After loving and losing each other in life after life, Melanie and Mario have found each other again in this incarnation, but Melanie’s husband stands between them, threatening not only their love, but also Melanie’s life. [could this be split into two shorter sentences? The actual content is good and there's nothing grammatically wrong, it's just this long sentence is 5 clauses and a little harder to read. Two punchy sentences instead of one lengthy one would really make the opening pop]
Less than a year into her marriage to Jim, Melanie is already having doubts. His drinking and verbal abuse started on their honeymoon, but divorce is something Melanie is loath to consider. The friendship that begins developing between Melanie and Mario is strictly platonic, but in her heart she wishes it didn’t have to be. Jim doesn’t do their marriage any favors by staying out drinking all night, leaving Melanie feeling abandoned. The war Melanie is fighting with her emotions is going to come to a head, and it might result in her death. [I understand this kind of plot complication - an abusive previous relationship - is par for the course in the romance novel genre, but if I'm looking at it critically rather than just accepting romance novel tropes uncritically...Melanie seems to have two problems here rather than one, and one seems much bigger than the other. One problem is that Jim doesn't love her. The other problem is that Jim appears to be turning violent and trying to kill her. The second one seems much more immediate and in need of attention than the first, but it feels like you're running the two dilemmas together like they're the same thing?
Again, I know within the genre the answer to both problems is still going to be 'Mario', but after you've dropped the bombshell that Jim is potentially homicidal, I now can't concentrate on reading on because I'm internally screaming at Melanie 'CALL THE POLICE! Have you SEEN the US intimate-partner-violence homicide stats lately?! We have to get you help at the nearest women's shelter...screw your love life, you're in immediate physical danger!' Perhaps, if the stakes are so high, rewriting this first paragraph to reflect stronger emotions? Melanie seems to be quite complacent about her potential impending death - I understand that victims of abusive relationships can often use these kinds of psychological tactics to themselves, to cope with their situation, where they minimize or deny the danger because they don't feel there's an alternative, but if that's what Melanie is deliberately doing then you, as omniscient narrator, maybe need to say so. I also think we need more explanation on why Melanie doesn't want to divorce. Again, I know folks in abusive situations often have good reason why they're not just able to walk out the door and leave a violent partner, but, again, maybe you should describe this in more detail. Make Melanie less passive if you can, suggest her reacting to her circumstances more. Agents are often looking for rounded female characters with inner strength, and Melanie's coming off as a bit of a fainting, passive, damsel-in-distress here. Right now this paragraph just feels like it's not taking the potential danger seriously. Having high stakes is fine, but the disproportionate character response TO these stakes isn't quite working]
Mario’s life got a lot more interesting when a woman with wild red hair and
fiery [I get the impression you're trying to give but this is not the right adjective for a pair of eyes. Mull it over on Thesaurus.com for a substitute] green eyes rode into it on a flashy Appaloosa. His attraction to her is instant and takes a turn for the mysterious when he begins having dreams about her the night after he meets her. The dreams change, but they always end the same way: with death and heartbreak. When Mario realizes that the dreams are visions of past lives they’ve lived together, he finally understands his attraction to her. The knowledge is of small comfort,
because along with it comes the realization that Jim has been killing Melanie over and over.[ok, that's really interesting. Cool twist. These are great stakes and you should absolutely keep this description of them in. Again, though, you could capitalize on these very high stakes with a little more sense of urgency. As above, Mario's response seems oddly muted and accepting. It's a bit of an understatement to say that finding out the love of your life has been repeatedly brutually murdered is 'not comforting'. Can we have another short sentence on something like what emotional effect this has on Jim, how he plans to leap into action to help the situation, a suggestion of what Melanie can do to free herself from the cycle, maybe? You have enough room in your word count for a tad more detail, and I think it would hook an agent's interest even more effectively.]
INFINITY is an 108,000 word romance novel [bit on the long side for a romance. If you're at all able to give the MS another editing pass and shave another few thousand off, you will increase your chances. I know it's really tough, especially if you've already edited a bunch, but from past experience querying long MSes, you add another few potentially interested agents for every 1000 words you chip off a too-long MS] about love that spans lifetimes,
the parts we play in each other’s lives, and the connection between humans that transcends our earthly existence.[Normally it's advised not to put in much about theme, as opposed to plot and characterisation, as the idea in a query is to make it clear through the description that it's a novel with these sorts of themes BUT I think you can get away with a little here, if you trim the scored-out bit :) It's nicely-phrased and it feels like it fits.]
Thank you for your time and consideration.