Hello, I'm looking for someone who would be up for swapping their first chapter (or two or three) with me. I'm having issues working out my first chapter, and would like another pair of eyes to take a look at it. Basically, I'm just looking for is this choppy, is this too much backstory, does this flow well, are you confused, etc. My story is about an old farmer and a dog who fall into a world inside of a carrot, so the first chapter is not exactly fantasy or sci-fi, but rather just setting the scene and introducing my characters. Pm me if interested, I'll read just about anything. Query is below, and thanks :)
Jack Avens is having a bad day. His back aches, his dog is missing, and his neighbour has trapped him in a carrot.
After thirty years of vegetable farming, Jack is ready to retire alongside his wife, Fern, and his dog, Chang. After a wretched day in the fields, culminating in the disappearance of his beloved dog, he discovers what appears to be an ordinary carrot. He picks it up, with the intent of tossing it into the compost pile, but is transported to another realm instead.
Jack learns his loathsome neighbour and farming rival, Hal Stormthord, is responsible for pulling him into this strange dimension. Hal has secretly been in love with Fern for decades. Feeling bitter and wronged, he has decided to trap both Jack and Chang in his carrot-world, with the hope their loss will drive Fern into his arms.
But Jack has his skeletons, too. In addition to stealing the woman Hal loves, he’s guilty of sabotaging Hal’s farm and driving him to alcoholism.
Meanwhile, Fern has discovered the carrot back in the real world and plans on eating it for dinner. If she consumes it, Jack and Chang will be lost forever. Jack must now confront his dark past in order to escape with Chang before Fern finishes her dinner and dooms them both to eternity in the carrot.
CHANG AND THE TRANSDIMENSIONAL CARROT is a fantsy/sci-fi novel, blah, blah, blah...