Jump to content

Disclaimer



Photo

The Misfit

Literary Fiction

  • Please log in to reply
6 replies to this topic

#1 Authorwannabe

Authorwannabe

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 19 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationAsia

Posted 27 September 2018 - 11:46 PM

Nishant, a denizen of the Himalayan Kingdom, Nepal, is pursuing his undergraduate studies in the United States. During his summer job in Ocean City, he meets a girl named Olga. Olga and Nishant fall in love with each other and move in together. Shortly, the summer comes to an end; Olga goes back to Minsk and Nishant returns to Wichita, Kansas to resume his classes. 

 

In Kansas, Nishant gets busy with his routine: college and work. Immediately after, he starts having car troubles. He works long hours to overcome the financial strain, and when summer finally arrives, it brings with it a new excitement. Nishant and his roommates drive to Ocean City.

 

When Olga’s best friend, Anya, tells him that Olga did not get the American Visa, Nishant’s excitement turns to sadness. Later, he receives an email from Olga telling him that she had made a compromise with her life; she had married a U.K resident. This breaks him.

 

Nishant works longer hours and tries to forget Olga. One day, while taking a shower, Nishant discovers a rash in his groin. A few days later (while brushing his teeth) he spots a white lining inside his mouth. He uses the internet to get a better insight about his condition. The findings shock him. Nishant becomes aware that he and Olga had made love again and again without any precautions.

 

Nishant decides to return to his country for good. But will his relationship with his parents be the same? He tries to tell his Baba about his condition, but he cannot. Days pass, then months; Nishant hates himself for sleepwalking through life. Ultimately, he gathers the readiness to be baptized with truth once and for all. He does a blood test. The results would change him forever.

 

At 48,800 words, ‘The Misfit’ is an existentialist novel which portraits the reality of an International student’s life abroad.



#2 JoQwerty

JoQwerty

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 51 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationEurope

Posted 28 September 2018 - 03:39 AM

Nishant, a denizen of the Himalayan Kingdom,  (the word denizen has negative connotations in American English) a student from Nepal, is pursuing his undergraduate studies in the United States. During his summer job in Ocean City, he meets a girl named Olga. Olga and Nishant fall in love with each other and move in together. Shortly, the summer comes to an end; Olga goes back to Minsk and Nishant returns to Wichita, Kansas to resume his classes. (Check your facts. It is illegal for foreign students on an educational visa to work off campus in the US. On the other hand, if he is working illegally, this could add tension to the story and should be mentioned.)

 

In Kansas, Nishant gets busy with his routine: college and work. Immediately after, he starts having car troubles. He works longer hours to overcome the financial strain, and when summer finally arrives, it brings with it a new excitement. Nishant and his roommates drive to Ocean City. (This paragraph does not advance the plot and could be dropped.)

 

When Olga’s best friend, Anya, tells him that Olga did not get the American Visa, Nishant’s excitement turns to sadness. (Most people would assume that in today's world, Nishant and Olga would have stayed in email contact throughout the year, so why did she not tell him herself that she could not get a visa?) Later, he receives an email from Olga telling him that she had made a compromise with her life; she was married had married a U.K resident. This breaks him.

 

Nishant works longer hours and tries to forget Olga. One day, while taking a shower, Nishant discovers a rash in his groin. A few days later (while brushing his teeth) he spots a white lining inside his mouth. He uses the internet to get a better insight about his condition. The findings shock him. Nishant becomes aware that remembers he and Olga had made love again and again without any precautions condoms.

 

Nishant decides to return to his own country for good. But will his relationship with his parents be the same? He tries to tell his Baba (use the English word instead. I don't know if a Baba is a father, brother, or spiritual advisor.) about his condition, but he cannot. Days pass, then months; Nishant hates himself for sleepwalking through life. Ultimately, he gathers the readiness to be baptized with truth once and for all. He does a blood test. The results would change him forever. (You need to give us something more specific here. "Change him forever" is too general.)

 

At 48,800 words, ‘The Misfit’ is an existentialist novel which portraits the reality of an International student’s life abroad. (Anything under 50,000 words is a novella.)

 

An interesting premise, but you need to be more specific about Nishant's illness and the life changes he is facing.

 

Querying a novella in the US market is tough. The writing needs to be extraordinary. To get into the adult novel range, you need to add about 15,000 words. (The UK book market is more receptible to shorter works, so you might try there if you want to keep the work to novella size.)



#3 Dollophead

Dollophead

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 75 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting, unagented
  • LocationUS West Coast
  • Publishing Experience:Yet to be had.

Posted 28 September 2018 - 08:39 PM

Nishant, a denizen of the Himalayan Kingdom, Nepal, is pursuing his undergraduate studies in the United States. During his summer job in Ocean City, he meets a girl named Olga. Olga and Nishant fall in love with each other and move in together. Moving in together is a big deal in the US. We don't really do it as underclassmen, or for as short a period as the summer. It takes a lot of time, money, documentation, and commitment. Shortly, the summer comes to an end; Olga goes back to Minsk and Nishant returns to Wichita, Kansas to resume his classes. If you want to convey them having an intimate relationship over the summer, try re-wording the "moving in" part.

 

In Kansas, Nishant gets busy with his routine: college and work. Immediately after, he starts having car troubles. He works long hours to overcome the financial strain, and when summer finally arrives, it brings with it a new excitement. Nishant and his roommates drive to Ocean City. I think you can cut this paragraph. It doesn't move the plot forward. Try to connect the first part with the next; Nishant missing Olga and whether or not they stayed in touch. Then lead up to how he ends up talking to Anya. 

 

When Olga’s best friend, Anya, tells him that Olga did not get the American Visa, Nishant’s excitement turns to sadness. Was this something they had planned? Later, he receives an email from Olga telling him that she had made a compromise with her life; she had married a U.K resident. This breaks him. You don't have to tell us he's heartbroken, we understand.

 

I would like to know more about Olga and why she rebuffed Nishant. What was she doing in Ocean City in the first place? Was she trying to get a visa for work or school? How did Nishant and Olga part ways? Give us more detail!

 

Nishant works longer hours and tries to forget Olga. One day, while taking a shower, Nishant discovers a rash in his groin. A few days later (while brushing his teeth) he spots finds a white lining inside his mouth. He uses the internet to starts researching get a better insight about his condition. The findings shock him only to find shocking results Nishant becomes aware that he and Olga had made love again and again without any precautions. Try rewording this last sentence to convey Nishant's realization that he obtained a disease from unprotected intercourse with Olga. 

 

Was Olga married when she had her fling with Nishant? Did she know about her STD, and still choose to have unprotected intercourse with him? Because if the answer to either of those is yes, she is sounding a lot like the villain. 

 

Nishant decides to return to his country for good. But will his relationship with his parents be the same? He tries to tell his Baba about his condition, but he cannot. Why not? Tell us. Days pass, then months; Nishant hates himself for sleepwalking through life. Ultimately, he gathers the readiness to be baptized with truth once and for all. He does takes a blood test. The results would change him forever.

 

At 48,800 words, ‘The Misfit’ THE MISFIT is an existentialist novel which portraits the reality of an International student’s life abroad.

 

I agree with JoQwerty, you will need more words to build this into a novel (at least 50,000). Good luck! :)



#4 BrookeJS

BrookeJS

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 105 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting, emerging, unagented
  • LocationUS Midwest

Posted 28 September 2018 - 10:42 PM

Nishant, a denizen of the Himalayan Kingdom, Nepal, is pursuing his undergraduate studies in the United States. During his summer job in Ocean City, he meets a girl named Olga. Olga and Nishant fall in love with each other and move in together. Shortly, the summer comes to an end; Olga goes back to Minsk and Nishant returns to Wichita, Kansas to resume his classes. (Why is he working out of State from where he goes to school? That may be a violation of the student visa laws, I provided you a link below, feel free to check it out to do some more research on the matter.)

 

In Kansas, Nishant gets busy with his routine: college and work. Immediately after, he starts having car troubles. He works long hours to overcome the financial strain, and when summer finally arrives, it brings with it a new excitement. Nishant and his roommates drive to Ocean City (Why are they driving all the way to Maryland? If it's a road trip, then say its a road trip, but more importantly this is where you flesh out the importance of this trip in the grand scheme of the book and how it moves your plot forward, i.e. what is the importance and impact of this trip on Nishant?)

 

When Olga’s best friend, Anya, tells him that Nishant learns that Olga did not get the American Visa, Nishant’s excitement turns to sadness. Later, he receives an email from Olga telling him that she had made a compromise with her life; she had married a U.K resident (This reads as if English is not your first language. Which is fine, but make sure that you are 100% certain your grammar is on point "Olga, sends Nishant an email tell him she had to make a hard decision--she chose to marry a U.K. resident" what would be even better is that you explain why she made this choice, is it to move to the UK to study? Did she fall in love with this guy? This breaks him. <-- this is a weak sentence. Flesh this out. WHY does it break him? "Nishant, in the short time he spent with Olga, was in love and knew he wanted to be with her. Not being able to marry her throws his plans into disarray and he now questions his future." etc.

 

Nishant works longer hours and tries to forget Olga. One day, while taking a shower, Nishant discovers a rash in his groin. A few days later (while brushing his teeth) he spots a white lining inside his mouth. He uses the internet to get a better insight about his condition say what this condition is. The findings shock him. Nishant becomes aware that he and Olga had made love again and again without any precautions. He becomes aware? Was he unconscious during this act? Again, this is improper English and grammar. "Nishant remembers that during his last encounter with Olga, they didn't use protection." etc. 

 

Nishant decides to return to his country for good. But will his relationship with his parents be the same? He tries to tell his Baba about his condition, but he can't. Days pass, then months; Nishant hates himself for sleepwalking through life. Ultimately, he gathers the readiness to be baptized with truth once and for all. He does a blood test. The results would change him forever. This ending isn't doing anything for me. I thought he figured out what his results were based on an internet search, if he thought he had a serious STD why didn't he go to the doctors sooner? It is also leaving me with many questions: Why is he sleep walking through life? Is he that depressed over losing Olga? Is he not angry at Olga for not telling him about her std? Why is he giving up on school? 

 

If this is an existential novel then the plot is Nishant's internal journey and I'm not seeing that here. You need your inciting incident (which sounds like it's the std?) and how that moves or propels his emotional journey going forward, and the end is the resolution, what does he do with the information. How exactly does it change him forever? As I state below you have to actually be upfront and give away the ending of your book in a synopsis. 

 

At 48,800 words, ‘The Misfit’ is an existentialist novel which portrays the reality of an International student’s life abroad. 70k is the lowest end and target range for an adult novel. Depending on the genre you'll be at a higher word count around 100k. 

 

A synopsis should follow your most basic plot and avoid all subplots. You also want to give away the ending of your book. Having any sort of mystery at the end makes your synopsis closer to a query. The purpose of a synopsis is so that agents can figure out that you know how to construct a coherent plot. This is a little difficult for me to critique because existential isn't my genre, but it seems like the first half is pretty much all sub plot and then the ending, where your actual plot is, you leave it too vague. You want to spoil the ending for the agent you are querying.

 

Someone mentioned above that it's illegal to work off campus as a foreign student in the US, if you want to get technical it depends on what type of visa you have, and even then it's only for first year students. Here is a link with some information https://www.uscis.go...-and-employment Also, as a US citizen I have never heard of 'denizen' being used or having a negative connotation over here, not even in news or in differing political spheres. So, not sure where that's coming from, so I guess use your own judgement on that haha. One of the above people said to use American English phrasing such as grandmother (or mother) instead of Baba but I disagree. That's a fundamental aspect of your character is that he is foreign. So, instead, just make sure you explain what the term means.

 

Not going to lie it seems like you still have a lot of work to do. You need to flesh out and expand your plot because you need higher word count and you need to pay close attention to grammar sentence structure. But good luck! You wrote a book and that's awesome! Good job =) keep it up! Make sure to find yourself some critique partners and beta readers. If this is at all based off of real life events then this may be a memoir.


If you have time I would love feedback on my query: http://agentquerycon...-back/?p=356112

If you could spare a moment I would really appreciate critiques on my synopsis: http://agentquerycon...ntasy/?p=355669

 


#5 Authorwannabe

Authorwannabe

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 19 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationAsia

Posted 30 September 2018 - 01:05 AM

An interesting premise, but you need to be more specific about Nishant's illness and the life changes he is facing.

 

Querying a novella in the US market is tough. The writing needs to be extraordinary. To get into the adult novel range, you need to add about 15,000 words. (The UK book market is more receptible to shorter works, so you might try there if you want to keep the work to novella size.)

Thanks JoQwerty :) I appreciate it heartily. 

 

Made some changes:

 

Nishant, a student from Nepal, is pursuing his undergraduate studies in the United States. During summer, while he is illegally working in Ocean City, he meets a girl named Olga. Olga and Nishant fall in love with each other and move in together. Shortly, the summer comes to an end; Olga goes back to Minsk and Nishant returns to Wichita, Kansas to resume his classes.

 

Olga and Nishant keep in touch via emails and when his spring semester is finally over, Nishant is filled with a new excitement. However, when he reaches Ocean City, he figures that Olga isn’t there. He receives an email from her saying she had applied for the American Visa many times, but was rejected. The email further reads that Olga had made a compromise with her life and married a U.K resident. This breaks him.

 

He works long hours and tries to forget Olga. One day, while taking a shower, he discovers a rash in his groin. A few days later (while brushing his teeth) he spots a white lining inside his mouth. Nishant skims through a few articles on the internet to get a better understanding of his condition. The findings shock him. He recalls he and Olga had made love again and again without condoms. Yet, she was the only girl he has had sex with. Could it be possible? Could he have HIV?

 

Failing in his pursuit of the American Dream, Nishant returns a Misfit to his own country. Will his relationship with his family be the same?

 

Days pass, then months; his parents start pressing him to go back and finish his education. He tries to tell his father about his condition, but he cannot. Deep down inside, he hopelessly wishes he could start his life all over again, but the frustration of not being able to gets the best of him. He hates himself for sleepwalking through life.

 

Ultimately, he gathers the readiness to be baptized with truth once and for all. He does a blood test. The result is negative.

 

At 50,100 words, THE MISFIT is an existentialist novel which portraits the reality of an International student’s life abroad and the mental conflict of a young protagonist who feels he is dying.

 

 

Any feedback will be appreciated! Regards



#6 Authorwannabe

Authorwannabe

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 19 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationAsia

Posted 01 October 2018 - 09:43 AM

A synopsis should follow your most basic plot and avoid all subplots. You also want to give away the ending of your book. Having any sort of mystery at the end makes your synopsis closer to a query. The purpose of a synopsis is so that agents can figure out that you know how to construct a coherent plot. This is a little difficult for me to critique because existential isn't my genre, but it seems like the first half is pretty much all sub plot and then the ending, where your actual plot is, you leave it too vague. You want to spoil the ending for the agent you are querying.

 

Someone mentioned above that it's illegal to work off campus as a foreign student in the US, if you want to get technical it depends on what type of visa you have, and even then it's only for first year students. Here is a link with some information https://www.uscis.go...-and-employment Also, as a US citizen I have never heard of 'denizen' being used or having a negative connotation over here, not even in news or in differing political spheres. So, not sure where that's coming from, so I guess use your own judgement on that haha. One of the above people said to use American English phrasing such as grandmother (or mother) instead of Baba but I disagree. That's a fundamental aspect of your character is that he is foreign. So, instead, just make sure you explain what the term means.

 

Not going to lie it seems like you still have a lot of work to do. You need to flesh out and expand your plot because you need higher word count and you need to pay close attention to grammar sentence structure. But good luck! You wrote a book and that's awesome! Good job =) keep it up! Make sure to find yourself some critique partners and beta readers. If this is at all based off of real life events then this may be a memoir.

Thanks a lot BrookeJS :-) I appreciate the feedback and i will consider the things you've mentioned. Regards



#7 Authorwannabe

Authorwannabe

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 19 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationAsia

Posted 02 October 2018 - 01:10 AM

 

Nishant, a denizen of the Himalayan Kingdom, Nepal, is pursuing his undergraduate studies in the United States. During his summer job in Ocean City, he meets a girl named Olga. Olga and Nishant fall in love with each other and move in together. Moving in together is a big deal in the US. We don't really do it as underclassmen, or for as short a period as the summer. It takes a lot of time, money, documentation, and commitment. Shortly, the summer comes to an end; Olga goes back to Minsk and Nishant returns to Wichita, Kansas to resume his classes. If you want to convey them having an intimate relationship over the summer, try re-wording the "moving in" part.

 

In Kansas, Nishant gets busy with his routine: college and work. Immediately after, he starts having car troubles. He works long hours to overcome the financial strain, and when summer finally arrives, it brings with it a new excitement. Nishant and his roommates drive to Ocean City. I think you can cut this paragraph. It doesn't move the plot forward. Try to connect the first part with the next; Nishant missing Olga and whether or not they stayed in touch. Then lead up to how he ends up talking to Anya. 

 

When Olga’s best friend, Anya, tells him that Olga did not get the American Visa, Nishant’s excitement turns to sadness. Was this something they had planned? Later, he receives an email from Olga telling him that she had made a compromise with her life; she had married a U.K resident. This breaks him. You don't have to tell us he's heartbroken, we understand.

 

I would like to know more about Olga and why she rebuffed Nishant. What was she doing in Ocean City in the first place? Was she trying to get a visa for work or school? How did Nishant and Olga part ways? Give us more detail!

 

Nishant works longer hours and tries to forget Olga. One day, while taking a shower, Nishant discovers a rash in his groin. A few days later (while brushing his teeth) he spots finds a white lining inside his mouth. He uses the internet to starts researching get a better insight about his condition. The findings shock him only to find shocking results Nishant becomes aware that he and Olga had made love again and again without any precautions. Try rewording this last sentence to convey Nishant's realization that he obtained a disease from unprotected intercourse with Olga. 

 

Was Olga married when she had her fling with Nishant? Did she know about her STD, and still choose to have unprotected intercourse with him? Because if the answer to either of those is yes, she is sounding a lot like the villain. 

 

Nishant decides to return to his country for good. But will his relationship with his parents be the same? He tries to tell his Baba about his condition, but he cannot. Why not? Tell us. Days pass, then months; Nishant hates himself for sleepwalking through life. Ultimately, he gathers the readiness to be baptized with truth once and for all. He does takes a blood test. The results would change him forever.

 

At 48,800 words, ‘The Misfit’ THE MISFIT is an existentialist novel which portraits the reality of an International student’s life abroad.

 

I agree with JoQwerty, you will need more words to build this into a novel (at least 50,000). Good luck! :)

 

Thanks for the feedback Dollophead :-) I appreciate it heartily. Regards







Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: Literary Fiction

0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users