Well, this isn't the thread I was hoping to post. Yesterday, after seven months of hoping... seven months of fingers crossed, of getting excited every time I got a new email even when I knew it wouldn't be it, of dreaming and fantasizing and still doing everything I could to remind myself not to get my hopes up... I heard back from an agent on a full request. And it was a no.
Apparently it was close enough that she had to think about it a couple weeks before making a decision, and she would take a look with extensive revisions, and she welcomes me to try her again with something else I write, but it was still a no. And that's the main thing. That's all I can take from it right now. I held it together at work long enough to get home before I cried, and I'm doing better today but definitely still grieving. At some point I'll be able to look at what she said and consider if the revisions are what I want, but I'm not there right now. Right now I'm in the phase of illogical thinking, where even though she definitely had some positives I'm thinking my story sucks (I know it doesn't) and that the rest of my writing sucks (I know it doesn't, either) and that maybe I'm not a good enough writer to get published (I know I'm not giving up). Right now I just needed to tell my disappointment to the people I know would really get it. My mom said she gets it, but I don't think she does quite as well as she thinks. I don't think she understands just how much this truly means to me, the literal physicality of the wanting I get in my gut when I think about getting published. But I know there's people here who get it, who have stood in the exact same place as me, who have felt this horrible pain of rejection, some of whom have gone on to have success, some who have had more disappointments.
So I'm starting this commiseration thread. No matter where you are in your writing career, whether you're struggling to finish the first draft of your novel, whether the query writing is causing you to pull out hair, whether you've had 100 rejected queries or whether you've had 100 rejected fulls, if you just need to share, then share it in this thread. This is a no-judgment thread. It's also not a thread for unsolicited advice, because sometimes you just need to share the frustration, not look for a solution for it. It's a thread for sharing and doling out digital hugs and commiserating about this crazy boat we all hoped on together. This is my grieving right now, writing this out to you. If you have something to say, say it, and if not, thanks at least for letting me spew out a few feelings.