Newest versions are always here.
VERSION #10-- Only small changes in this version. I think I'm half way there!
Dear Ms. [Agent],
Most would say that falling in love is a blessing
. But,- but not Alice Bakers. Her violent ex, Seth, labels her as dull and predictable. To defy the respected police officer, she commits a crime. (I think you should mention early on that Seth's a police officer - that threw me in for a loop when I saw it in this sentence all of a sudden)
A small crime for starters.(I don't think this line is necessary) She trespasses on a hotel property (What kind of hotel is it? A luxury, five-star hotel? Or just something along the lines of a Motel 6?) for a quiet getaway to mull things over and harden her defenses. In her illicit attempt to change, she meets charming hotel manager Jake, and the two establish a playful, romantic connection. However, their relationship enrages Seth. His pleas to win her back quickly deteriorate into a beating. Alice’s resilience motivates her to fight back, and ,this time ,she is not alone. Jake is by her side.
To separate the couple, Seth abducts Alice.
Chained up and starved like a neglected pet for years, Seth gets his Alice fix whenever he desires. (Fix this sentence to make it sound like Alice is being chained, and not Seth) The thought of whether Jake is married or searching for her distracts Alice as she tries to execute a flawed escape plan. What are the stakes?
PIECES OF ALICE is an adult romance completed at 98,000 words.
I'm seeing goals and obstacles (mostly involving Seth), but what are the stakes? What happens if she doesn't execute her plan or come up with another means of escape and defeat Seth for good?
If you'd like to return the favor, here's a link to my query. See Post 10 for the latest revision: http://agentquerycon...ion-in-post-10/