Dear Ms. Agent,
Twenty-two-year-old Alice’s reward for breaking free of Seth’s manipulation is a beating. ((Much better! Loving the change. It's a better hook and starts with the main conflict of the story. :) But I think that you could drop her age, maybe add it somewhere else as a detail. I think here it kinda ruins the flow.))After six months of no communication, Alice still feels his influence swimming ((not sure "swimming" is working here. I think the sentence would flow a lot better without it)) in her veins. That is until she meets her teenage crush, Jake, for the first time ((sounds odd. I think I know what you mean, but it's a bit confusing in the beginning. And it's implied by the last part of the sentence. So I think it could be removed.)) —the hooded guitar player at the beach who never noticed her. Quickly, Jake’s charm and sapphire eyes begin to ward off the toxic thoughts of Seth.
Just as the couple’s playful and tender connection deepens, Seth reappears. His jealous aggression escalates each time Alice rejects him.
Despite her best efforts, ((This sounds odd. Sounds like she could have avoided being kidnapped. I suggest removing it. If you were looking for a transition between this paragraph and the previous one, the sentence could simply be rearranged to "To forcefully rekindle their relationship, Seth abducts Alice, and, being a crafty police office, leaves no clues for Jake to find." Not the best example, sorry. but I hope it shows what I mean)) Seth abducts Alice to forcefully rekindle their relationship. She fears there are no clues for Jake to follow since Seth is a crafty police officer. Desperate, she seizes the only opportunity to escape. She hopes to find Jake before Seth finds her. The hunt for Alice begins. ((Ooooh! Much better. I think you are actually much much closer. I think the last sentence would have even more impact if you changed "She hopes to find Jake" to "She hopes Jake finds her." Because that way you are reenforcing the idea of her being "hunted," since both are after her (romantically as well). But that is just my opinion.))
THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN HURT ME is a (women’s fiction) completed at 98,000 words.
What an improvement! The query is looking much much better. :) Good stuff.
I have updated my query as well, if you could take a look at it, it'd be great.