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Fuck'd (Introduction)

criticism help short story publishers

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#1 Les Rhynox

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Posted 23 September 2018 - 11:50 AM

FUCKED. Introduction

Well, well, look at you. I’m willing to bet half of you are hoping by the title, that this unknowingly yet promising novel will gave you a rock hard, passionate, hot and sweaty , release with a nice warm cuddle accompanied by soft Elton John playing in the background. While the other half of you are just looking for something to keep you interested enough to write a summary in order to pass that Creative Writing 101 course you took, after watching an ample amount of romantic comedy films based on the NY clique. Did I nail it or what? Yes, now hold that smile and remember the curves of this gracious act because all will be forgotten and all will be dark on the road we’re headed. “This isn’t another love story”, I’m sure you’ve heard that statement somewhere else, but the difference between that guy who said it and this guy you’re listening to now… THIS GUY DOESN’T FUCK AROUND WITH THAT SHIT. If you’re one of the few who came here looking for answers, 2 + 2 = fish, but a 69 is a great solution if you don’t have condoms. Now; pack those Marlboros, grab a bottle of whatever poison you indulge, and let’s get this party started. The gang of pain is all here.

 


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#2 Dollophead

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Posted 06 October 2018 - 09:25 PM

Well, well, look at you. I’m willing to bet half of you are hoping by the title, that this unknowingly yet promising novel will gave you a rock hard, passionate, hot and sweaty, release with a nice warm cuddle accompanied by soft Elton John playing in the background. Getting some major Deadpool vibes from this narrator. Also, I LOVE the opening. While the other half of you are just looking for something to keep you interested enough to write a summary in order to pass that Creative Writing 101 course you took, after watching an ample amount of romantic comedy films based on the NY clique. This is a sentence fragment. I know it is probably stylistic, I just wanted to point it out just in case. Did I nail it or what? Yes, now hold that smile and remember the curves of this gracious act because all will be forgotten and all will be dark on the road we’re headed. “This isn’t another love story”; I’m sure you’ve heard that statement somewhere else, but the difference between that guy who said it and this guy you’re listening to now… THIS GUY DOESN’T FUCK AROUND WITH THAT SHIT. I'm dying XD If you’re one of the few who came here looking for answers: 2 + 2 = fish, but a 69 is a great solution if you don’t have condoms. Now pack those Marlboros, grab a bottle of whatever poison you indulge, and let’s get this party started. The gang of pain is all here.

 

Fantastic. Omg. I love it so much I have no criticisms, other than I'm not quite sure what it's about. BUT I'm willing to keep reading and find out.



#3 Les Rhynox

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Posted 10 October 2018 - 09:28 AM

Well, well, look at you. I’m willing to bet half of you are hoping by the title, that this unknowingly yet promising novel will gave you a rock hard, passionate, hot and sweaty, release with a nice warm cuddle accompanied by soft Elton John playing in the background. Getting some major Deadpool vibes from this narrator. Also, I LOVE the opening. While the other half of you are just looking for something to keep you interested enough to write a summary in order to pass that Creative Writing 101 course you took, after watching an ample amount of romantic comedy films based on the NY clique. This is a sentence fragment. I know it is probably stylistic, I just wanted to point it out just in case. Did I nail it or what? Yes, now hold that smile and remember the curves of this gracious act because all will be forgotten and all will be dark on the road we’re headed. “This isn’t another love story”; I’m sure you’ve heard that statement somewhere else, but the difference between that guy who said it and this guy you’re listening to now… THIS GUY DOESN’T FUCK AROUND WITH THAT SHIT. I'm dying XD If you’re one of the few who came here looking for answers: 2 + 2 = fish, but a 69 is a great solution if you don’t have condoms. Now pack those Marlboros, grab a bottle of whatever poison you indulge, and let’s get this party started. The gang of pain is all here.

 

Fantastic. Omg. I love it so much I have no criticisms, other than I'm not quite sure what it's about. BUT I'm willing to keep reading and find out.

 

Thanks! The full short story is posted below! Give it a read and tell me what you think about it over all? 

 

http://agentquerycon...-intro-no-edit/

 


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#4 Dollophead

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Posted 10 October 2018 - 04:48 PM

There are a few spelling errors in your short story, but it seems otherwise clean. This reminds me of a cross between Deadpool and The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao! Very strong narrator's voice. And look, I'm no short story writer, nor do I have sufficient enough experience to be a valid critic for the short story, but it seems like you need an overarching storyline/theme/conflict that is resolved by the last vignette. I thought his relationship with Diamond was going to be the central focus, but then their tension was left unresolved and the last arc of him and Kim seemed tacked on with no plot purpose. Is it more like real life this way? Yup. But for a short story, I think you need to have one more scene of him and Diamond to bring a kind of cohesion to the narrative. 







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