When perilously close to burnout Sister Nadia Maria, a nun and psychiatrist, questions what more if anything she has to offer her God and her clients. She is thwarted into turmoil when one of her sisters declares her love and makes sexual overtures towards her. This physical and emotional love is so new to Nadia she feels adolescent and losing control of her vocation as a nun.
I agree with the others that thwarted into turmoil doesn't make sense. Maybe thrown into turmoil. Nun and psychiatrist are not capitalized. Also, this first sentence is not a hook. You need too start your query with a short hook that draws the reader in.
At the same time, working with her client’s traumas trigger her to her own abusive past and back into her own therapy, where she must delve into her own darkness as the only way to find her place in the world and help her clients to do the same.
Her clients, reflective of the #METOOMOVEMENT, include victims of unspeakable abuses creating multiple personalities in one client and challenging another client to expose a “posse” of pedophiles run by her uncle. This sentence made me think it's the end of query, but it's not. Information like this would go at the very end. Also, details of clients' issues are immaterial to the query. The query is about Nadia.
Long kept family secrets jolt Nadia into a reality that cannot be ignored but must be lived out. This does't count as the stakes.
THE CONFESSIONAL is a 75,000-word Women’s Fiction novel, informed by own experience of being a former nun and a practicing therapist for over 25 years. It is written in the vein of
my favorite author, Kristen Hannah , THE CONFESSIONAL, speaks of women who are fierce yet fragile and deserve justice and healing. Must show this in the query.
Your query has a lot of conflict (really it's dripping with conflict), but the direction of the story is unclear. If she's been a therapist for a long time, why is she suddenly triggered (now) and must return to therapy, herself? Is it because of the relationship with the nun?
Since she is a nun, does that mean Nadia never had a sexual relationship before meeting the other nun? Some people lead "standard" lives before becoming nuns, so they were not always celibate. Other people join early and have been celibate forever. What's the situation here?
There are multiple interwoven factors in your query, and I'm unsure which is the driving factor: what is the source of momentum. You've lost Nadia's motivation in the crowd. In an earlier version of the query, you wrote that Nadia wants to be the best at being a nun and a therapist. You should put that back, so we can know Nadia's goal. The other factors in the query then become the obstacles to her goal. The stakes, at the end, clarify what happens if Nadia fails to overcome the obstacles.
1. What does Nadia want? To be a good nun and psychiatrist.
2. What obstacles are in her way? Her own trauma and forbidden love with another nun.
3. What will happen is she fails? I don't know -- she will be ejected from the church? She will kill herself? A client will kill him/herself?
Good luck! Be sure you return-critique people's queries after they critique yours.