New draft in post #20
First draft for CLOVER, a YA Science Fiction story. I'd be grateful for any feedback you have for me. Thanks!
Dear *Agent*, A Wheezer’s life expectancy is just twenty-years-old. Fifteen-year-old Arma Agriont never even expected to make it to sixteen. But her older brother sacrificed his life to ensure she did. Arma and her brother are Wheezers, tasked with venturing out of their roaming base to brave the barren, sun-scorched Wilds in search of seeds to grow in Idyll – the suspended capsule at the heart of their base. The flora within produces oxygen for the entire base and any excess is siphoned off to be used as currency by the higher class known as Elites. They are kissed by the vicious sun not scorched by it. Skin smooth and flawless, not scarred by sand-filled winds. Hair long and black and silky, not short and sun-bleached white-gold. Lungs still intact, not in tatters like Arma's. Out in the Wilds, Arma collapses and only survives because her brother snatches an oxygen mask off the face of Munir, once a Wheezer, now an Elite after an unjust promotion. Munir’s testimony gets Arma’s brother executed for treason. Left inside Idyll all night, the carbon dioxide kills him slowly, and Arma is forced to watch by Orchid, the base’s leader. Barely able to work, Arma suspects the other Wheezers will vote to have her killed too. Her best friend, Zaro, insists he’d never vote her out. It is a lie. Before they come for her, a mysterious stranger claiming to be her brother’s friend smuggles her out into the Wilds. She gives Arma one message: make the most of this second chance. The Wilds claim Arma’s leg, but she eventually finds another roving base and reinvents herself as Clover, an Elite. Though it is excruciating, she sells her family heirloom, a four-leaf clover preserved in amber, for a fortune and swears vengeance on those who wronged her and murdered her brother: Orchid, Munir and Zaro. But while in search of revenge, Arma discovers a secret about the Elites that could scupper her plot. She must decide what is more important: vengeance or revealing a secret that could ultimately free the Wheezers – her people – from their lives of misery and pain and endless servitude. CLOVER is a standalone YA Science Fiction novel with series potential, complete at 90,000 words. It is a gender-bent retelling of the COUNT OF MONTE CRISTO set in a Sci-Fi world where oxygen is currency.