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WRITTEN IN THE STARS - YA Sci-fi, will return crit


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#1 Milady

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Posted 05 August 2018 - 07:49 AM

Hi everyone! Thanks in advance for your help with my synopsis, and I'll take a look at yours as soon as possible. :)

 

 

Before KALIZAH XIN was even born, the solar system’s largest quantum computer, MINERVA, predicted that she would bring on civilization’s collapse. Now seventeen, Kalizah hides her identity as the pirate captain of the starship Starchaser, stealing the valuable energy source starcore to power her mechanical heart.

 

In the middle of a routine heist, a terrorist group called Element 129 destroys the solar system’s largest starcore mine and research facility. The mine and research facility belong to the Interplanetary Union, a power-hungry alliance of celestial bodies. Caught in the middle of the IU’s sweep for the terrorists, Kalizah and her crew narrowly escape, crashing on the nearby asteroid Ceres.

 

Needing two months to repair the ship, Kalizah manipulates a Cersan settlement into sheltering her and her crew. She is guided around by SKETCH, who grows more suspicious of her by the day.

 

In the meantime, to keep her heart running, she plans a heist targeting Ceres’ starcore vault. Sketch foils her plan, and Kalizah is forced to leave Ceres prematurely, only for him to catch up with the Starchaser the next day. Sketch is a member of Element 129 that was hiding on Ceres, and only lets her crew live in exchange for Kalizah’s help extracting information from the research facility’s destroyed quantum computer.

 

It turns out the researchers had uncovered a new energy source far more plentiful than starcore, threatening the IU’s monopoly on energy. The researchers been helping Element 129 destroy starcore reserves so the IU would be forced to acknowledge the new energy source, and were killed by the IU for it. Kalizah extracts the formula for the starcore-destroying catalyst Element 129 needs—and toggles a security measure that has the IU bearing down on them.

 

After a narrow escape, Kalizah lies about getting the catalyst formula. She instead manipulates Element 129 into a deal where her crew helps them obtain more starcore for research in exchange for a cut.

 

After a few months working together, they come across a pirate ship carrying Enceladian slaves. Enceladus, a moon with the power to rival the IU, has been forced into paying for increasingly expensive starcore with slaves. Sketch believes he can talk the Enceladian president into developing the new energy source. Though the president refuses, Enceladus has some of the starcore-destroying catalyst and gives it to Element 129.

 

Kalizah plans to sabotage Element 129’s plans to destroy the last mine, but a member of her crew betrays her and helps Element 129 succeed. Aware she doesn’t have long left to live, she takes a young slave girl back to her family on Earth, simultaneously wanting to see her former home for the last time.

 

Then the IU reveals they have a way to create starcore from aged starcore they have stored in their most impenetrable lab. Sketch seeks Kalizah’s help breaking into the lab to destroy the aged starcore, as she can hack into Minerva, which is stored in the lab as well and runs its security. Seeing an opportunity to steal the means of making more starcore—as well as exposing the falsehood of the prediction that’s haunted her all her life—Kalizah agrees.

 

However, once Kalizah hacks into Minvera, she discovers the prediction is true. Minerva is sentient and shows her visions of different paths of the future, in all of which Kalizah stealing the aged starcore incites a violent war that plunges the solar system into chaos.

 

Thinking of her crew, of the slave girl she helped, and her growing feelings for Sketch, Kalizah helps destroy the aged starcore. Without more starcore to power her heart, Kalizah doesn’t have long to live, but she will stand alongside her friends and see as much as she can of the better future they want to bring.

 


If you have time, any feedback would be much appreciated!  :wink: 

 

WRITTEN IN THE STARS(YA sci-fi) 

 

Query


#2 eric balson

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Posted 09 August 2018 - 05:10 AM

Hi everyone! Thanks in advance for your help with my synopsis, and I'll take a look at yours as soon as possible. :)

 

 

Before KALIZAH XIN was even born, the solar system’s largest quantum computer, MINERVA, predicted that she would bring on civilization’s collapse. Now seventeen, Kalizah hides her identity as the pirate captain of the starship Starchaser, this is a little nitpicky: but "starship Starchaser" doesn' t read right. Maybe say spaceship Starchaserstealing the valuable energy source starcore to power her mechanical heart.

 

In the middle of a routine heist, a terrorist group called Element 129 destroys the solar system’s largest starcore mine and research facility. The mine and research facility belong to the Interplanetary Union, a power-hungry alliance of celestial bodies.This is confusing. By celestial bodies, do you mean actual stuff like the sun, the moon etc.? Cause that would be weird. if you mean actual people, considering rephrasing it. Caught in the middle of the IU’s sweep for the terrorists, Kalizah and her crew narrowly escape, crashing on the nearby asteroid Ceres.

 

Needing two months to repair the ship, Kalizah manipulates a Cersan settlement into sheltering her and her crew. She is guided around by SKETCH, who grows more suspicious of her by the day.

 

In the meantime, to keep her heart running, she plans a heist targeting Ceres’ starcore vault. Sketch foils her plan, and Kalizah is forced to leave Ceres prematurely, only for him to catch up with the Starchaser the next day. Sketch is a member of Element 129 that was hiding on Ceres, and only lets her crew live in exchange for Kalizah’s help extracting information from the research facility’s destroyed quantum computer.

 

It turns out the researchers had uncovered a new energy source far more plentiful than starcore, threatening the IU’s monopoly on energy. The researchers had been helping Element 129 destroy starcore reserves so the IU would be forced to acknowledge the new energy source, and were killed by the IU for it. Wait, I thought Element 129 destroyed the facility thus killing the researchers, and yet here you mention that they were actually collaborating with them. Kalizah extracts the formula for the starcore-destroying catalyst Element 129 needs—and toggles a security measure that has the IU bearing down on them.

 

After a narrow escape, Kalizah lies about getting the catalyst formula. She instead manipulates Element 129 into a deal where her crew helps them obtain more starcore for research in exchange for a cut.

 

After a few months working together, they come across a pirate ship carrying Enceladian slaves. Enceladus, a moon with the power to rival the IU, has been forced into paying for increasingly expensive starcore with slaves. Sketch believes he can talk the Enceladian president into developing the new energy source. Though the president refuses, Enceladus has some of the starcore-destroying catalyst and gives it to Element 129.

 

Kalizah plans to sabotage Element 129’s plans to destroy the last mine, but a member of her crew betrays her and helps Element 129 succeed. Aware she doesn’t have long left to live,  she takes a young slave girl back to her family on Earth, simultaneously wanting to see her former home for the last time.

 

Then the IU reveals they have a way to create starcore from aged starcore they have stored in their most impenetrable lab. Sketch seeks Kalizah’s help breaking into the lab to destroy the aged starcore, as she can hack into Minerva, which is stored in the lab as well and runs its security. Seeing an opportunity to steal the means of making more starcore—as well as exposing the falsehood of the prediction that’s haunted her all her life—Kalizah agrees.

 

However, once Kalizah hacks into Minvera, she discovers the prediction is true. Minerva is sentient and shows her visions of different paths of the future, in all of which Kalizah stealing the aged starcore incites a violent war that plunges the solar system into chaos.

 

Thinking of her crew, of the slave girl she helped, and her growing feelings for Sketch, Kalizah helps destroy the aged starcore. Without more starcore to power her heart, Kalizah doesn’t have long to live, but she will stand alongside her friends and see as much as she can of the better future they want to bring.

Your story sounds interesting, and I think the title is appropriate given your MC is trying to avoid fulfilling prophecy. Hope I've been of some helpful. Kindly review mine here:

http://agentquerycon...e-are-synopsis/

 

 

 

 

Hi everyone! Thanks in advance for your help with my synopsis, and I'll take a look at yours as soon as possible. :)

 

 

Before KALIZAH XIN was even born, the solar system’s largest quantum computer, MINERVA, predicted that she would bring on civilization’s collapse. Now seventeen, Kalizah hides her identity as the pirate captain of the starship Starchaser, stealing the valuable energy source starcore to power her mechanical heart.

 

In the middle of a routine heist, a terrorist group called Element 129 destroys the solar system’s largest starcore mine and research facility. The mine and research facility belong to the Interplanetary Union, a power-hungry alliance of celestial bodies. Caught in the middle of the IU’s sweep for the terrorists, Kalizah and her crew narrowly escape, crashing on the nearby asteroid Ceres.

 

Needing two months to repair the ship, Kalizah manipulates a Cersan settlement into sheltering her and her crew. She is guided around by SKETCH, who grows more suspicious of her by the day.

 

In the meantime, to keep her heart running, she plans a heist targeting Ceres’ starcore vault. Sketch foils her plan, and Kalizah is forced to leave Ceres prematurely, only for him to catch up with the Starchaser the next day. Sketch is a member of Element 129 that was hiding on Ceres, and only lets her crew live in exchange for Kalizah’s help extracting information from the research facility’s destroyed quantum computer.

 

It turns out the researchers had uncovered a new energy source far more plentiful than starcore, threatening the IU’s monopoly on energy. The researchers been helping Element 129 destroy starcore reserves so the IU would be forced to acknowledge the new energy source, and were killed by the IU for it. Kalizah extracts the formula for the starcore-destroying catalyst Element 129 needs—and toggles a security measure that has the IU bearing down on them.

 

After a narrow escape, Kalizah lies about getting the catalyst formula. She instead manipulates Element 129 into a deal where her crew helps them obtain more starcore for research in exchange for a cut.

 

After a few months working together, they come across a pirate ship carrying Enceladian slaves. Enceladus, a moon with the power to rival the IU, has been forced into paying for increasingly expensive starcore with slaves. Sketch believes he can talk the Enceladian president into developing the new energy source. Though the president refuses, Enceladus has some of the starcore-destroying catalyst and gives it to Element 129.

 

Kalizah plans to sabotage Element 129’s plans to destroy the last mine, but a member of her crew betrays her and helps Element 129 succeed. Aware she doesn’t have long left to live, she takes a young slave girl back to her family on Earth, simultaneously wanting to see her former home for the last time.

 

Then the IU reveals they have a way to create starcore from aged starcore they have stored in their most impenetrable lab. Sketch seeks Kalizah’s help breaking into the lab to destroy the aged starcore, as she can hack into Minerva, which is stored in the lab as well and runs its security. Seeing an opportunity to steal the means of making more starcore—as well as exposing the falsehood of the prediction that’s haunted her all her life—Kalizah agrees.

 

However, once Kalizah hacks into Minvera, she discovers the prediction is true. Minerva is sentient and shows her visions of different paths of the future, in all of which Kalizah stealing the aged starcore incites a violent war that plunges the solar system into chaos.

 

Thinking of her crew, of the slave girl she helped, and her growing feelings for Sketch, Kalizah helps destroy the aged starcore. Without more starcore to power her heart, Kalizah doesn’t have long to live, but she will stand alongside her friends and see as much as she can of the better future they want to bring.






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