Hello lovely people,
I revised and edited a lot of my original query, and this is the new one. I will happily look at yours if you look at mine...that sounded weird. You know what I mean. I'm tired.
Few people visit the Kingdom of Nightling. Those that who do rarely return home. Nightling is cursed with eternal winter and if the cold does not kill you, then the Queen no cap gladly will.This isn't bad, but I think you can merge it into the latter half of the next, though the next needs a bit of revision as the 'cruelty' is unclear, esp as she's the queen.
After enduring seventeen years of cruelty from human beings, the mute Queen Lux has banished everyone but her animals from her Kingdom. Alone in the dark, Lux’s life is made bearable because of her beloved wolf, Leod,
who showed her what love was. Andher cherished crow, Avalon, whotaught her sign-language no hyphen and... I'll bite, how in the heck did an animal with no hands teach her sign language? and interprets for her when visitors come knocking.
When Leod and Avalon go missing, Lux finds a note pinned to her castle door: If you do not leave Nightling by morning, I will kill the wolf and crow.
For Lux, a lifetime spent in darkness Also, um, why does someone who spends her life in the dark want or need sign? is far easier than having to leave Nightling and navigate a new world without a voice to help her through.
Andwhen she finds out that Leod and Avalon are being held in the dungeons of the Lannox Kingdom, she knows that leaving to find them means risking the same fate as her animals. She did find them. I'm confused.
But if she does not leave Nightling, she will spend a lifetime in a cursed Kingdom of darkness without the crow who has her voice but she knows sign..., and the wolf who has her heart.
THE WOLF, THE CROW AND THE QUEEN is a Young Adult Fantasy novel, complete at 70,000 words. It is a fairy tale with dirt under its fingernails. And is a mix of Three Dark Crowns and Born Wicked.
I am from Melbourne, Australia and I am studying a B.A in Communications, majoring in Journalism. I also make small talk with strangers so I can pat their dogs.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
First time I've looked at this since the original -- so her problem is sort of clear, still, but her circumstances bring up too many questions (you don't need to answer every question; it's often better to remove the need for someone to ask any than to try to pack in explanations), and I'm not sure of the stakes.