Latest revision is on post #13
I think I have a dozen different versions of this query letter, but this is the one I think is the best. Right, I'm just going to put it out there without explaining anything. Hope to get some honest feedback on my query and I will try to pay it forward to the best of my ability :-)
Dear [Agent's Name],
Ivan Styles, second son of the mighty Lord Edric Styles of Northumbria, is defeated.
He yearns for the headsman’s axe to deliver him from the daily torture of his gaolors and the nightly misery inflicted by his own guilt-sodden thoughts. Kinslayer. The word was first uttered by his father and then echoed by every person Ivan has met since. And, as his own memories of the event are chaotic and clouded, Ivan can’t contradict them.
Confused and vulnerable as he was when they found him, it was his father’s poorly veiled threat against Ivan’s wife and child that made him admit to the crime. In exchange, his father promised to keep them safe. However, when Ivan receives a cryptic message from outside that suggests his wife and child are already dead, along with a key to his cell, he begins to question the truths his father told and the gaolors has ingrained in him.
Was it truly his sword that took the life of his lovely sister? Or was it just a way for Lord Edric to get rid of the unruly son and his lowborn disgrace of a wife?
The key to his cell has given Ivan a second chance, if only he has the courage to seize it. He must decide whether he will trust his father’s story and let the headsman end his misery or attempt a breakout and step back into the world. If he returns home to seek the truth, it will be to a city where everyone, both noble and commoner, thinks he murdered his own sister.
FIRE WITHIN is a 132,000-word epic fantasy for adults set in a world full of history and intrigue. It is the first novel in a series of four. It is written from multiple points of view and will appeal to readers of XXXX (Haven’t found any comps yet).
Thank you for your time and consideration.