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Quincy Jones & The Titans Wrath(Middle grade Fantasy)


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#1 Math_a_you

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Posted 13 March 2018 - 03:56 PM

Im aware that this needs some work just curious to see people's opinions on how the story sounds. This is the first in a middle grade fantasy series

 

Quincy Jones has never battled a dragon, studied how to interdimensional travel or accidentally made his friends disappear, but all of that is going to change this summer.

Quincy spends his days at Merryview orphanage but nothing about the place is merry. The orphanage head Ms. Mumlin blames him for every bad thing that happens and at merryview nothing good ever happens. It isn’t until his Twelfth birthday when Quincy is chased by freakish black hounds that things begin to change. He is saved by a brave but mysterious man known as Fiask Magglehorn. Fiask explains to Quincy that he is apart of a much bigger world and whisks him away to a place called the in between. An existence between our reality and others. Fiask explains that Quincy is a bender. A person who is not bound by time and space and can bend it to his will, but only if he is trained. Trained at a school known as T.H.E Academy. It is here Quincy finds friends and fun, he finds a new family. But soon after he enrolls a rare artifact known as the Space jewel is stolen and Quincy is on the top list of suspects. Now threatened with expulsion he will stop at nothing to clear his name. With the help of his new friends Sam and Violet, Quincy will travel across the universe in hopes of finding the only person who holds the key to unlocking the truth. But the truth may give rise to a darkness unlike anything the universe has ever seen.



#2 Springfield

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Posted 13 March 2018 - 04:15 PM

Im aware that this needs some work just curious to see people's opinions on how the story sounds. This is the first in a middle grade fantasy series

 

Quincy Jones I just really wouldn't do that. has never battled a dragon, studied how to interdimensional travel you want copy that's as clean as possible, but you especially don't want errors in the first sentence, heh. or accidentally made his friends disappear, but all of that is going to change this summer.

Quincy spends his days at Merryview orphanage but nothing about the place is merry. The orphanage head Ms. Mumlin blames him for every bad thing that happens and at merryview Clean. nothing good ever happens. It isn’t until his Twelfth I'm going to suggest your ms needs a hard editing pass before you send out any queries. birthday when Quincy is chased by freakish black hounds that things begin to change. He is saved by a brave but mysterious man known as Fiask Magglehorn. Fiask explains to Quincy that he is apart of a much bigger world and whisks him away to a place called the in between. An existence between our reality and others. This isn't a sentence, and everything up until here reads like backstory. Fiask explains that Quincy is a bender. A person who is not bound by time and space and can bend it to his will, but only if he is trained. Same. Trained at a school known as T.H.E Academy. Same; I also don't know who this refers to. It is here Quincy finds friends and fun, he finds a new family. But soon after he enrolls a rare artifact known as the Space jewel is stolen and Quincy is on the top list of suspects. It seems like this is where your query starts. Now threatened with expulsion he will stop at nothing to clear his name. With the help of his new friends Sam and Violet, Quincy will travel across the universe in hopes of finding the only person who holds the key to unlocking the truth. But the truth may give rise to a darkness unlike anything the universe has ever seen.

 

 

There's nothing in here about dragons, the end seems like the start but there aren't any specifics, stakes, etc. Also no wordcount, genre, etc.



#3 Math_a_you

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Posted 13 March 2018 - 04:31 PM

There's nothing in here about dragons, the end seems like the start but there aren't any specifics, stakes, etc. Also no wordcount, genre, etc.

 

In the start of this I specifcally stated this wasn't an actual query but just a description of the plot. I just wanted opinions on the story idea.



#4 Springfield

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Posted 13 March 2018 - 04:45 PM

In the start of this I specifcally stated this wasn't an actual query but just a description of the plot. I just wanted opinions on the story idea.

 

You posted in the query critique section. You said -- 

 

Im aware that this needs some work just curious to see people's opinions on how the story sounds. This is the first in a middle grade fantasy series

 
That doesn't say it's not a query. It read to me like you were asking about a query you were working on and how you'd relayed the story in it. 


#5 smithgirl

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Posted 13 March 2018 - 05:00 PM

Yes everyone will assume this is a query -- this is the query critique forum. You could try the Think Tank forum, although you will have to request membership. You can't get general plot/story feedback here. If you haven't done so already, you might also consider joining a writers group. Check SCBWI to see if there are any chapters in your area: https://www.scbwi.org






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