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The Sleeping and the Dead


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#1 BCVail

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Posted 13 September 2018 - 09:22 AM

Hello AQC people,

 

I've put this one away for quite a while and I'm ready to jump back in and have another look.

 

Any critiques and I will return the favor. Thanks.

 

 

 

 

Dear Mr./Ms. (Agent),

 

I am seeking representation for THE SLEEPING AND THE DEAD, a 90,000-word young adult science fiction novel that features horror elements.

 

For sixteen-year-old Mira—Caspia’s most notorious thief—an impossible heist is a welcome challenge. But her latest run-in with the law has also made her the colony’s most wanted criminal. With her profile now streaming on every vid loop in the city, it’s time she ditches this trash heap of a planet. Besides, she’s always dreamed of a fresh start back on Earth.

 

To pay her way onto a smuggler’s transport, Mira accepts one last job. Her mark: encrypted files inside a cutting-edge R & D facility. But when she botches the job, she’s captured by Dr. Gall, chief science officer of the facility. He offers to use his prestigious company’s influence to clear her criminal records… if she participates in his highly experimental study in neural augmentation.

 

As a freshly inducted lab rat, Mira realizes she’s agreed to more than she could have imagined. Dr. Gall wastes no time forcibly injecting her with mystery drugs and subjecting her to tortuous experiments. Worse yet, Mira can’t help noticing the declining state of her fellow patients. One by one, they fall into sleepwalking comas and begin acting out their murderous nightmares. Afraid she may never see the clean slate she was promised, Mira puts her thieving talents to use and uncovers the truth behind the experiments… the effects of which will not stay contained in these cold laboratory walls. Mira must expose the secrets of the lab—risk revealing herself as a fugitive—and escape before she becomes one of the sleeping or the dead.



#2 HarlequinWriter

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Posted 14 September 2018 - 06:34 PM

Dear Mr./Ms. (Agent),

 

I am seeking representation Already implied for THE SLEEPING AND THE DEAD, a 90,000-word young adult science fiction novel that features horror elements.

 

For sixteen-year-old Mira—Caspia’s most notorious thief—an impossible heist is a welcome challenge. I know this is YA, but it seems a little too implausible for her to be so well-known at such a young age. If she had a team behind her or special abilities this be more believable But her latest run-in with the law has also made her the colony’s most wanted criminal. With her profile now streaming on every vid loop in the city, it’s time she ditches this trash heap of a planet. Besides, she’s always dreamed of a fresh start back on Earth. This feels too sudden. Maybe you should provide more world building before stating that she wants to go to Earth.

 

To pay her way onto a smuggler’s transport, Mira accepts one last job. I though her fresh start was to be a thief on Earth but now that she's giving it up, what made her change her mind? Her mark: encrypted files inside a cutting-edge R & D facility. But when she botches the job, she’s captured by Dr. Gall, chief science officer of the facility. He offers to use his prestigious company’s influence to clear her criminal records… if she participates in his highly experimental study in neural augmentation. Again, if she was so notorious, I find it unlikely that she would've been caught. 

 

As a freshly inducted lab rat, Mira realizes she’s agreed to more than she could have imagined. Dr. Gall wastes no time forcibly injecting her with mystery drugs and subjecting her to tortuous experiments. Worse yet, Mira can’t help noticing the declining state of her fellow patients. One by one, they fall into sleepwalking comas and begin acting out their murderous nightmares. Afraid she may never see the clean slate she was promised, Mira puts her thieving talents to use and uncovers the truth behind the experiments… the effects of which will not stay contained in these cold laboratory walls. Mira must expose the secrets of the lab—risk revealing herself as a fugitive—and escape before she becomes one of the sleeping or the dead. The first two paragraphs made me think this was going to be about Mira's experiences as a thief. This lat paragraph seems like it belongs to a different story. Seeing as how the first two paragraphs are mainly just background info, I think you can condense it easily and make the query more about her time in the facility. 






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