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#21 BrookeJS

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Posted 16 April 2018 - 10:41 PM

Holy cow!  If I were an agent, I'd be requesting the full on this one, no joke!  I can't see anything I'd change.  Others may feel otherwise, but I feel this is ready

 

Well thank you very much! =)


If you have time I would love feedback on my query: http://agentquerycon...epic/?p=355403 

If you could spare a moment I would really appreciate critiques on my synopsis: http://agentquerycon...ntasy/?p=355669

 


#22 BrookeJS

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Posted 18 April 2018 - 03:14 PM

Okay, reposting and bumping for attention. I noticed a mistake I made, I repeated the phrase "great power" twice. I have a few options. The one below I exchanged the line in the final paragraph to "wanting its power for themselves", referring to the stone. I can remove the phrase after the line in which she is told she is the "Feyling" or just delete it altogether after the line that people are now chasing after her. Feedback appreciated!!

 

 

 

The Feyling is a creature of myth and legend. Folk claim that, long ago, the Feyling bartered her soul, and her lover, for the power to seal away unimaginable evil. The tale has always been just that – a story – an analogy for the goddesses love for the world.

 

That is until Keirann accidentally releases a mystical stone from an ancient shrine. Engulfed in a blaze of light, a voice sounds in her head – declaring her Feyling, bearer of great power and promising to aid her in defeating coming catastrophe. Witnesses of the event begin spreading word of the old prophesy. It doesn’t help that Keirann is one of eight candidates to become High Priestess of the Faith.

 

Two fates converge and Keirann, feeling suffocated and afraid, decides to run away. She never wanted the role of High Priestess, let alone the mantle of Feyling. She doesn’t believe in the goddess and she certainly doesn’t believe in ancient myths. The Faith has only ever caused her pain and loss, taking and abusing where it will. She would rather spend her days hunting, experimenting with herbal remedies, and carousing with local soldiers. Keirann decides she will forge her own destiny, regardless of the machinations of those closest to her.

 

Soon, however, agents of calamity and war begin to come for her and the stone – wanting its power for themselves. Keirann flees her twin destinies but she swiftly learns her choices have deadly consequences. Now Keirann must choose: sacrifice her freedom or continue forward, putting at risk all she left behind.


If you have time I would love feedback on my query: http://agentquerycon...epic/?p=355403 

If you could spare a moment I would really appreciate critiques on my synopsis: http://agentquerycon...ntasy/?p=355669

 


#23 mkuriel

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Posted 18 April 2018 - 06:58 PM

The Feyling is a creature of myth and legend. [this first sentence ends rather abruptly and doesn't offer anything that suggests why a Feyling is different from a chimera or a dragon. Suggest: The Feyling is a mythical creature who always saves the Faithful from catastrophe.] Folk claim that, long ago, the Feyling bartered her soul, and her lover, for the power to seal away unimaginable evil. The tale has always been just that – a story – an analogy for the goddess' love for the world.

 

That is until Keirann accidentally releases a mystical stone from an ancient shrine. Engulfed in a blaze of light, a voice sounds in her head – declaring her Feyling, bearer of great power and promising to aid her in defeating coming catastrophe. Witnesses [contradiction. How do other people witness the declaration of a mental voice? All they'd see is a blaze of light. And grammatically, the previous sentence says that a mental voice was engulfed in light. It's funny, that sentence didn't bother me when I read it the first time but the more I read it, the more I realize how all over the place it is. I'm certain that you mean: While light from the stone blinds her, a voice declares her Feyling. Then the stupid thing talks in her head, refusing to shut up about how it's going to help her avert some "impending catastrophe." (admittedly, I'm taking some liberties with Keirann's voice)] of the event  begin [wordy, redundant] spreading word of the old prophesy. It doesn’t help that Keirann is one of eight candidates to become High Priestess of the Faith.

 

Two fates converge and Keirann, feeling suffocated and afraid, decides to run away. She never wanted the role of High Priestess, let alone the mantle of Feyling. She doesn’t believe in the goddess and she certainly doesn’t believe in ancient myths. The Faith has only ever caused her pain and loss, taking and abusing where it will. She would rather spend her days hunting, experimenting with herbal remedies, and carousing with local soldiers. Keirann decides she will forge her own destiny, regardless of the machinations of those closest to her. [Does she only decide, or does she do something? I.e. After deciding to forge her own destiny, Keirann flees the Temple, living as a traveling herbalist.]

 

Soon, however, agents of calamity and war begin to come for her and the stone – wanting its power for themselves. Keirann flees her twin destinies but she swiftly learns her choices have deadly consequences. Now Keirann must choose: sacrifice her freedom or continue forward, putting at risk all she left behind. [The second sentence doesn't deliver anything concrete; my trouble with this last paragraph is that I've no idea what "continuing forward" means, only a vague idea of what she's putting at risk, and can only guess what the agents have to do with it all. Suggest painting a picture: After witnessing an agent of calamity beat a woman senseless after she fails to hand over the mystical stone, Keriann faces a choice: return to the Faithful, succumb to prophesy, or live freely on her own terms and risk handing unimaginable power to ruthless killers.]

 

It's getting there, well done!

 

I accept all feedback: http://agentquerycon...2-red-initiate/



#24 Raichu

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Posted 20 April 2018 - 05:20 AM

​Okay, reposting and bumping for attention. I noticed a mistake I made, I repeated the phrase "great power" twice. I have a few options. The one below I exchanged the line in the final paragraph to "wanting its power for themselves", referring to the stone. I can remove the phrase after the line in which she is told she is the "Feyling" or just delete it altogether after the line that people are now chasing after her. Feedback appreciated!!

 

 

 

The Feyling is a creature of myth and legend. Folk claim that, long ago, the Feyling bartered her soul, and her lover, for the power to seal away unimaginable evil. The tale has always been just that – a story – an analogy for the goddesses love for the world. (Nice hook)

 

That is until Keirann accidentally releases a mystical stone from an ancient shrine. Engulfed in a blaze of light, a voice sounds in her head – declaring her Feyling, bearer of great power and promising to aid her in defeating coming catastrophe. Witnesses of the event begin spreading word of the old prophesy. It doesn’t help that Keirann is one of eight candidates to become High Priestess of the Faith. (This last sentence confused me a little. I think you should merge this with the next paragraph. It would mess up your "Two fates converge"-sentence, but to me it would make more sense when we know she feels suffocated by the role. Or consider rephrasing it to work better with the previous sentence.)

 

Two fates converge and Keirann, feeling suffocated and afraid, decides to run away. She never wanted the role of High Priestess (as one of eight candidates, I can't see it being a problem if she runs away. High Priestess sounds like a high honor, and the others will likely cherish the chance), let alone the mantle of Feyling. She doesn’t believe in the goddess and she certainly doesn’t believe in ancient myths. The Faith has only ever caused her pain and loss, taking and abusing where it will. She would rather spend her days hunting, experimenting with herbal remedies, and carousing with local soldiers. (I like this) Keirann decides she will forge her own destiny, regardless of the machinations of those closest to her. (this last sentence seems a bit vague to me)

 

Soon, however, agents of calamity and war begin to come for her and the stone – wanting its power for themselves. Keirann flees her twin destinies but she swiftly learns her choices have deadly consequences. Now Keirann must choose: sacrifice her freedom or continue forward, putting at risk all she left behind.

Hi!
I added a few comments above on the few sentences that stood out to me, but it's really minor stuff. This query does what it's supposed to and I feel there is little I can add to it. The stakes are clear and Kierann's emotions are easy to understand. The one thing I'd like to point out is the part about her being successor to the role of high priestess. I read in an earlier version that she is the one that is meant to be high priestess, but in this query it reads as if she's only one of eight. In my opinion, "the twin fates", "two fates converge" fall a little flat when it is not clear that it really is two fates. 

Overall, this is a great query and I really like the voice of it. A few tweaks and I think you're there :-)

Hope this is of any help to you :-)



#25 BrookeJS

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Posted 20 April 2018 - 02:57 PM

Hi!
I added a few comments above on the few sentences that stood out to me, but it's really minor stuff. This query does what it's supposed to and I feel there is little I can add to it. The stakes are clear and Kierann's emotions are easy to understand. The one thing I'd like to point out is the part about her being successor to the role of high priestess. I read in an earlier version that she is the one that is meant to be high priestess, but in this query it reads as if she's only one of eight. In my opinion, "the twin fates", "two fates converge" fall a little flat when it is not clear that it really is two fates. 

Overall, this is a great query and I really like the voice of it. A few tweaks and I think you're there :-)

Hope this is of any help to you :-)

 

Hi Raichu, thank you for commenting! I appreciate you pointing out why it was that the "two fates" comment was confusing to you. I've been asking and so far no one had really specified. The issue with your concerns regarding her being "one of eight" was initially explained in one of my first queries. She is one of eight, but these eight are part of a bloodline, even if they don't become Ouala (High Priestess) they are forced to marry and continue the bloodline. So that ties in with an ultimatum Keirann receives from her father. I was told that it was too much going on. In an effort to narrow down and focus on one of the main plots I tried to find a way to still impart that Keirann is being forced into something she doesn't want without being overly wordy and dumping a whole ton of information onto someone. If I write it as "she is the or a successor" then I worry that it may be too misleading. 

 

If anyone has any suggestions they may see to work around that, I am open to suggestions but where I'm currently at I'm not able to see a solution. Thank you again for your comments!


If you have time I would love feedback on my query: http://agentquerycon...epic/?p=355403 

If you could spare a moment I would really appreciate critiques on my synopsis: http://agentquerycon...ntasy/?p=355669

 


#26 A. Wass

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Posted 20 April 2018 - 03:23 PM

 

 

The Feyling is a creature of myth and legend. Folk claim that, long ago, the Feyling bartered her soul, and her lover, for the power to seal away unimaginable evil. The tale has always been just that – a story – an analogy for the goddesses love for the world. I'm not sure if I like this or not. It seems...idk...telly? cliché? Idk what. It's not bad, I just feel like it could be better.

 

That is until Keirann accidentally releases a mystical stone from an ancient shrine. Engulfed in a blaze of light, a voice sounds in her head – declaring her Feyling, bearer of great power and promising to aid her in defeating coming catastrophe. Witnesses of the event begin spreading word of the old prophesy. It doesn’t help that Keirann is one of eight candidates to become High Priestess of the Faith. I would like a tiny bit more info on what High Priestess of the Faith is and what it means to Keirann.

 

Two(Keirann's and who else??) fates converge and Keirann, feeling suffocated and afraid, decides to run away. She never wanted the role of High Priestess (there it is! If she doesn't want it, why is she a candidate?), let alone the mantle of Feyling. She doesn’t believe in the goddess and she certainly doesn’t believe in ancient myths. The Faith has only ever caused her pain and loss (I like this), taking and abusing where it will. She would rather spend her days hunting, experimenting with herbal remedies, and carousing with local soldiers. Keirann decides she will forge her own destiny, regardless of the machinations of those closest to her.

 

Soon, however, agents(this is vague and doesn't pain a "bad guy" for me) of calamity and war begin to come for her and the stone – wanting its power for themselves. Keirann flees her twin (again, the reference to "two" confuses me) destinies but she swiftly learns her choices have deadly consequences. Now Keirann must choose: sacrifice her freedom or continue forward, putting at risk all she left behind.

 

Mostly, I think it's too vague. It starts off good and unique, and quickly gets nondescript to the point I'm not 100% clear on the issue/stakes.

 

Take what you will from my critique, since I'm struggling to no end on my own stupid query at the moment haha.



#27 BrookeJS

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Posted Yesterday, 01:05 AM

​Thank you A. Wass for your critique. I'm trying to pay attention to what everyone is saying and incorporate it where I can. At the same time I'm trying to remain true to my voice and stick with what my gut tells me too. 

 

​I'm confused by why everyone is confused by the "two fates" line. I've said before it's her future as Ouala (High Priestess) and Feyling. So, I've tried to clear that up as best I can in this new version. My concern now is everyone is going to say it's too much information lol. So, I guess we will see. 

 

​If someone happens to see an issue and perhaps has an example to further explain their concern that would be really helpful to me so I can get a different perspective on this. Thank you again for all the help!

 

 

 

 

The Feyling is a creature of myth and legend. Folk claim that, long ago, the Feyling bartered her soul, and her lover, for the power to seal away unimaginable evil. The tale has always been just that, a story. That is until Keirann accidentally releases a mystical stone from an ancient shrine.

 

Engulfed in a blaze of light, a voice from the stone sounds in her head – declaring her Feyling, bearer of great power and promising to aid her in defeating coming catastrophe. The legend surrounding the shrine is well known and folk who witness the event believe Keirann to be a chosen champion of the goddess Illyia. It doesn’t help that Keirann is one of eight candidates to become Ouala, High Priestess of the Faith. With the unwelcome return of her father, Keirann is reminded she must succeed as Ouala or be married off to continue her family’s magical lineage. Ouala, Feyling, for Keirann it is all too much.

 

The two fates converge and Keirann, feeling suffocated and afraid, decides to run away. She never wanted the role of Ouala, let alone the mantle of Feyling. She doesn’t believe in the goddess and she certainly doesn’t believe in ancient myths. The Faith has only ever caused her pain and loss, taking and abusing where it will. She would rather spend her days hunting, experimenting with herbal remedies, and carousing with local soldiers. Keirann decides she will forge her own destiny, regardless of the machinations of her family.

 

Soon, however, violent mercenaries begin to come for her and the stone – wanting its power for themselves. Keirann flees her twin destinies but she swiftly learns her choices have deadly consequences. Now Keirann must choose: sacrifice her freedom or continue forward, putting at risk all she left behind.


If you have time I would love feedback on my query: http://agentquerycon...epic/?p=355403 

If you could spare a moment I would really appreciate critiques on my synopsis: http://agentquerycon...ntasy/?p=355669

 


#28 Oldborne

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Posted Yesterday, 03:25 AM

​Thank you A. Wass for your critique. I'm trying to pay attention to what everyone is saying and incorporate it where I can. At the same time I'm trying to remain true to my voice and stick with what my gut tells me too. 

 

​I'm confused by why everyone is confused by the "two fates" line. I've said before it's her future as Ouala (High Priestess) and Feyling. So, I've tried to clear that up as best I can in this new version. My concern now is everyone is going to say it's too much information lol. So, I guess we will see. 

 

​If someone happens to see an issue and perhaps has an example to further explain their concern that would be really helpful to me so I can get a different perspective on this. Thank you again for all the help!

 

 

 

 

The Feyling is a creature of myth and legend. Folk claim that, long ago, the Feyling bartered her soul, and her lover, for the power to seal away unimaginable evil. The tale has always been just that, a story. That is until Keirann accidentally releases a mystical stone from an ancient shrine. Explaining what a Feyling is, is good idea but I think this paragraph should go a little more like this: When High Priestess in training Keirann accidentally releases a mystical stone she is declared Feyling, a creature of myth and legend. The Feyling is said to have bartered her soul and her lover for the power to seal way unimaginable evil. But Keirann's religion, the Faith, denies the existence of the Feyling...etc Or something along those lines. This way we're getting background and story simultaneously.  

 

Engulfed in a blaze of light, a voice from the stone sounds in her head – declaring her Feyling, bearer of great power and promising to aid her in defeating coming catastrophe. The legend surrounding the shrine is well known and folk who witness the event believe Keirann to be a chosen champion of the goddess Illyia Unnecessarily specific for the query. It doesn’t help that Keirann is one of eight candidates to become Ouala, High Priestess of the Faith. With the unwelcome return of her father, Keirann is reminded she must succeed as Ouala or be married off to continue her family’s magical lineage Good friction here but perhaps forgo mentioning that her father's returned because that mostly just makes us wonder where he's been. Maybe something like: If she doesn't become Ouala, Keirann's emotionless father will marry her off to the highest bidder But in your own words. I don't even think you need the magical lineage point to be honest. . Ouala, Feyling, for Keirann it is all too much.

 

The two fates converge and Keirann, feeling suffocated and afraid, decides to run away flees. She never wanted the role of Ouala, let alone the mantle of Feyling. She doesn’t believe in the goddess and she certainly doesn’t believe in ancient myths. The Faith has only ever caused her pain and loss, taking and abusing where it will. She would rather spend her days hunting, experimenting with herbal remedies, and carousing with local soldiers So I have liked this line in the past but it's out of place here now given context. You built the idea that she's left because she's conflicted morally, ideologically, and the pressure is too much. I feel like saying she just wants to do drugs and get wasted with soldiers undermines her character. It worked in the past because it came earlier and the stakes weren't so set.. Keirann decides she will forge her own destiny, regardless of the machinations of her family her societal obligationsJust a suggestion because it sounds like more than just her family are pressuring her. She has the Faith, the stone, and the people who think she's that champion. 

 

Soon, however, violent redundant, mercenaries are violent by default mercenaries begin to come for her and the stone – wanting its power for themselves. Keirann flees her twin destinies but she swiftly learns her choices have deadly consequences. Now Keirann must choose: sacrifice her freedom or continue forward, putting at risk all she left behind. This is still rather vague here. What are the deadly consequences? Why exactly must she choose?

A lot better than the last draft I read -- you're certainly getting close! Sorry if it looks like I've torn it to shreds, I was trying to expand on my comments as per your request for examples. Mostly, I think you need to start with Keirann at the beginning but weave it into the description of the Feyling. At the end you need to get rid of the vagueness surrounding your stakes and give us very clear cause and effect: 

If X happens, X will happen. 
If Keirann doesn't X, X

 

It doesn't have to be as simple as that, but it'll give you something to build on.

Hope this helps, you're getting there bit by bit! 


 


All feedback appreciated: http://agentquerycon...ust-sf-mystery/

 


#29 Bkrasnik

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Posted Yesterday, 08:10 PM

​Thank you A. Wass for your critique. I'm trying to pay attention to what everyone is saying and incorporate it where I can. At the same time I'm trying to remain true to my voice and stick with what my gut tells me too. 

 

​I'm confused by why everyone is confused by the "two fates" line. I've said before it's her future as Ouala (High Priestess) and Feyling. So, I've tried to clear that up as best I can in this new version. My concern now is everyone is going to say it's too much information lol. So, I guess we will see. 

 

​If someone happens to see an issue and perhaps has an example to further explain their concern that would be really helpful to me so I can get a different perspective on this. Thank you again for all the help!

 

 

 

 

The Feyling is a creature of myth and legend. Folk claim that, long ago, the Feyling bartered her soul,(if you are trying to say she exchanged her soul and her lover to seal away the evil, I suggest deleting the comma to make it flow better) and her lover, for the power to seal away unimaginable evil. The tale has always been just that, a story. That is until Keirann accidentally releases a mystical stone from an ancient shrine.

 

Engulfed in a blaze of light, a voice from the stone sounds in her head – declaring her Feyling, bearer of great power and promising to aid her in defeating coming catastrophe. The legend surrounding the shrine is well known and folk who witness the event believe Keirann to be a chosen champion of the goddess Illyia. It doesn’t help that Keirann is one of eight candidates to become Ouala, High Priestess of the Faith. With the unwelcome return of her father, Keirann is reminded she must succeed as Ouala or be married off to continue her family’s magical lineage. Ouala, Feyling, for Keirann it is all too much. (I know that in Fantasy there are a lot of new names for all sorts of things, but introducing too many of them is a bad idea because it gets confusing very quickly and the reader loses sight of the storyline. Try to introduce only the most important Fantasy elements, the ones that are crucial to the main plot. For example, I think you need to delete the part about the goddess Illyia and instead clarify what it means to be a chosen champion.)

 

The two fates converge (I don't like "converge" here.) and Keirann, feeling suffocated and afraid, decides to run away. She never wanted the role of Ouala, let alone the mantle of Feyling. She doesn’t believe in the goddess and she certainly doesn’t believe in ancient myths. The Faith has only ever caused her pain and loss, taking and abusing where it will. She would rather spend her days hunting, experimenting with herbal remedies, and carousing with local soldiers.(this is a distraction). Keirann decides she will forge her own destiny, regardless of the machinations of her family.

 

Soon, however, violent mercenaries begin to come for her and the stone – wanting its power for themselves. Keirann flees her twin destinies but she swiftly learns her choices have deadly consequences. Now Keirann must choose: sacrifice her freedom or continue forward, putting at risk all she left behind.

 

The introduction of too many fantasy elements and all the fine details of this world are bogging down your query to the point where I am distracted from the storyline. I think you need to do some cleanup here. Your storyline is decent, but I think you can make it a lot better by focusing less on how she has two fates and feels compelled to run away, and more on what happens after that. Like what are these deadly consequences? I want a taste of that, so I can see you have high stakes.  


Have a moment to offer up some very much appreciated feedback? :)

My Young Adult Dystopian Query: http://agentquerycon...ate-on-post-15/


#30 galian84

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Posted Yesterday, 09:49 PM

The Feyling is a creature of myth and legend. Folk claim that, long ago, the Feyling bartered her soul, and her lover, for the power to seal away unimaginable evil. The tale has always been just that, a story. That is until Keirann  accidentally releases a mystical stone from an ancient shrine. (Oldborne above me gave you some good advice on changing this line. As it stands right now, it falls a little flat for me...would help to introduce Keirann first, and then weave in the backstory)

 

Engulfed in a blaze of light, a voice from the stone sounds in her head – declaring her Feyling, bearer of great power and promising to aid her in defeating coming catastrophe (cool concept, but vague. What kind of catastrophe? It would punch up the query if you were more specific). The legend surrounding the shrine is well known and folk who witness the event believe Keirann to be a chosen champion of the goddess Illyia(Goddess' name is irrelevant, here. She's not mentioned again) It doesn’t help that Keirann is one of eight candidates to become Ouala, High Priestess of the Faith (no need to mention Ouala, IMHO. Just saying High Priestess is enough information for query purposes). With the unwelcome return of her father (from where?), Keirann is reminded she must succeed as Ouala or be married off to continue her family’s magical lineage (had no idea she/her family has magical powers until now. What kind of powers do they have and why is it so important to continue their lineage?). Ouala, Feyling, for Keirann it is all too much.

 

The two fates converge and Keirann, feeling suffocated and afraid, decides to run away. She never wanted the role of Ouala, let alone the mantle of Feyling. She doesn’t believe in the goddess and she certainly doesn’t believe in ancient myths. The Faith has only ever caused her pain and loss, taking and abusing where it will. She would rather spend her days hunting, experimenting with herbal remedies, and carousing with local soldiers (Agreeing with another critter here. I liked this line too, initially, but now it seems out of place because it comes too late. This makes it sound like she runs away to do drugs and sleep around, which doesn't make her very sympathetic). Keirann decides she will forge her own destiny, regardless of the machinations of her family.

 

Soon, however, violent mercenaries begin to come for her and the stone – wanting its power for themselves. Keirann flees her twin destinies but she swiftly learns her choices have deadly consequences (what kind of consequences? Again, specifics here would give it more punch). Now Keirann must choose: sacrifice her freedom or continue forward, putting at risk all she left behind (I understand the first part of your stakes, but risking all she left behind falls flat for me. Mostly because I'm told that she wants to run from her destinies, so why would she care about the family/faith she left behind, if she wanted nothing to do with them in the first place?).

Hi Brooke, you're getting there. This is definitely better than your previous versions. Still have a lot going on (which isn't necessarily a bad thing), and I still think you could do with more specifics in certain areas. My comments above, take from them what you will. 

 

I, too, am still revising my query, and I know it's not easy. Keep at it, you'll get there!



#31 Aightball

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Posted Yesterday, 10:04 PM

​Thank you A. Wass for your critique. I'm trying to pay attention to what everyone is saying and incorporate it where I can. At the same time I'm trying to remain true to my voice and stick with what my gut tells me too. 

 

​I'm confused by why everyone is confused by the "two fates" line. I've said before it's her future as Ouala (High Priestess) and Feyling. So, I've tried to clear that up as best I can in this new version. My concern now is everyone is going to say it's too much information lol. So, I guess we will see. 

 

​If someone happens to see an issue and perhaps has an example to further explain their concern that would be really helpful to me so I can get a different perspective on this. Thank you again for all the help!

 

 

 

 

The Feyling is a creature of myth and legend. Folk claim that, long ago, the Feyling bartered her soul, and her lover, for the power to seal away unimaginable evil. The tale has always been just that, a story. That is until Keirann accidentally releases a mystical stone from an ancient shrine.

 

Engulfed in a blaze of light, a voice from the stone sounds in her head – declaring her Feyling, bearer of great power and promising to aid her in defeating coming catastrophe. The legend surrounding the shrine is well known and folk who witness the event believe Keirann to be a chosen champion of the goddess Illyia. It doesn’t help that Keirann is one of eight candidates to become Ouala, High Priestess of the Faith. With the unwelcome return of her father, Keirann is reminded she must succeed as Ouala or be married off to continue her family’s magical lineage. Ouala, Feyling, for Keirann it is all too much.

 

The two fates converge and Keirann, feeling suffocated and afraid, decides to run away. She never wanted the role of Ouala, let alone the mantle of Feyling. She doesn’t believe in the goddess and she certainly doesn’t believe in ancient myths. The Faith has only ever caused her pain and loss, taking and abusing where it will. She would rather spend her days hunting, experimenting with herbal remedies, and carousing with local soldiers. Keirann decides she will forge her own destiny, regardless of the machinations of her family.

 

Soon, however, violent mercenaries begin to come for her and the stone – wanting its power for themselves. Keirann flees her twin destinies but she swiftly learns her choices have deadly consequences. Now Keirann must choose: sacrifice her freedom or continue forward, putting at risk all she left behind.

 

Honestly, I think you're there!  Let me know when this hits shelves! =)


Most girls are made of
sugar and spice and everything nice; they
screwed up the recipe for me: I'm made of
bat wings and broken things.

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Short Story "Anguish", in Winter's Regret: http://www.amazon.co...winter's regret

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Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: Fiction, Fantasy, Adventure

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