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First chapter swap for a 97k YA suspense with very light sci-fi elements

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#1 Caligulas


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Posted 26 March 2018 - 05:57 AM

I think I've edited this story into exhaustion and sat on it long enough that it's ready for fresh eyes to see whether or not the story pulls. Query is below. If anyone would like to check out the first chapter to see if they're interested in reading more. Let me know. Thanks for any replies. :)

Seventeen-year-old Ky Abelson couldn’t give a crap less that the temperature has dropped into the negatives, the moon dimmed, and every star extinguished from the sky. His older brother’s dying of cancer, and all Ky can care about is how to get his next beer.

Until creaks and moans echo from his brother’s cold bedroom.

There’s no way Ky’s drunk enough to mistake what he sees—something with grey skin and eyes blacker than the night sky. When it disappears leaving Ky to an uneasy sleep, he wakes to unpredicted snowfall burying a corpse outside his house.

Now the Sheriff’s asking questions, trying to revisit the garbage that happened years ago. But Ky won’t have it. Blaming the creature for how his brother’s ass of an ex ended up dead will sooner send Ky to the psych ward than exonerate him.

But another person’s murdered, and then another.

Somehow, people Ky wouldn’t have minded seeing dead are ending up as such. Always around the same time. Always with sightings.

An unpredicted Nor’easter’s devastating middle-of-nowhere, Lorelai Falls. With his brother’s last moments slipping away, Ky doesn’t have time to convince the Sheriff he hasn’t snapped. His only option is to find the creature he’s damn sure hasn’t shown up by coincidence and give the Sheriff something more difficult than his easy arrest. Then maybe he can get to his brother, get eyes away from his house... and what happened years ago can stay as buried as Lorelai.

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