knot. Wrench chooses to die rather than give it to him. His father, mother and Elise burst in dressed in gear and armed with weapons, ready to defend Wrench. Both Katherine and Elise are knocked down and his father is possessed by the dead man. With the dead man walking in his father’s skin, Wrench stabs him with his trinity knot. The dead man leaves in pain and anguish, vowing to come back.

 

Wrench passes out and dreams of Central Park in the winter with Elise and Ancel. He wakes up in pain and chained to a bed. He sees Elise hovering over him, talking to an unseen man. Wrench gets her attention and she explains that he’s been arrested. Wrench, angry that she could communicate with the dead as well, demands answers. She tells him that they are Reapers—half-living half-dead super-humans who fight the dead and protect mortos—humans. The unseen man introduces himself as Doctor Acre and throws them out of the infirmary. Elise tells Wrench that he’s in Limbo, a Reaper’s headquarters. Wrench bumps into Issac and they get into another fight when Issac reveals that he’s a Reaper too. Elise’s father Thomas Prior breaks up the fight and takes Wrench to the acting head of Limbo, Veselko Novak.

 

Wrench runs into the person who arrested him, a boy names Vynncint “Vinni” Caiazzo. Vinni leaves and Veselko explains to Wrench that his ability should make him a Reaper, but they don’t know if he is one. He’s the prime suspect in his parent’s disappearance. Thomas tells him that the only way he can prove his innocence is by fixing his broken mind in the Tomb—a place where Reapers get help from Vestals—women bookkeepers and practicers of ancient magic. Elise and Issac take a Gate—a portal—to Hell’s Kitchen. There, a hotel is disguised as the Tomb. Inside, a Vestal named Sister Ashanti and a group of other Vestals try to fix his mind. Wrench only sees fragments and his mother giving him an elixir to make him forget before running away. Feeling dejected, things get worse when Wrench gets his trinity knot pickpocketed. Issac and Wrench tackle a girl, an Anthro woman with snakeskin explains that there’s a hit on Wrench’s life and his trinity knot. Elise explains to Wrench that Anthros are Denizens—half-humans who use black magic and come in different species, like Anthros.

 

They go to the underground food joint and find Vinni sitting with his twin Vik and younger sister Esme. Wrench gets poisoned and saved by Vik. Issac and Vinni figure out from an Enchanter that someone paid to have Wrench murdered. Heading back to Limbo, Elise and Wrench sneak back to their home in Brooklyn. Issac finds out and goes to the house with Esme and Vik. Once there, they run into Reina Durante, Thomas’s partner and Issac forces Wrench into remembering what happened the night of the attack. He mentions the name Van Allyn and Esme gets angry and leaves with Vik in tow. Issac and Elise fight over not telling him where she was going and Wrench breaks into a locked room in his house. Inside is armor, weapons and photos belonging to his parents. Reina and Wrench look around before deciding to leave. Everyone goes back to Limbo and Wrench gets some rest before being woken by Esme.

 

Deciding to see is his anger creates chaos, Esme bates him into getting enraged. She calms him down once she sees the damage his rage can create and leaves his room. Wrench hears rushed steps pass his room so he leaves to see Elise and Vik running to Veselko’s office. Following them, he learns that there are two separate attacks happening around New York. Veselko sends Vinni, Vik and Esme to Hell’s Kitchen and Elise and Issac to Harlem. Wrench begs to go along and Issac unwillingly takes him along.

 

In Hell’s Kitchen, Vinni and Vik break-up a turf war between Anthros and Enchantors while Esme buys Hexion (Denizen drugs) to feed her addiction. In Harlem, Issac gets hurt fighting a dead man while he tries to protect Elise and Wrench. The trio learn that it was a trap to lure Wrench out after getting Issac back to Limbo. With Acre out on business, the only person around to heal Issac is the youngest Caiazzo sibling, Eli. Elise tells Wrench that it’s too dangerous to go out again and he leaves Limbo.

 

Wrench contacts Ancel, who tells him to meet him at his place. Once there, Wrench figures out that Ancel is a Sorcerer. He gets tracked to the apartment by Elise, who brings Issac and Vinni. After Issac threatens Ancel, Ancel admits that he put the hit out on Wrench at the behest of his mother Katherine. Issac threatens Anel with prison and Ancel throws them out. Elise and Wrench get into another fight and he runs off. Vinni tells her to let him cool off and he brings Elise and Issac back to Limbo. Wrench gets kidnapped by the man possessing his father.

 

Back at Limbo, Acre discloses to the others that he visited the nurse and looked through Wrench’s personal records. He finds out that every time Wrench moves, it’s after someone in the area gets possessed. Issac figures that his parents figured they were being followed and that Van Allyn has been searching for them for years. Before anyone can go get Wrench, Limbo is visited by Reaper Counsilwoman Lilac Cambro. She’s here to place Elise under arrest for harboring an unaccounted Reaper—Wrench. Tasked with holding Elise for transfer, Vinni instead frees her and tells her to track Wrench down and get him back here.

 

Elise calls Ancel and asks him to track Wrench, who tells her that he’s at the school. Wrench wakes up at the nurse’s office chained to the bed. The man possessing his father and the school nurse are looking over him and have the dead boy and girl at their side. Van Allyn appears and takes Wrench’s trinity knot. She turns the dead boy and girl into Devils, creatures that only know pain, rage and killer instinct. Van Allyn sets them loose in the school and leaves.

 

Elise arrives at the school and goes looking for Wrench. She fights off a dead man and gets injured doing so. When a second one appears, Issac shows up with the twins. Issac yells at her about how she got everyone in this mess and denounces their partnership. The four find Wrench and the Devils go after Vik and Vinni. With Elise injured, Issac lures the two possessed bodies to him and opens a Gate to Limbo’s church grounds.

 

Vik and Vinni fight the Devils, but when Vik gets his eye gouged, Vinni attacks them and gets his leg chewed into. Vik ends up using defeating the Devils with his one good eye and Ancel shows up to heal the pair. Elise frees Wrench and he runs after Van Allyn. She activates the Trinity Knot and the dead begin to rise all over the city.

 

Eli and Esme arrive at the school to look for Katherine and Eli remarks that Esme looks jumpy. She dismisses him and he reveals that he knows that she’s on Hexion. He blackmails her and says that as long she does whatever he wants without question, he won’t tell another soul. She agrees and they find Katherine. The confront her on the hit on Wrench and She attacks Eli. Esme attacks once Eli is down and Katherine picks up on her drug use. She tells Esme that she can teach her to be strong in a real way. Eli deals the knockout that takes out Katherine and he waits for backup with Esme.

 

Issac breaks his leg when he and the other possessed bodies fall into the cemetery. Thomas, Veselko, Reina and Counsilwoman Cambro come to assist him and then go to the school. Wrench fights Van Allyn for the Trinity Knot, eventually getting the upper hand and reversing what she has done. Van Allyn opens a Gate of her own and gets pulled in by a hand. Wrench and Elise pass out.

Wrench wakes up chained to the bed in Limbo. Acre tells him that he’s been out for two days and that he’s been arrested again. This time, for destroying the Trinity Knot. Acre reassures him that the Counsilwoman has nothing on him. Elise and Esme show up and tell him that Veselko has been removed as acting head and has been replaced with Reina. Esme then says that no one believes that Van Allyn is back, except for them and their friends.

 

After getting released, he meets up with Reina and accepts a letter from Veselko. After leaving Reina, he talks to Elise and Ancel. Elise tells her that everyone believes that Reina is a traitor, revealing that Reina was the one who called Counsilwoman Cambro. Issac passes the trio and commends Wrench on a job well done. Elise tells Wrench that she and Issac aren’t partners anymore.

 

Wrench apologizes to Vik and Vinni when he leaves Limbo with Elise. Vik’s right eye has a scar, but he can see. Vinni needs physical therapy for his left leg. They both accept Wrench’s apology and Vinni thanks Ancel for healing himself and his brother.

 

Wrench and Elise read the letter that Veselko left for him and discover that all eyes are now on them. No one believes that Van Allyn is back and with one of the Trinity Knots destroyed and the other two missing, he hopes Wrench will stay at Limbo and chase down the truth behind himself and Van Allyn. Wrench tells Elise that figuring this out might be easier than trying to solve for x.



#2 Emily804

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Posted 06 March 2018 - 07:27 PM

Flying into a silent rage after getting embarrassed in class, Terrence “Wrench” Gale’s ability to communicate with the dead makes him turn the classroom into a war zone. (What is the war zone? Is it harmful to other people? Why is his best friend the only one who notices it?)  One look from his best friend Elise Lenox, and he calms down, returning the classroom back to normal. Leaving class, the pair has a run-in with the school bully Issac Forte, who picks a fight with Wrench. Before ending the fight, Issac tells Wrench not to lie about communicating with the dead, calling it “dangerous”.

 

Elise takes him to the nurse’s office and Wrench is visited by a dead girl who mentions that the nurse will try to kill him, as she does anyone who shows up with an injury. She also asks Wrench if Elise is a Reaper, since Elise is staring at them. Wrench questions what a Reaper is and tells the dead girl that Elise can’t see her. The nurse arrives and the dead girl disappears. The nurse hands Wrench some medicine and he dumps it, with some help from Elise.

 

Afterschool, they run into Ancel Ekhart, his other best friend. The trio grab lunch at an underground food joint and discuss the day’s events. Eventually, Elise and Wrench part ways with Ancel in Brooklyn and the two arrive at a two-family house. The two-part ways and Wrench is greeted by his angry father Clark Gale. After a heated discussion, he goes to his room and is surprised by a dead boy on his bed. He praises Wrench, calling him a hero and tells him that he needs to kill the nurse. Wrench denies this, but the boy says Wrench has to because he’s a Reaper. The boy disappears when his mother Katherine Gale enters the room. She berates him on the fight and decides to punish him by taking the one thing that means the world to him; his trinity knot. After refusing, they get into a heated argument that ends with Katherine telling him that she wished she never had him. He leaves, hurt and unwanted and goes to hang out with Elise.

 

Katherine and Clark talk about what they should do with Wrench and Katherine tells him that she saw him talking to a dead boy. Clark freaks out and he tells her that they need to prepare, should anything dangerous happen. Elise prods into Wrench’s foul mood and eventually cheers him up. They go back home and Clark and Katherine tell Wrench their moving, something he reacts horribly to and runs to his room. Admiring his trinity knot and contemplating life without his friends, he notices that a dead man is at his window, but can’t come inside. Wrench sees powder on his window and wipes it off. The dead man enters and demands that Wrench hand over his trinity knot. Wrench chooses to die rather than give it to him. His father, mother and Elise burst in dressed in gear and armed with weapons, ready to defend Wrench. Both Katherine and Elise are knocked down and his father is possessed by the dead man. With the dead man walking in his father’s skin, Wrench stabs him with his trinity knot. The dead man leaves in pain and anguish, vowing to come back.

 

Wrench passes out and dreams of Central Park in the winter with Elise and Ancel. He wakes up in pain and chained to a bed. He sees Elise hovering over him, talking to an unseen man. Wrench gets her attention and she explains that he’s been arrested. Wrench, angry that she could communicate with the dead as well, demands answers. She tells him that they are Reapers—half-living half-dead super-humans who fight the dead and protect mortos—humans. The unseen man introduces himself as Doctor Acre and throws them out of the infirmary. Elise tells Wrench that he’s in Limbo, a Reaper’s headquarters. Wrench bumps into Issac and they get into another fight when Issac reveals that he’s a Reaper too. Elise’s father Thomas Prior breaks up the fight and takes Wrench to the acting head of Limbo, Veselko Novak.

 

Wrench runs into the person who arrested him, a boy names Vynncint “Vinni” Caiazzo. Vinni leaves and Veselko explains to Wrench that his ability should make him a Reaper, but they don’t know if he is one. He’s the prime suspect in his parent’s disappearance. Thomas tells him that the only way he can prove his innocence is by fixing his broken mind in the Tomb—a place where Reapers get help from Vestals—women bookkeepers and practicers of ancient magic. Elise and Issac take a Gate—a portal—to Hell’s Kitchen. There, a hotel is disguised as the Tomb. Inside, a Vestal named Sister Ashanti and a group of other Vestals try to fix his mind. Wrench only sees fragments and his mother giving him an elixir to make him forget before running away. Feeling dejected, things get worse when Wrench gets his trinity knot pickpocketed. Issac and Wrench tackle a girl, an Anthro woman with snakeskin explains that there’s a hit on Wrench’s life and his trinity knot. Elise explains to Wrench that Anthros are Denizens—half-humans who use black magic and come in different species, like Anthros.

 

They go to the underground food joint and find Vinni sitting with his twin Vik and younger sister Esme. Wrench gets poisoned and saved by Vik. Issac and Vinni figure out from an Enchanter that someone paid to have Wrench murdered. Heading back to Limbo, Elise and Wrench sneak back to their home in Brooklyn. Issac finds out and goes to the house with Esme and Vik. Once there, they run into Reina Durante, Thomas’s partner and Issac forces Wrench into remembering what happened the night of the attack. He mentions the name Van Allyn and Esme gets angry and leaves with Vik in tow. Issac and Elise fight over not telling him where she was going and Wrench breaks into a locked room in his house. Inside is armor, weapons and photos belonging to his parents. Reina and Wrench look around before deciding to leave. Everyone goes back to Limbo and Wrench gets some rest before being woken by Esme.

 

Deciding to see is his anger creates chaos, Esme bates him into getting enraged. She calms him down once she sees the damage his rage can create and leaves his room. Wrench hears rushed steps pass his room so he leaves to see Elise and Vik running to Veselko’s office. Following them, he learns that there are two separate attacks happening around New York. Veselko sends Vinni, Vik and Esme to Hell’s Kitchen and Elise and Issac to Harlem. Wrench begs to go along and Issac unwillingly takes him along.

 

In Hell’s Kitchen, Vinni and Vik break-up a turf war between Anthros and Enchantors while Esme buys Hexion (Denizen drugs) to feed her addiction. In Harlem, Issac gets hurt fighting a dead man while he tries to protect Elise and Wrench. The trio learn that it was a trap to lure Wrench out after getting Issac back to Limbo. With Acre out on business, the only person around to heal Issac is the youngest Caiazzo sibling, Eli. Elise tells Wrench that it’s too dangerous to go out again and he leaves Limbo.

 

Wrench contacts Ancel, who tells him to meet him at his place. Once there, Wrench figures out that Ancel is a Sorcerer. He gets tracked to the apartment by Elise, who brings Issac and Vinni. After Issac threatens Ancel, Ancel admits that he put the hit out on Wrench at the behest of his mother Katherine. Issac threatens Anel with prison and Ancel throws them out. Elise and Wrench get into another fight and he runs off. Vinni tells her to let him cool off and he brings Elise and Issac back to Limbo. Wrench gets kidnapped by the man possessing his father.

 

Back at Limbo, Acre discloses to the others that he visited the nurse and looked through Wrench’s personal records. He finds out that every time Wrench moves, it’s after someone in the area gets possessed. Issac figures that his parents figured they were being followed and that Van Allyn has been searching for them for years. Before anyone can go get Wrench, Limbo is visited by Reaper Counsilwoman Lilac Cambro. She’s here to place Elise under arrest for harboring an unaccounted Reaper—Wrench. Tasked with holding Elise for transfer, Vinni instead frees her and tells her to track Wrench down and get him back here.

 

Elise calls Ancel and asks him to track Wrench, who tells her that he’s at the school. Wrench wakes up at the nurse’s office chained to the bed. The man possessing his father and the school nurse are looking over him and have the dead boy and girl at their side. Van Allyn appears and takes Wrench’s trinity knot. She turns the dead boy and girl into Devils, creatures that only know pain, rage and killer instinct. Van Allyn sets them loose in the school and leaves.

 

Elise arrives at the school and goes looking for Wrench. She fights off a dead man and gets injured doing so. When a second one appears, Issac shows up with the twins. Issac yells at her about how she got everyone in this mess and denounces their partnership. The four find Wrench and the Devils go after Vik and Vinni. With Elise injured, Issac lures the two possessed bodies to him and opens a Gate to Limbo’s church grounds.

 

Vik and Vinni fight the Devils, but when Vik gets his eye gouged, Vinni attacks them and gets his leg chewed into. Vik ends up using defeating the Devils with his one good eye and Ancel shows up to heal the pair. Elise frees Wrench and he runs after Van Allyn. She activates the Trinity Knot and the dead begin to rise all over the city.

 

Eli and Esme arrive at the school to look for Katherine and Eli remarks that Esme looks jumpy. She dismisses him and he reveals that he knows that she’s on Hexion. He blackmails her and says that as long she does whatever he wants without question, he won’t tell another soul. She agrees and they find Katherine. The confront her on the hit on Wrench and She attacks Eli. Esme attacks once Eli is down and Katherine picks up on her drug use. She tells Esme that she can teach her to be strong in a real way. Eli deals the knockout that takes out Katherine and he waits for backup with Esme.

 

Issac breaks his leg when he and the other possessed bodies fall into the cemetery. Thomas, Veselko, Reina and Counsilwoman Cambro come to assist him and then go to the school. Wrench fights Van Allyn for the Trinity Knot, eventually getting the upper hand and reversing what she has done. Van Allyn opens a Gate of her own and gets pulled in by a hand. Wrench and Elise pass out.

Wrench wakes up chained to the bed in Limbo. Acre tells him that he’s been out for two days and that he’s been arrested again. This time, for destroying the Trinity Knot. Acre reassures him that the Counsilwoman has nothing on him. Elise and Esme show up and tell him that Veselko has been removed as acting head and has been replaced with Reina. Esme then says that no one believes that Van Allyn is back, except for them and their friends.

 

After getting released, he meets up with Reina and accepts a letter from Veselko. After leaving Reina, he talks to Elise and Ancel. Elise tells her that everyone believes that Reina is a traitor, revealing that Reina was the one who called Counsilwoman Cambro. Issac passes the trio and commends Wrench on a job well done. Elise tells Wrench that she and Issac aren’t partners anymore.

 

Wrench apologizes to Vik and Vinni when he leaves Limbo with Elise. Vik’s right eye has a scar, but he can see. Vinni needs physical therapy for his left leg. They both accept Wrench’s apology and Vinni thanks Ancel for healing himself and his brother.

 

Wrench and Elise read the letter that Veselko left for him and discover that all eyes are now on them. No one believes that Van Allyn is back and with one of the Trinity Knots destroyed and the other two missing, he hopes Wrench will stay at Limbo and chase down the truth behind himself and Van Allyn. Wrench tells Elise that figuring this out might be easier than trying to solve for x.

 

This seems a little on the long side. It varies by agent, but a lot of agents ask for a one to two page synopsis. You put a lot of detail into each paragraph. I think you could eliminate some of these details so that the reader gets the general gist of the story without knowing all of the specifics. 


Query Compatibility YA sci-fi: http://agentquerycon...lity-ya-sci-fi/


#3 Soreen Laythyn

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Posted 07 March 2018 - 04:20 AM

Can you recommend which details I should cut or is this a discretionary thing? Also, how should I describe a scene that has children fearing for their lives because of an unseen force that Wrench can't control?

#4 Author CJ Black

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Posted 28 March 2018 - 07:03 AM

How old is he?  Maybe try, “Seventeen year old -- TERRENCE “WRENCH” GALE has the unfortunate ability to be able to communicate with the dead.  After being suffering an embarrassment in class he flies into a rage…. Flying into a silent rage after getting embarrassed in class,  ability to communicate with the dead makes him turn the classroom into a war zone.  – What happens exactly?  Are this spirits fighting amongst themselves or is this an actual war zone with the students running for their lives?  You may also not want to use the term war zone in a classroom.   One look from his best friend ELISE LENOX, and he calms down, -- it seems it would take a bit more than a look.  ---returning the classroom back to normal. Leaving class, the pair has a run-in with the school bully ISSAC FORTE, who picks a fight with Wrench. Before ending the fight, Issac tells Wrench not to lie about communicating with the dead, calling it “dangerous”.  Does Issac pick the fight because of what happened in the classroom?  So is everyone able to see this?  And how does Issac end the fight?  What is Elise doing all this time?

 

Elise takes him to the nurse’s office and Wrench is visited by a dead girl who mentions that the nurse will try to kill him, as she does anyone who shows up with an injury. Whoa!  Really, why is this?  And will it become relevant to the story later?-- She also asks Wrench if Elise is a Reaper since Elise is staring at them. Wrench questions what a Reaper is and tells the dead girl that Elise can’t see her. The nurse arrives and the dead girl disappears. The nurse hands Wrench some medicine and he dumps it, with some help from Elise.

 

Afterschool, they run into ANCEL EKHART, his other best friend. – If Ancel is a main character, he needs to be mentioned earlier.  It seems he is tacked on as an afterthought.   The trio grab lunch at an underground food joint (?) and discuss the day’s events. Eventually, Elise and Wrench part ways with Ancel in Brooklyn and the two arrive at a two-family house. The two-part ways and Wrench is greeted by his angry father CLARK GALE. We’re getting a few too many people here.  A synopsis is for the main players, protagonists and antagonists.  And why is his father angry?--  After a heated discussion, he goes to his room and is surprised by a dead boy on his bed. He praises Wrench, calling him a hero and tells him that he needs to kill the nurse. Wrench denies this, but the boy says Wrench has to because he’s a Reaper. The boy disappears when his mother KATHERINE GALE enters the room. She berates him on the fight and decides to punish him by taking the one thing that means the world to him; his trinity knot. What is this?  And why does his mother choose to do this.   After refusing, they get into a heated argument that ends with Katherine telling him that she wished she never had him. --Whoa, that’s harsh!  Any reason for this?--He leaves, hurt and unwanted and goes to hang out with Elise. 

 

 

---I started to correct this paragraph then thought this can all go.  You can have the first girl tell him about being a Reaper.  This raises another question, why did the ghost girl only ask about Elise?    And why is he a hero?  This paragraph can be condensed to, “After having an argument with his parents about--, he leaves and goes to Elise.

 

Katherine and Clark talk about what they should do with Wrench and Katherine tells him that she saw him talking to a dead boy. ---Wait, this freaks Clark out but not about the fact that his wife can see dead people?  Clark freaks out and he tells her that they need to prepare, should anything dangerous happen. –Like what?—

 

Elise prods into Wrench’s foul mood and eventually cheers him up. They go back home and Clark and Katherine tell Wrench their --they’re moving, ---Why? something he reacts horribly to and runs to his room. Admiring his trinity knot and contemplating life without his friends, he notices that a dead man is at his window, but can’t come inside. Wrench sees powder on his window and wipes it off. The dead man enters and demands that Wrench hand over his trinity knot. Wrench chooses to die rather than give it to him. --Wait, the ghost kills him over the Trinity Knot?  Or does Wrench kill himself?  His father, mother and Elise burst in dressed in gear and armed with weapons, --Where did all of this come from?  ready to defend Wrench. Both Katherine and Elise are knocked down and his father is possessed by the dead man. With the dead man walking in his father’s skin, Wrench stabs him with his trinity knot. ---So the trinity knot is a dagger?   The dead man leaves in pain and anguish, vowing to come back.

 

Wrench passes out and dreams of Central Park in the winter with Elise and Ancel. He wakes up in pain and chained to a bed. He sees Elise hovering over him, talking to an unseen man. Wrench gets her attention and she explains that he’s been arrested. Wrench, angry that she could communicate with the dead as well, demands answers. She tells him that they are Reapers—half-living half-dead super-humans who fight the dead and protect mortos—humans. The unseen man introduces himself as Doctor Acre and throws them out of the infirmary. Elise tells Wrench that he’s in Limbo, a Reaper’s headquarters. Wrench bumps into Issac and they get into another fight when Issac reveals that he’s a Reaper too. Elise’s father Thomas Prior breaks up the fight and takes Wrench to the acting head of Limbo, Veselko Novak. – Wait is this all his dream? 

 

Wrench runs into the personNot a police officer?--who arrested him, a boy names Vynncint “Vinni” Caiazzo. Vinni leaves and Veselko explains to Wrench that his ability should make him a Reaper, but they don’t know if he is one. He’s the prime suspect in his parent’s disappearance. Thomas tells him that the only way he can prove his innocence is by fixing his broken mind in the Tomb—a place where Reapers get help from Vestals—women bookkeepers and practicers of ancient magic. Elise and Issac take a Gate—a portal—to Hell’s Kitchen. There, a hotel is disguised as the Tomb. Inside, a Vestal named Sister Ashanti and a group of other Vestals try to fix his mind. Wrench only sees fragments and his mother giving him an elixir to make him forget before running away. Feeling dejected, things get worse when Wrench gets his trinity knot pickpocketed. Issac and Wrench tackle a girl, an Anthro woman with snakeskin explains that there’s a hit on Wrench’s life and his trinity knot. Elise explains to Wrench that Anthros are Denizens—half-humans who use black magic and come in different species, like Anthros. –I stopped here.

 

 

Just a few things of note first, character names are in all caps and not in bold.  And I agree with the last person, this is too long.  Most industry professionals prefer one to two pages. I copied and pasted this into Word and it’s almost four pages long.

 

Unfortunately, this is all over the place and we don’t have any idea of the plot.  Is this about Wrench’s power?  His relationships with his friends and parents?  Who is the antagonist?  I would rewrite this whole thing, cut it at least in half and concentrate on the main protagonists and antagonist.  There are way too many characters mentioned and many things happening.  It’s very unfocused.    Secondary characters don’t require mention at all.  There seem to be dozens of people doing all kinds of things.  May I ask what the word count is?  Sorry I couldn’t be more helpful.  I would recommend this service, Operation Awesome to have actual industry professionals look at this at no charge.  They helped me with my synopsis. 

 

https://operationawe...tform=hootsuite

 

Best of luck to you!


CJ Black

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“All I know is, normal people would never become authors.”

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