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Regicide, Hook


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#1 thecraigstone

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Posted 26 March 2018 - 02:56 PM

Looking for your feedback on the following two short synopses.

Publisher's One-liner: Retired tech mogul kidnapped by terrorists becomes their leader.

Tweet-length Summary: Spencer used to be a younger Steve Jobs. Now he's retired, losing his mind, and hostage to extremists. Will he survive; is any of it real?



#2 rhwashere

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Posted 17 April 2018 - 03:40 PM

I think your publisher's pitch is more interesting, specifically the idea of a kidnapped person leading his kidnappers.

 

I don't like the questions in the second one. Both "Will he survive" and "is any of it real" are cliche. To keep with the theme of the first pitch, you might do better with: "He's about to become their leader." It's about the same character-length.


Please feel free to critique my query: http://agentquerycon...de-32318/page-4





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