ere's a revised version! SEE POST #16 for LATEST REVISION
One of my main concern is that in regards to Kira being in high school, there is no reason she's ever given that makes sense until the very end and it's a huge spoiler. The reasons she's given before are illogical and she knows that and I don't want to put them and confuse the agent into thinking I think them make sense. But I feel like the inclusion of "she doesn't know this, or this, or this" gets kind of clunky. If not knowing why she's in high school is really NECESSARY or if it's not something you'd want to know, but not something you'd put a book down over, I'd like to know.
1) So, is adding more information just MORE confusing?
The other issue is with the concept of Lauren's powers. It's not meta fictional in that my name isn't Lauren. There are a lot of books that explore the concept of traveling into books, recently, like The Hazel Wood, Inkheart, (even Dorothy Must Die etc) and that's addition to like Thrusday Next, and that one Stephen King novel so I don't think that'll be a hard sell, but most of those books are usually written from the person who can travel into them. Not from the POV of a character. So what's happening is more like "stories come to life" and not "character interacts with author."
2) SO I want to make sure my wording is clear with Lauren. If someone who has never read fantasy is confused by "how can a person enter a fictional world" that's not my issue, if someone isn't sure what I mean when I say "Lauren can travel into books" then I want to make it clear what I do mean. So I tried to make that more explicit in this revision (even though is added words)
I have to include Lauren and her thing (9/10 beta readers who didn't know this before hand were VERY thrown, and several told me (At first before they grew acclimatized to the idea) that I didn't even need to have this section in the book, even though it's integral to the whole rest of the plot (it'd be like saying "you don't need robots in this"), but afterward, people were much less confused). And Kira herself is blind sighted by this information (she originally something different is happening, but I don't think there's space to get into that). I wanted to make it clear this was a shock to her.
SO! With that in mind, any feedback would be helpful? Is it clearer what's going on? What questions do you think it's okay to have.
Being the only android in existence sucks. At least for Kira Garcia. Movie androids get cool laser eyes and X-ray vision. All Kira gets is overheating, a human family that forgets she’s a robot but still insists she can’t feel, and oh yeah, a sadistic creator who'll kill her at the tiniest sign of sentience.
All Kira wants is freedom—and to figure out why she was made, forced to masquerade as a human and sent to school of all things. But it’s her final year of high school, and Kira is now too old to be kept under constant watch. It’s time for her to be decommissioned. Her only hope is to convince her family to help her escape before her creators make their move. But when an attack meant for Kira leaves her brother in the hospital, all hope for escape is dashed.
Instead, Kira has a new goal: find the man who gave the order to kill her brother and slit his throat.
Enter Lauren, a girl with a shocking secret: in Lauren’s world, Kira is a character in a book. And not a book that ends well. Turns out, Kira's creators are more complex than she thought—and more insidious. What’s more, there are other androids; androids in just as much trouble as Kira. Only, they don’t have a book-travelling irritant determined to save their lives. Saving them might mean giving up Kira’s one chance at revenge—and, according to Lauren, her one chance at life—but who is she if she lets them die?
DEATH AND ROBOT GIRL is a 90,000-word YA speculative novel. ETC. ETC.
Thank you for your time and consideration.