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Tomb of Moments (Adult Fantasy)


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#1 hermitage

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Posted 24 July 2018 - 04:35 PM

Short Synopsis for TOMB OF MOMENTS

 

Note: The story is told partly out of chronological order as it weaves together the lives of its three main characters: Noa, Adrian, and Efis Kadha.  

When EFIS KADHA is only two years old, his father is senselessly butchered by a drunken thug, and he’s thrown out onto the streets of a bitter island slum. He survives a childhood of starvation and grows into a feared gangster, wiping out his rivals before being recruited by Vessa: an army of sorcerers who absorb nations and collect beautiful pleasure slaves. He rises to command and launches a devastating war that rages across the planet, until ADRIAN’s parents sacrifice themselves to take his life on the battlefield.

Five-year-old Adrian is sent to live with five-year-old NOA and her absent father. The two children form a deep telepathic bond, and for the next three years they’re inseparable. At age eight they’re sent to an elite military academy, where they train in telekinetic combat. As they grow up they fall in love, but they’re both too afraid to say how they feel. When they’re fifteen, Noa starts a relationship with another boy and Adrian sets off on long travels, unsure if he’ll ever come back.

Fourteen years later, Noa is the chief executive of Aeternos: the futuristic capital of the free world. She runs her city with political savvy and a deep commitment to protecting her citizens, including the handsome winged warrior who’s devoted to her every whim. Kept awake by dreams of a terrible war, she hunts killers in the night.

Meanwhile Adrian wanders deep in the Vessan Empire, sheltered and isolated by a spell that erases him from memory. He’s near the end of his rope when the war from Noa’s nightmares comes to life
with a reanimated Efis Kadha leading the enemy charge and he’s called home to help defend his people.

Fighting side by side in the Ossan Army — which has stood against slavery and resisted Vessan rule for centuries — Noa and Adrian begin to grow close again. Together they lead a battalion that corners Efis Kadha in a deep cavern. But when Adrian cuts Kadha’s heart open, hidden machinery throws him ninety years into the future — a trap set by EVE and AUGEN, the true rulers of Vessa.

Eve and Augen conquer the world together, breaking one Ossan stronghold after another. Eve kills Noa in the bloody Battle of Aeternos, where the Ossan Army makes its last stand and the great city falls.

A lone sorceress named CHARLOTTE seals herself in Mount Ossa, and waits. When Adrian finally returns, she tells him that their only hope is to resurrect Noa using the Tomb of Moments: an infinite archive of the past. Only Noa might be able to cast the incredibly violent and difficult spell that’s needed to tear the last ninety years from the fabric of history.

Adrian descends into the Tomb, and Charlotte gives her life so that Noa can return. Augen feels Charlotte’s death, leads an overwhelming host into the mountain, and burns Charlotte’s body.

The story will continue in Book 2.



#2 eric balson

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Posted 27 July 2018 - 04:45 AM

 

Short Synopsis for TOMB OF MOMENTS

 

Note: The story is told partly out of chronological order as it weaves together the lives of its three main characters: Noa, Adrian, and Efis Kadha.  

 

When EFIS KADHA is only two years old, his father is senselessly butchered by a drunken thug, and he’s thrown out onto the streets of a bitter island slum. He survives a childhood of starvation and grows into a feared gangster, wiping out his rivals before being recruited by Vessa: an army of sorcerers who absorb nations and collect beautiful slaves. He rises to command and launches a devastating war that rages across the planet, until ADRIAN’s parents sacrifice themselves to take his life on the battlefield.

 

Five-year-old Adrian is sent to live with five-year-old NOA, and her absent father. The two children form a deep telepathic bond, and they’re inseparable for the next three years. At age eight they’re sent to an elite military academy, where they train in telekinetic combat. As they grow up they fall in love, but they’re both too afraid to say how they feel. When they’re fifteen Noa starts a relationship with another boy and Adrian sets off on long travels, unsure if he’ll ever come back.

 

Fourteen years later, Noa is the chief executive of Aeternos: the futuristic capital of the democratic Ossan Protectorates Some clarification on this might be needed. She runs her city with political savvy and a deep commitment to protecting her citizens, including the handsome winged warrior who’s devoted to her every whim. Kept awake by dreams of a terrible war, she hunts killers By killers, do you mean murderers. How are they involved in the potential war?in the night.

 

Meanwhile Adrian wanders deep in the Vessan Empire, protected and isolated by a spell that erases him from memory. He’s near the end of his rope when the war from Noa’s nightmares comes to life with a reanimated Efis Kadha leading the enemy charge and he’s called home to help defend his people.

 

Fighting side by side, Adrian and Noa begin to grow close again. Together they lead a battalion that corners Efis Kadha in a deep cavern. But when Adrian cuts Kadha’s heart open, hidden machinery throws him ninety years into the future — a trap set by EVE and AUGEN, the true rulers of Vessa.

 

Eve and Augen conquer the world together, breaking one Ossan stronghold after another. Eve kills Noa in the bloody Battle of Aeternos, where the Ossan Army makes its last stand and the great city falls.

 

A lone sorceress named CHARLOTTE seals herself in Mount Ossa, and waits. When Adrian finally returns, she tells him that their only hope is to resurrect Noa using the Tomb of Moments: an infinite archive of the past. Only he and Noa together might be able to cast the incredibly violent and difficult spell that’s needed to tear the last ninety years from the fabric of history.

 

Adrian descends into the Tomb, and Charlotte gives her life so that Noa can return. Augen feels Charlotte’s death, leads an overwhelming host into the mountain, and burns Charlotte’s body.

 

This story sounds awesome! However, I felt like you left the ending just hanging. (Perhaps you're writing a series, and the story will be revolved in the sequels, maybe that would explain why)

Hope this helps. Take a look at my synopsis here (it's post #3):

http://agentquerycon...is/#entry358264



#3 bookgirl_kt

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Posted 31 July 2018 - 03:33 PM

Thank for taking a look at mine! I hope you find my comments helpful.

Note: The story is told partly out of chronological order as it weaves together the lives of its three main characters: Noa, Adrian, and Efis Kadha.  I suspect it would make more sense to integrate this into the synopsis--"jumping X years into the past"--rather than as a note, which isn't the traditional format.

 

When EFIS KADHA is only two years old, his father is senselessly butchered by a drunken thug, and he’s thrown out onto the streets of a bitter bitter? island slum. Nice opening. He survives a childhood of starvation and grows into a feared gangster, This line confuses me a little because I'm not sure if the story itself covers his childhood. I assume not because you wouldn't jump that far ahead in the synopsis without any description, but now I'm not sure if his father's death is the actual beginning of the book. I think the standard is to order it based on when things happen in the story, not chronologically. The note at the beginning only confuses things more because I'm not sure if the synopsis is in a different order than the story, since the synopsis seems chronological. wiping out his rivals before being recruited by Vessa: an army of sorcerers who absorb nations and collect beautiful What kind of incompetent slavers only collect beautiful people? It's a business. slaves. He rises to command and launches a devastating war that rages across the planet, until ADRIAN’s parents sacrifice themselves to take his life on the battlefield.

 

Five-year-old Adrian is sent to live with five-year-old NOA, and her absent father. The two children form a deep telepathic bond, and they’re inseparable for the next three years. At age eight they’re sent to an elite military academy, where they train in telekinetic combat. As they grow up they fall in love, but they’re both too afraid to say how they feel. When they’re fifteen Noa starts a relationship with another boy and Adrian sets off on long travels, unsure if he’ll ever come back.

 

Fourteen years later, Noa is the chief executive of Aeternos: the futuristic capital of the democratic Ossan Protectorates. There's a lot of world-building and unfamiliar words in this sentence. Is there a way to trim it down to only the bare minimum the reader needs to know? She runs her city with political savvy and a deep commitment to protecting her citizens, including the handsome winged warrior who’s devoted to her every whim. Kept awake by dreams of a terrible war, she hunts killers in the night.

 

Meanwhile Adrian wanders deep in the Vessan Empire, protected and isolated by a spell that erases him from memory. He’s near the end of his rope when the war from Noa’s nightmares comes to life  with a reanimated Efis Kadha leading the enemy charge  and he’s called home to help defend his people.

 

Fighting side by side, Adrian and Noa begin to grow close again. Together they lead a battalion that corners Efis Kadha in a deep cavern. But when Adrian cuts Kadha’s heart open, hidden machinery throws him ninety years into the future — a trap set by EVE and AUGEN, the true rulers of Vessa. By this paragraph, the synopsis is starting to get character-heavy.

 

Eve and Augen conquer the world together, breaking one Ossan stronghold after another. Eve kills Noa in the bloody Battle of Aeternos, where the Ossan Army makes its last stand and the great city falls. Surprising twist.

 

A lone sorceress named CHARLOTTE seals herself in Mount Ossa, and waits. When Adrian finally returns, she tells him that their only hope is to resurrect Noa using the Tomb of Moments: an infinite archive of the past. Only he and Noa together might be able to cast the incredibly violent and difficult spell that’s needed to tear the last ninety years from the fabric of history. This all sounds very interesting.

 

Adrian descends into the Tomb, and Charlotte gives her life so that Noa can return. Augen feels Charlotte’s death, leads an overwhelming host into the mountain, and burns Charlotte’s body. This paragraph didn't feel like an ending. I suspect it leads to the next book. One way you could make it clear this is the ending is to say so: "Then in the sequel Noa and Augun must defeat Vessa" or something like that.

 

After reading this whole thing, I can understand why you may the synopsis a different order than the book. This is clearly a really complicated, Game of Thrones style story. Hard to write a synopsis for. However, you might be able to make it less complicated by brutally killing off the subplots and focusing on only one thread. For example, do we need to know Efis past? He probably has a big role in the book but he was minor in this synopsis. It might be useful to know a little more about Vessa and the source of the conflict, which you could probably do without ever even needing to name the villains. These are just suggestions I'm tossing out to hopefully clarify or condense the synopsis. It seems like a very interesting story and I'm impressed you've already cut down a complicated plot this much.

 


#4 hermitage

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Posted 23 August 2018 - 01:17 AM

Hi bookgirl_kt and eric balson. Thank you for the feedback! I've incorporated a few of your ideas in an updated version of Post #1 above. 






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