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It's Pitmad time again!!


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#1 SnowFox23

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Posted 05 June 2018 - 12:06 AM

Hey lovlies,

 

I will be doing Pitmad again on June 7. If anyone wants to connect on the day, feel free to DM me and we can boost each others tweets :)

 

So far, these are the tweets I'm debating between. Can you let me know which you like the most, and which sucks. Cheers.

 

1: A cursed kingdom of eternal night is empty of all people but one: Its mute & emotionally broken queen. When the crow who speaks for her is stolen, as well as her beloved wolf, she must venture out of the darkness to find them. #YA #F #pitdark SCISSORHANDS+FROZEN

 

2: The Kingdom of Nightling is cursed with eternal winter and if the cold doesn’t kill you, the mute queen gladly will. Lux hates all humans, but loves her crow, Avalon, who speaks for her. When he is stolen, she must trust the boy who betrayed her to find him #YA #F #Pitmad

 

 

3: The Kingdom of Nightling is cursed with eternal winter and if the cold doesn’t kill you, the mute queen gladly will. When the crow who speaks for her is stolen, Queen Lux must venture out of the darkness to find him, and a way to break the curse of Nightling. #YA #F #Pitmad

 



#2 cmmg

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Posted 06 June 2018 - 12:28 PM

Hey lovlies,

 

I will be doing Pitmad again on June 7. If anyone wants to connect on the day, feel free to DM me and we can boost each others tweets :)

 

So far, these are the tweets I'm debating between. Can you let me know which you like the most, and which sucks. Cheers.

 

1: A cursed kingdom of eternal night is empty of all people but one: Its mute & emotionally broken queen. When the crow who speaks for her is stolen, as well as her beloved wolf, she must venture out of the darkness to find them. #YA #F #pitdark SCISSORHANDS+FROZEN (I don't know why I should care about the crow, or it being stolen or the wolf. I'm kind of more interested into where everyone went in the kingdom and those other details feel like working on the wrong thing.)

 

2: The Kingdom of Nightling is cursed with eternal winter and if the cold doesn’t kill you, the mute queen gladly will. Lux hates all humans, but loves her crow, Avalon, who speaks for her (Still don't care about a corw, it's essentially just a pet. Also there are a lot of characters here. The queen, Lux (who is maybe the queen? but that's not apparent), the crow, and a random boy for something so short and I don't think it's working). When he is stolen, she must trust the boy who betrayed her to find him #YA #F #Pitmad (You start off with murder, but then the stakes are just "trusting a boy to save a crow" which doesn't feel dramatic)

 

 

3: The Kingdom of Nightling is cursed with eternal winter and if the cold doesn’t kill you, the mute queen gladly will. When the crow who speaks for her is stolen, Queen Lux must venture out of the darkness to find him, and a way to break the curse of Nightling. #YA #F #Pitmad (the better of the three, but the stakes fall flat. It's one crow. How does its loss really effect her. I think this crow is supposed to be like a "Service crow" type thing, in which case the emphasis should be placed on how her life is negatively effected without it. LIke "without the crow, the Queen cannot conduct her kingdom" or "without the crow, there is no one to strike fear into her populace" or something more concrete.)


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#3 AshemDragon

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Posted 07 June 2018 - 01:31 PM

Hey lovlies,

 

I will be doing Pitmad again on June 7. If anyone wants to connect on the day, feel free to DM me and we can boost each others tweets :)

 

So far, these are the tweets I'm debating between. Can you let me know which you like the most, and which sucks. Cheers.

 

1: A cursed kingdom of eternal night is empty of all people but one: Its mute & emotionally broken queen. When the crow who speaks for her is stolen, as well as her beloved wolf, she must venture out of the darkness to find them. #YA #F #pitdark SCISSORHANDS+FROZEN I think this one's mostly fine except for the wolf. The crow, okay, I care because the crow is her method of communication. I don't care about the wolf.

 

2: The Kingdom of Nightling is cursed with eternal winter and if the cold doesn’t kill you, the mute queen gladly will. I like this first sentence. Lux woah, who's Lux? I'm only able to figure out Lux is the queen because I read all three tweets here. hates all humans, but loves her crow, Avalon, who speaks for her. Also the whole "hates people, only loves animals" thing is kinda cliche. When he is stolen, she must trust the boy who betrayed her Who? How? Why? to find him #YA #F #Pitmad This pitch is kinda... too much info without enough context, I think.

 

 

3: The Kingdom of Nightling is cursed with eternal winter and if the cold doesn’t kill you, the mute queen gladly will. When the crow who speaks for her is stolen, Queen Lux must venture out of the darkness to find him, and a way to break the curse of Nightling. Why's she wanna break it? #YA #F #Pitmad I like this pitch the best outta the three of them, but the stakes are kinda low. I can see that it's high stakes for the MC herself, but agents supposedly like higher stakes that finding a crow, I guess.



#4 bookgirl_kt

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Posted 18 July 2018 - 11:57 AM

I liked them in the order of 1, 3, and 2. #2 was a bit confusing because without having read the previous one, I wouldn't have understood that Lux was the queen. Also, the opening line is great but makes your main character sound evil, so it's a bit jarring to realize she is in face the heroine.

 

Hope I've helped! A link to my hook is below.






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