This is my query for a chapter book I wrote: A chapter book? Not sure what you mean by that.
[Start your query with a snappy, 1-2-sentence hook.]
Ten year-old Nate Cameron’s life has completely changed. Avoid vague statements like this. After his parents’ divorce he must leave his
hometown in America hometown and move with his mom to England comma to live with Great-uncle Fred and his cousin Bertram at the historic Cratchit Manor. But London life is more interesting than he expected. He expected it to be dull? Nate discovers he is a direct descendant of Ebenezer Scrooge. When an old gypsy woman gives Nate and Bertram a gift that allows them to travel back in time, the boys become embroiled in a mystery with five children from the past I'm confused. So these children are actually contemporary to the past the Nate and Betram visit? Or from some other past? Also, what time do they go back to? Scrooge's time? If so, how can the other boys be descendants? who are also connected to the Scrooge tale.
A treasure map prompts the group to go on an adventure What kind of adventure? through Victorian London as they try to solve the mystery of Cratchit Castle. Is the Cratchit Castle mystery related to the Scrooge thing? With the help of an eccentric psychic
named Mrs. Chattoway and an orphaned chimney sweep, they conjure ghosts, finds pirates’ gold, execute a daring rescue and foil the plot of a wicked miser who plans to seize the manor. Your query should end with a cliffhanger -- the stakes. Also avoid lists like this. Tell us only the most important elements of the plot and the most important characters. Then tell us exactly what happens.
THE GHOSTS OF CRATCHIT CASTLE (25k/MG) will appeal to readers of Laura Amy Schlitz’s SPLENDORS AND GLOOMS and Gordon McAlpine's THE MISADVENTURES OF EDGAR AND ALLAN POE. This book could be a standalone project or the start of a series.
I am journalist for the Lehigh Valley Press in Pennsylvania. I've written for Pocono Parent magazine, Pocono Living and The Valley Beat. Per your submission guidelines -----
Thank you for taking the time to consider this project.
Your book sounds fun; the Ebenezer Scrooge thing is unique and interesting. Unfortunately, right now the overall query is too vague. It's vital to make your query specific, so we can see exactly what happens. Avoid statements like they go on an adventure, become embroiled in a mystery, his life changed. You need to show the adventure, the mystery, how his life changed. Also be sure you don't have too many characters. Your query should include a maximum of three named characters.
Go back and make your query very specific, only mention the most essential elements of the story but then be very specific. It's essential that your story does not sound like something generic, like any other adventure story.
But this is a great start, so good job there! Good luck! Can you please look at my query when you have a chance? Thanks! http://agentquerycon...ery-in-post-26/