As always, I really appreciate all the help and I'm happy to return the favor!
I definitely think the query is improving! The only part I'm still really struggling with is the stakes. I'm not sure if they are specific enough to add a lot of tension, but there isn't a single problem or moment Tyler is reacting to; it's a whole life of shyness, sensitivity, and anxiety that he's reacting to now. I think that's why I'm having a really hard time finding the right words.
Also, I think it is clear in this draft, but I just want to make sure that it's very clear that the story alternates between the past and the present. The form plays a big role in the story, and I'm not sure whether I need to state it outright. I tried to fit that in, but it felt really clunky wherever I tried.
THE NEWEST, #3
Twenty-seven-year-old Tyler Grayson is beginning to realize that not even a reads better if it's "the" instead of "a" spotlight can protect him anymore. Not even Consider finding alternative words for "Not even" his guitar is enough to block out the echoes of his parents’ screams, distract him from the absence of the mother he hasn’t seen in nine years, or drown out the suffocating silence of his enormous, empty hotel rooms. Though Tyler is starting his third world tour as the world-famous rock star he has always dreamed of becoming, he finds that the only thing he looks forward to now is the drink waiting for him at the end of each show.
Nine-year-old Tyler Grayson is beginning to realize that his hands only stop shaking when they are wrapped around the neck of Grandpa Phil’s too-big guitar. His parents’ fights terrify him, school frustrates him, and the ability to make friends eludes him. But when Tyler is sitting across from Grandpa Phil with a guitar in his lap, lost in chords and harmonies, he can finally forget to be scared of the world outside.
As the story of Tyler’s childhood and adolescence unfolds This sounds a bit vague, the reality of his current addiction becomes clear. If Tyler can’t finally admit to himself that music alone is not enough to save him from the fear and the loneliness he’s spent his whole life running from, his growing dependence on alcohol will mean the end to much more than just his career. Your character's choice and the stakes are clearer in this draft.
27 CLUB is a work of contemporary fiction, complete at 99,100 words. (personalization)
I have included XX below as per submission guidelines. I would be happy to send the finished manuscript upon request.
Seems like a good story, but it seems like it's lacking in plot, like I don't see how it the progression of events moves from A to B. And I get that the story is told from two POV's , but you might want to consider writing from one POV and then mentioning in a sentence or two about the other POV.
Hope this helps. Please take a look at my query here (post #95):