OK... How about this version... took out the laundry list. Would love some feedback.
After Simon witnesses the love of his life cheat on him at a friend’s wedding, he meets Jesus as he is taking a drunken piss against a lighthouse in the middle of Kentucky. Simon is faced with a choice: Follow Jesus, or fight for love.
Simon unknowingly helps Jesus escape. After margaritas, stigmata, and senoritas, the people who have held Jesus captive for the last two thousand years track them down and shoot their car full of holes. When Jesus pulls Simon from the wreckage, it is all the proof he needs to believe in God. Once on the mend, they decide to withdraw money from the local Mega-church and an absurd journey begins.
Simon is seeking to escape a life with no meaning, looking for someone to save him. Jesus is looking to escape the role of savior. Both are fleeing a growing list of people out to get them, and when a school shooting occurs that Jesus doesn’t or can’t stop, neither knows if their lives are worth saving. In the end, it is violence, not sacrifice, that is the answer and the tragedy for them both.
I FOUND JESUS: THE LAST TESTAMENT, complete at over 97,600 words, is an absurdist fiction novel that will appeal to a reader of Chuck Palahniuk and be a compliment to Christopher Moore’s LAMB.