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Age of Exploration

Historical Fiction

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#1 AndrewF

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Posted 05 July 2018 - 09:22 AM

I have posted this here once before and have received great feedback, thank you for your help. My novel is now complete and I am looking for advice on my query letter, I have sent this out to some agents but received no word back. I look forward for your feedback and ways to improve, if anyone is interested in reading a few chapters I am looking for some beta readers. 

 

Dear Agent   

  

Young Will Raynor joins the Navy to escape an ever-industrializing Britannica and its polluted skies. He hopes for a peaceful time sailing the high seas, but his ship embarks under orders to the island of Arcadia to patrol its vast and perilous river system. Beyond Arcadia’s pristine shore is a town on the verge of revolution. Will learns the rumors back home are true: the island is plagued with savage Orcs.       

 

While sailing downriver, Will and his crew are ambushed by a cunning Orc warlord. Battle for control of the island begins, and Will slips away through the gun smoke and chaos as the opening shots are fired. To survive, Will must outwit bloodthirsty Orcs, persevere through thick jungle, and find his way home. With the help of a local girl, he might have a chance. Meanwhile, Britannica’s iron-fisted control over the island crumbles to the warlord hellbent on liberating his Orcs. 

 

 

When given the opportunity to escape the carnage that surrounds him, Will recalls the slaughter of his shipmates and clenches his fists. The Orcs are pillaging what they can, destroying what they can’t, and killing all who stands in their way. Forsaking survival, Will chooses to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with Britannica’s finest to prevent another slaughter. No war hero, Will is nonetheless determined to save the helpless from the warlord’s fury. This book follows Will from his arrival on a beautiful island colony to the carnage of war - an epic tale of empire versus rebellion and a young man thrust into battle.     

 

AGE OF EXPLORATION is a 95,000-word Historical Fantasy novel and will appeal to fans of The Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones. I graduated from the University of Waterloo with a major in both Business and Military History.  This story is a standalone novel with series potential, it is under multiple submission.  



#2 Nessa

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Posted 10 July 2018 - 11:49 AM

 

I have posted this here once before and have received great feedback, thank you for your help. My novel is now complete and I am looking for advice on my query letter, I have sent this out to some agents but received no word back. I look forward for your feedback and ways to improve, if anyone is interested in reading a few chapters I am looking for some beta readers. [If you're still looking for beta readers, you might want to postpone working on the query. Agents might not be requesting because of your query, pages, or both.]

 

Dear Agent   

  

Young Will Raynor joins the Navy to escape an ever-industrializing Britannica and its polluted skies. He hopes for a peaceful time sailing the high seas, but his ship embarks under orders to the island of Arcadia to patrol its vast and perilous river system. Beyond Arcadia’s pristine shore is a town on the verge of revolution. Will learns the rumors back home are true: the island is plagued with savage Orcs.       

 

While sailing downriver, Will and his crew are ambushed by a cunning Orc warlord. Battle for control of the island begins, and Will slips away through the gun smoke and chaos as the opening shots are fired. To survive, Will must outwit bloodthirsty Orcs, persevere through thick jungle, and find his way home.[Per what I've read from other query critiques, listing what the protagonist has to do is somewhat of a cliche.] With the help of a local girl, he might have a chance.[If a character is only mentioned once, you can cut them out of the query.] Meanwhile, Britannica’s iron-fisted control over the island crumbles to the warlord hellbent on liberating his Orcs. 

 

 

When given the opportunity to escape the carnage that surrounds him, Will recalls the slaughter of his shipmates and clenches his fists. The Orcs are pillaging what they can, destroying what they can’t, and killing all who stands in their way. Forsaking survival, Will chooses to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with Britannica’s finest to prevent another slaughter. No war hero, Will is nonetheless determined to save the helpless from the warlord’s fury. This book follows Will from his arrival on a beautiful island colony to the carnage of war - an epic tale of empire versus rebellion and a young man thrust into battle.[Remove last sentence. Show this through your query.]     

 

AGE OF EXPLORATION is a 95,000-word Historical Fantasy novel and will appeal to fans of The Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones[These comps are out of the querying league. Use recent comps that don't have TV/film adaptations or huge fandoms. Otherwise, it sounds like you're not up-to-date with the current market.]. I graduated from the University of Waterloo with a major in both Business and Military History.  This story is a standalone novel with series potential, it is under multiple submission.  

 


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#3 Joysworld

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Posted 10 July 2018 - 07:02 PM

 

I have posted this here once before and have received great feedback, thank you for your help. My novel is now complete and I am looking for advice on my query letter, I have sent this out to some agents but received no word back. I look forward for your feedback and ways to improve, if anyone is interested in reading a few chapters I am looking for some beta readers. 

 

Dear Agent   

  

Young Will Raynor joins the Navy to escape an ever-industrializing Britannica and its polluted skies. He hopes for a peaceful time sailing the high seas, (This is confusing for me. The Navy is milatry and yet he joined hoping for a peaceful time? but his ship embarks under orders to the island of Arcadia to patrol its vast and perilous river system. Beyond Arcadia’s pristine shore is a town on the verge of revolution. Will learns the rumors back home are true: the island is plagued with savage Orcs.     

 

While sailing downriver, Will and his crew are ambushed by a cunning Orc warlord. Battle for control of the island begins, and Will slips away through the gun smoke and chaos as the opening shots are fired. To survive, Will must outwit bloodthirsty Orcs, persevere through thick jungle, and find his way home. With the help of a local girl, he might have a chance. Meanwhile, Britannica’s iron-fisted control over the island crumbles to the warlord hellbent on liberating his Orcs. 

 

 

When given the opportunity to escape the carnage that surrounds him, Will recalls the slaughter of his shipmates and clenches his fists. The Orcs are pillaging what they can, destroying what they can’t, and killing all who stands in their way. Forsaking survival, Will chooses to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with Britannica’s finest to prevent another slaughter. No war hero, Will is nonetheless determined to save the helpless from the warlord’s fury. This book follows Will from his arrival on a beautiful island colony to the carnage of war - an epic tale of empire versus rebellion and a young man thrust into battle.     

 

AGE OF EXPLORATION is a 95,000-word Historical Fantasy novel and will appeal to fans of The Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones. My understanding is you don't want to use comps that are older nor popular. I graduated from the University of Waterloo with a major in both Business and Military History.  This story is a standalone novel with series potential, it is under multiple submission.  

 



#4 AndrewF

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Posted 12 July 2018 - 08:30 AM

Thank you.

 

To Nessa, i'm looking for beta readers, not sure how to find any!

 

I only mention the girl because although she is important, and even gets a chapter from her POV I didn't want to fill the query with too much info on her and focus solely on Will. I also mention her to up the stakes, as she influences Will's decisions. I should update my query letter somehow. 

 

I only have that last sentence in there because I like the way it reads, maybe I could move it somewhere else in the query rather than delete? 

 

To Joysworld, Britannica is not at war right now so Will joined the navy looking for adventure learning to sail and seeing the world. It's also the only way he can afford to sail to the new world. 

 

To both of you, I need to use better comps, I've been told this before and have to improve there



#5 Nessa

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Posted 12 July 2018 - 03:15 PM



Thank you.

 

To Nessa, i'm looking for beta readers, not sure how to find any![There's a Wanted Ads section under "Writing and General Mayhem." You could also look on Twitter--there are CP match accounts. I think you're expected to return the favor for your partner, though. I found my CPs through fandoms and Query Tracker.]

 

I only mention the girl because although she is important, and even gets a chapter from her POV I didn't want to fill the query with too much info on her and focus solely on Will[For the query, it's okay to leave her out. Only include her if she is tied with the plot you're pitching. Otherwise, she's taking up space. The agent will assume there are other important characters. If she's tied to the stakes, you should show in the query how, because all I know is that she's a local girl who might be able to help. It's too vague.]. I also mention her to up the stakes, as she influences Will's decisions. [I can't assume that from what you've provided.]I should update my query letter somehow. 

 

I only have that last sentence in there because I like the way it reads, maybe I could move it somewhere else in the query rather than delete? [You can use it as a logline, but the majority of the query critiques I've seen here don't like filler sentences that could be conveyed in the pitch.

 

To Joysworld, Britannica is not at war right now so Will joined the navy looking for adventure learning to sail and seeing the world. It's also the only way he can afford to sail to the new world. 

 

To both of you, I need to use better comps, I've been told this before and have to improve there[My mentor advised me to step back from my manuscript and spend time reading. I read two books in my genre and age category and ended up with two excellent comps. I suggest going to a library or bookstore and grabbing the latest historical fantasy novels. Good comps will come.]


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