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Israel Falls (Sci-fi)

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#1 jjf3rd77

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Posted 07 October 2018 - 07:28 PM

Hi Everyone,

 

I've re-worked my novel's POV and I've had a lot of fun writing it in first person diary format. I've written about four pages so far and two log entries, but before I go forward I want to know does this work? 

 

Log…1? 
I fucked up. It wasn’t just the end of the world that I was facing. No, it was the end of everything. Well technically the space-time continuum basically ate itself as much as I understood the topic. Time Travel was never my purview. But that’s what happens when you are tasked to save the world, you don’t know what you are doing, and you fail. 
I struggled with whether or not I should actually write this damn thing. There’s no telling whether or not anything would even read this. But I look at it as a mental exercise disguised to help me figure out a way out of my particular predicament. Who knows perhaps retracing my steps will help me. Where’s the clue? That’s what I’m good at. I gotta figure out how the suspect—in this case me, destroyed the universe. I also have to figure out how to reverse it, if possible. 
My first step in writing this thing was to figure out a new way to actually tell time in order to organize my thoughts in a clear and concise manner. Since there technically isn’t time anymore thanks to my screw up and there’s no constant to tether past, present or future. It can be quite challenging to write this thing in narrative format. You know the normal, “One sunny day a long time ago, Mr. Henry Wilson went to work, like it was any other day.” Nope can’t be done. The timeline would be a complex mess... 


#2 Dollophead

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Posted 09 October 2018 - 08:03 PM

Log…1? Not sure if this is your title or just you being undecided on the chapter titles, but I like it! If it's going to be in diary format, titling each chapter Log X would be awesome.
 
I fucked up. It wasn’t just the end of the world that I was facing. No, it was the end of everything. Well technically the space-time continuum basically ate itself, as much as I understood the topic. Time Travel was never my purview. But that’s what happens when you are tasked to save the world; you don’t know what you are choose between contractions "you're" and the standard "you are" to make your narration consistent doing, and you fail. 
I struggled with whether or not I should actually write this damn thing. There’s no telling whether or not anything would even read this. But I look at it as a mental exercise disguised to help me figure out a way out of my particular predicament. Who knows--perhaps retracing my steps will help me. Where’s the clue? That’s what I’m good at. I gotta figure out how the suspect—in this case me--destroyed the universe. I also have to figure out how to reverse it, if possible. Pretty intriguing. 
My first step in writing this thing was to figure out a new way to actually tell time in order to organize my thoughts in a clear and concise manner. Since there technically isn’t time anymore (thanks to my screw up) and there’s no constant to tether past, present or future, either. It can be quite challenging to write this thing in narrative format. You know the normal, “One sunny day a long time ago, Mr. Henry Wilson went to work, like it was any other day.” Nope can’t be done. The timeline would be a complex mess... 
 
You would definitely benefit from a line editor. There was some superfluous wording and grammar errors, but your writing quality is strong. Maybe the hardest challenge about writing in diary format is setting the scene--but please don't forget to do that! 


#3 jjf3rd77

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Posted 11 October 2018 - 12:17 PM

 

Log…1? Not sure if this is your title or just you being undecided on the chapter titles, but I like it! If it's going to be in diary format, titling each chapter Log X would be awesome.
 
I fucked up. It wasn’t just the end of the world that I was facing. No, it was the end of everything. Well technically the space-time continuum basically ate itself, as much as I understood the topic. Time Travel was never my purview. But that’s what happens when you are tasked to save the world; you don’t know what you are choose between contractions "you're" and the standard "you are" to make your narration consistent doing, and you fail. 
I struggled with whether or not I should actually write this damn thing. There’s no telling whether or not anything would even read this. But I look at it as a mental exercise disguised to help me figure out a way out of my particular predicament. Who knows--perhaps retracing my steps will help me. Where’s the clue? That’s what I’m good at. I gotta figure out how the suspect—in this case me--destroyed the universe. I also have to figure out how to reverse it, if possible. Pretty intriguing. 
My first step in writing this thing was to figure out a new way to actually tell time in order to organize my thoughts in a clear and concise manner. Since there technically isn’t time anymore (thanks to my screw up) and there’s no constant to tether past, present or future, either. It can be quite challenging to write this thing in narrative format. You know the normal, “One sunny day a long time ago, Mr. Henry Wilson went to work, like it was any other day.” Nope can’t be done. The timeline would be a complex mess... 
 
You would definitely benefit from a line editor. There was some superfluous wording and grammar errors, but your writing quality is strong. Maybe the hardest challenge about writing in diary format is setting the scene--but please don't forget to do that! 

 

 

Oh thanks! It's a very rough draft. I didn't even edit it. The first page of the novel is literally him (and in a sense my own thoughts about the problems telling this story) thinking out loud trying to collect his thoughts on how to tell the story about what happened. How to organize everything and why he decided to label the logs in this way. The end of log 1 explains he added the question mark because he could easily place the first log at the back of the diary. Log 2 sets up the setting and the following logs drills down into the complexity and the mythology of what happened and why he thinks he was the one who messed up.  Though due to the nature of time travel that's not exactly clear, and he wasn't even a top suspect. 

 

Not sure where to place more of the story on this site, I'd like to share more when I'm ready.







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