2 replies to this topic

[Lances]

Dear

I would like to submit my story, My Criminal Career, for your consideration. This is a completed manuscript of 65,000 words of the crime/thriller genre.

Unemployed Dean ends up selling drugs. He is involved in homicide then double-crossed by his cocaine supplier. The police start following him after a 'friend' is murdered in Sydney airport. He meets a new cocaine supplier on a dating site. Dean eventually learns that crime does not pay.

I am new to writing and this is my first book to be published.

Thanking you for your consideration,

Lance Schukies

[Springfield]

Dear

I would like to submit my story, My Criminal Career, for your consideration. This is a completed manuscript of 65,000 words of the crime/thriller genre.

Unemployed Dean ends up selling drugs. He is involved in homicide then double-crossed by his cocaine supplier. The police start following him after a 'friend' is murdered in Sydney airport. He meets a new cocaine supplier on a dating site. Dean eventually learns that crime does not pay.

I am new to writing and this is my first book to be published.

Thanking you for your consideration,

Lance Schukies

 

Hi -- 

 

This isn't a query. There are stickied threads, a bunch of queries in progress and the archives at queryshark to help you research what goes into a query.

[cmmg]

To elaborate, you really need to expand what you have here and make it cohesive. Yes you have a man character etc. But this isnt a summary, you have to sell this. The first line isn't catchy and its not good. The second line doesn't rrally build off the first. Its basic writing skills to make a paragraph flow, to have it linked and elaborated on and i dont see that here. I really think you need to read more queries before you even consider revising this.

Just some basic stuff like having your title in all caps are things you need to learn.