I have taken the first critique and made quite a few adjustments. Please see most relevant query for critique (3rd post).
With the stylistic flow of a Coen brothers’ film and all the dark satire of a Chuck Palahniuk novel, BOBBY JUNIOR is an adult fiction novel complete at 75,000 words.
Bob and Cheryl, while hailing from different sides of the country, were cut from the very same cloth. Two millionaires, one who spearheaded a profitable get rich quick scheme, the other a two-bit con man who struck gold in what was only supposed to be a fender bender. Cheryl knew a lucrative opportunity when she saw one, and Bob was an opportunity. With a look that said “I’ll follow you to the depths of the earth and back” and a bank account that said “honey you can have whatever you want”, she couldn’t pass him up.
After a whirlwind romance, Cheryl and Bob decided to kick it up a notch and make a baby. They were the perfect case study for why a comprehensive exam should be administered before parenthood. Bobby was born a beautiful healthy baby who nearly skirted a severe mental disability and came away with only a cleft lip. But a beautiful Joaquin Phoenix-esque cleft lip, after the surgery. Cheryl believed the Surgeon’s General was sabotaging the tobacco and alcohol industries with his nonsensical recommendations for pregnant women.
Bobby was supposed to be a boy and when the ultrasound proved otherwise, it was too much effort to change the name now. On Bobby’s 7th Birthday, her parents took notice of her above-average domestic capabilities acquired from time spent with the housekeeper and nanny, Blanca. Cheryl saw another opportunity, why pay for help when you can have an indentured servant, free of charge? But even Cheryl knew that her daughter, whom she considered to be “slow or something”, would catch on sooner or later. To justify the need for Bobby to become the full time help and quit her schooling, Cheryl decided that impending death was the best route to take. Her and poor Bob were dying of the pancreatic cancer. But even the best con men get conned. Bobby, after years of servitude and mental abuse, had finally caught on to the multitude of lies her parents had been feeding her. Never underestimate a child with internet access.
With all of her known life sabotaged by Bob and Cheryl, Bobby spent the rest of her days as a legal minor making sure life came full circle for the two of them.
I live in New Orleans, Louisiana where I am an Environmental Scientist for the state by day, and a fiction writer by night.
Thank you for your time and consideration.