You need to start your query with a short, catchy hook right here.
Holy Maiden Ysabel has only four months left to live. Determined to live that time
life to the fullest, she conceals from the Sun God’s priesthood her secret nightlife as a chain-smoking, alcohol-loving dominatrix. This sounds like she just became a chain-smoking, alcohol-loving dominatrix. Is that true? Because otherwise, she would have been concealing for a long time already, right? No recent decision required. Acting the part of the innocent, virginal healer allows her to advance her political agenda of improving women’s rights and helping the refugees who fled into her country from the Blight.
So this first part doesn't feel very catchy to me. You have the big bang that Ysabel is going to die and that she's secretly a chain-smoking, alcohol-loving dominatrix, but somehow it comes across as bland. Also, I thought the rest of the query would relate to Ysabel living it up, but that doesn't seem to happen.
Her aim is a ticket to compete in the World Games, wizarding death matches Is she a wizard? which serve as a proxy for war among the civilized nations. In order to win the refugees' land, Ysabel has agreed to be sacrificed in a magical ritual. Why does Ysable care about these refugees so much that she will die for them? How is that connected to her secret life as a boozing dominatrix?
Then she prevents the assassination of trans man Dark Lord Kaine and he takes it on himself to rescue her from her grisly fate—by threatening to invade her country. What? This is out of nowhere. Also, it seems irrelevant that Kaine is a trans man. I'm sure it's important for your book, but here it seems weird and superfluous. Fortunately he likes her enough to back off when she shoos his prohibited army off her doorstep. Unfortunately, she likes him too, and the nagging survival instinct she thought she killed with booze and recreational drugs is coming back with a vengeance. This makes it sound again like she began boozing suddenly, but that seems strange. I also don't see how her double life is important to the story. But to fail to die as a proper Holy Maiden would be to betray the people she wants to save. Who are these important refugees? We don't know anything about them.
PERSEPHONE’S WALTZ is a 130,000-word fantasy novel. FYI, you've probably heard this, but 130K is going to cause you some resistance from agents.
Right now your story isn't making much sense to me. I think it's because you just have too much information, and the actual story is buried. You have some bit ticket items: Ysabel is a holy maiden who likes sex and alcohol, she will sacrifice herself, but those facts feel extraneous and don't seem to fit into the bigger picture.
I agree with the other reviewers that your query has a very "modern" feel about it, rather than a fantasy feel. Especially the chain-smoking, alcohol-loving description, and then the reference to a trans man, which make it feel contemporary.
I would try to simplify your query, get it down to the very bare bones, decide what is the most essential information to convey. I get hints from your query that sex and sexual orientation are important (she is fighting for women's rights, she is a dominatrix, Kaine is a trans man). I think these must be important themes in your book, but in your query the information seems tossed in. My overall vibe is something like Harry Potter meets Hunger Games meets erotica. Be sure your query conveys the vibe of your book, that it conveys the essential story.
I know this is easy for me to say and so hard to do. I hope my feedback helps. When you can, please review my own long-suffering query attempts: http://agentquerycon...-post-59/page-3