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BEHIND THE GHOST METROPOLIS - YA CONTEMPORARY (will critique back)

Fiction Young Adult Offbeat/Quirky

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#1 AsperBlurry

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Posted 30 August 2018 - 09:28 AM

Hi, guys, 

 

I've recently posted my query on this forum and you helped me a lot! Now, it's time for the synopsis. Link me yours if you want me to return the favor :) 

 

SYNOPSIS "BEHIND THE GHOST METROPOLIS":

 

 

PUNK, a fifteen-year-old rebellious girl from Warsaw, is raped at a party by STEVE – a rich and popular boy who she thought was her friend.

 

After coming back home, her father, who's been bullying her since she was a child, hits her calling her a "whore". Punk feels dirty and starts blaming herself for leading Steve on.

 

The next day at school she learns from her best friend, EM, that Steve told everyone they had sex. It's when Punk realizes she can't tell anyone about the rape at this point. No one would ever believe her. She faces Steve who denies hurting her. He claims she’s confused and simply regrets last night.

 

When a girl from that party calls her a slut, Punk starts beating her until she’s being dragged away. Her teacher, MRS. BEE, tries to talk to her but Punk pretends everything is fine. As a result, she gets suspended and sent to the school counselor. To deal with pain and suicidal thoughts, she tries tranquilizers for the first time at the Crash Pad - a place where troubled teens get high and drunk.

 

As Punk meets an 18-year-old NIHIL and they do cocaine, she tries to seduce him thinking it’s the only way to be in control over her body. But he stops her, claiming he wants a real date. Although scared of intimacy, Punk starts dating Nihil. He’s smart, caring and treats her with respect. But when they’re about to have sex, Punk freaks out remembering the rape as if it was just yesterday. Convinced that Nihil’s going to leave her, she ignores his texts, but he’s persistent and wants them to be together despite her dark side. And Punk tries to let him in.

 

While Punk’s mother goes on a business trip for Christmas, her father comes home. Filled with rage after hearing rumors about his daughter sleeping around, he punches her. This time Punk fights back, cutting him with a razor blade and calling the police. Punk asks Nihil to come to the precinct but refuses to talk about her childhood. Nihil has bigger problems right now - his mother has cancer. The next morning they head to the hospital, where Nihil says the last farewell to his mum before she passes away.

 

With Nihil buried in grief and shutting her down, Punk spends the Christmas alone and wakes up in a pool of her own vomit after another bender. Mrs. Bee and Em show up at her house worried she hasn’t answered her phone. Punk realizes she needs help but feels like she doesn’t deserve to be saved. Not ready to admit it, she pushes them away crawling back to depression. 

 

Punk gets justice when her father is sentenced to two years in prison. But Steve keeps harassing her so she asks Em to hide with a camera while she confronts him. Afterward, Punk opens up to her friend about her childhood and rape and decides to ask for help. She goes to an AA meeting, improves her grades and for a while she is doing better. Until the urge to punish herself and go back to her self-destructive road pushes her to cheat on Nihil. Guilty and ashamed, Punk turns to her stimulants.

 

Nihil tries to forgive her but he ends up cheating on her as well. After catching him with another girl, Punk goes to school drunk. Mrs. Bee takes Punk to her apartment, but at night she sneaks out and runs to the Crash Pad where she attempts suicide.

 

Waking up in the hospital, broken and tired, Punk slowly realizes she wants to live. She gets on antidepressants and attends sessions with a shrink and AA meetings. Although she broke up with Nihil, learning that he moved on sets her off. Punk breaks sobriety by going to a bar and ending up in some orgy. And yet, she comes back home and starts working the program again. One step at a time.

 

Thanks to the meds and therapy, her suicidal and self-harm thoughts are almost gone. Punk and her mother try to fix their relationship and they go on a trip to Rome.

 

Punk is aware of the long and painful road ahead of her. But now she feels like she’s strong enough. To survive and face the world again. 

 

 



#2 Dollophead

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Posted 05 September 2018 - 11:34 PM

PUNK, a fifteen-year-old rebellious girl from Warsaw, is raped at a party by STEVE – a rich and popular boy who she thought was her friend. Good intro

 

After coming back home, her father, who's been bullying abusing her since she was a child childhood, hits her for being calling her a "whore". Punk feels dirty and starts blaming herself for leading Steve on.

 

The next day at school she learns from her best friend, EM, that Steve told everyone they had sex. [It's when Punk realizes she can't tell anyone about the rape at this point. No one would ever believe her.] Combine these two bracketed sentences. She faces confronts Steve(why?), who denies hurting her. He claims she’s confused and simply regrets last night.

 

When a girl from that party calls her a slut, Punk starts beather until she’s being dragged away. Her teacher, MRS. BEE, tries to talk to her but Punk pretends everything is fine. As a result, she gets suspended and sent to the school counselor. To deal with pain and suicidal thoughts, she tries tranquilizers for the first time at the Crash Pad - a place where troubled teens get high and drunk.

 

As Punk meets an 18-year-old NIHIL and they do cocaine. She tries to seduce him, thinking it’s the only way to be in control over her body. But he Nihil stops her, claiming he wants a real date. Although scared of intimacy, Punk starts dating Nihil. He’s smart, caring and treats her with respect. But when they’re about to have sex, Punk [freaks out] "freaks out" is so informal for a synopsis, be more specific like "has a breakdown" or a "panic attack", remembering the rape as if it was just yesterday. Convinced that Nihil’s going to leave her, she ignores his texts, but he’s persistent and wants them to be together despite her dark side. And Punk tries to let him in.

 

While Punk’s mother goes on a business trip for Christmas, her father comes home. Filled with rage after hearing rumors about his daughter sleeping around, he punches her. This time Punk fights back, cutting him with a razor blade, then and calling the police. Punk asks Nihil to come to the precinct but refuses to talk about her childhood. Nihil has bigger problems right now - his mother has cancer. The next morning they head to the hospital, where Nihil says the last farewell to his mum before she passes away.

 

With Nihil buried in grief and shutting her down out, Punk spends the Christmas alone and wakes up in a pool of her own vomit after another bender. Mrs. Bee and Em show up at visit her house, worried because she hasn’t answered her phone. Punk realizes she needs help but feels like she doesn’t deserve to be saved. Not ready to admit it, she pushes them away crawling back to depression

 

Punk gets justice when her father is sentenced to two years in prison. But when Steve keeps harassing her, so she asks Em to hide with a camera while she Punk confronts him. Afterward, Punk opens up to her friend about her childhood and rape and decides to ask for help. She goes to an AA meeting, improves her grades, and for a while she is doing better. Until Then, the urge to punish herself and go back return to her self-destructiveness road pushes her to cheat on Nihil. Guilty and ashamed, Punk turns to her stimulants.

 

Nihil tries to forgive her but he ends up cheating on her as well. After catching him with another girl, Punk goes to school drunk. Mrs. Bee takes Punk to her apartment, but at night she sneaks out and runs to the Crash Pad where she attempts suicide.

 

Waking up in the hospital, broken and tired, Punk slowly realizes she wants to live. She gets on takes antidepressants and attends sessions with a [shrink] this is very informal, can we say "psychiatrist"? and AA meetings. Although she brokeen up with Nihil, learning that he moved on sets her off. Punk breaks sobriety by going to a bar and ends up participating? in some an orgy (ew). And yet, she comes back home and starts working attempts the program again. One step at a time.

 

Thanks to the meds medicine and therapy, her suicidal and self-harm thoughts are almost gone. Punk and her mother try to fix their relationship and they go by going on a trip to Rome.

 

Punk is aware of the long and painful road ahead of her. But now she feels like she’s strong enough to survive and face the world again.

 

Nice story! Compelling protagonist makes for a strong character-driven book. Also, Pam is very sympathetic. 

 

I just fixed some grammar mistakes and trimmed your wording. Otherwise this is a very solid, well-organized synopsis. Congrats!



#3 AsperBlurry

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Posted 10 September 2018 - 08:10 AM

Thank you very much, Dollophead, your feedback is great! I'll get to your query ASAP :) 

 

 

PUNK, a fifteen-year-old rebellious girl from Warsaw, is raped at a party by STEVE – a rich and popular boy who she thought was her friend. Good intro

 

After coming back home, her father, who's been bullying abusing her since she was a child childhood, hits her for being calling her a "whore". Punk feels dirty and starts blaming herself for leading Steve on.

 

The next day at school she learns from her best friend, EM, that Steve told everyone they had sex. [It's when Punk realizes she can't tell anyone about the rape at this point. No one would ever believe her.] Combine these two bracketed sentences. She faces confronts Steve(why?), who denies hurting her. He claims she’s confused and simply regrets last night.

 

When a girl from that party calls her a slut, Punk starts beather until she’s being dragged away. Her teacher, MRS. BEE, tries to talk to her but Punk pretends everything is fine. As a result, she gets suspended and sent to the school counselor. To deal with pain and suicidal thoughts, she tries tranquilizers for the first time at the Crash Pad - a place where troubled teens get high and drunk.

 

As Punk meets an 18-year-old NIHIL and they do cocaine. She tries to seduce him, thinking it’s the only way to be in control over her body. But he Nihil stops her, claiming he wants a real date. Although scared of intimacy, Punk starts dating Nihil. He’s smart, caring and treats her with respect. But when they’re about to have sex, Punk [freaks out] "freaks out" is so informal for a synopsis, be more specific like "has a breakdown" or a "panic attack", remembering the rape as if it was just yesterday. Convinced that Nihil’s going to leave her, she ignores his texts, but he’s persistent and wants them to be together despite her dark side. And Punk tries to let him in.

 

While Punk’s mother goes on a business trip for Christmas, her father comes home. Filled with rage after hearing rumors about his daughter sleeping around, he punches her. This time Punk fights back, cutting him with a razor blade, then and calling the police. Punk asks Nihil to come to the precinct but refuses to talk about her childhood. Nihil has bigger problems right now - his mother has cancer. The next morning they head to the hospital, where Nihil says the last farewell to his mum before she passes away.

 

With Nihil buried in grief and shutting her down out, Punk spends the Christmas alone and wakes up in a pool of her own vomit after another bender. Mrs. Bee and Em show up at visit her house, worried because she hasn’t answered her phone. Punk realizes she needs help but feels like she doesn’t deserve to be saved. Not ready to admit it, she pushes them away crawling back to depression

 

Punk gets justice when her father is sentenced to two years in prison. But when Steve keeps harassing her, so she asks Em to hide with a camera while she Punk confronts him. Afterward, Punk opens up to her friend about her childhood and rape and decides to ask for help. She goes to an AA meeting, improves her grades, and for a while she is doing better. Until Then, the urge to punish herself and go back return to her self-destructiveness road pushes her to cheat on Nihil. Guilty and ashamed, Punk turns to her stimulants.

 

Nihil tries to forgive her but he ends up cheating on her as well. After catching him with another girl, Punk goes to school drunk. Mrs. Bee takes Punk to her apartment, but at night she sneaks out and runs to the Crash Pad where she attempts suicide.

 

Waking up in the hospital, broken and tired, Punk slowly realizes she wants to live. She gets on takes antidepressants and attends sessions with a [shrink] this is very informal, can we say "psychiatrist"? and AA meetings. Although she brokeen up with Nihil, learning that he moved on sets her off. Punk breaks sobriety by going to a bar and ends up participating? in some an orgy (ew). And yet, she comes back home and starts working attempts the program again. One step at a time.

 

Thanks to the meds medicine and therapy, her suicidal and self-harm thoughts are almost gone. Punk and her mother try to fix their relationship and they go by going on a trip to Rome.

 

Punk is aware of the long and painful road ahead of her. But now she feels like she’s strong enough to survive and face the world again.

 

Nice story! Compelling protagonist makes for a strong character-driven book. Also, Pam is very sympathetic. 

 

I just fixed some grammar mistakes and trimmed your wording. Otherwise this is a very solid, well-organized synopsis. Congrats!

 







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