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IN GOD'S HOUSE - MOSTLY TRUE TALES FROM THE AFTERLIFE (Short Stories)


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#1 jo-

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Posted 25 June 2011 - 02:28 PM

I joined the group recently and have read everyone's query letters avidly. I don't feel I know enough yet to critique any and have been procrastinating posting my own but here goes....feedback gratefully welcomed!!



Dear Agent;

Adolf Hitler is about to walk through the pearly gates and God doesn't have a clue what to do with him.

God isn't that stern fellow sitting on a cloud that most of us were raised to believe in. IN GOD'S HOUSE - MOSTLY TRUE TALES FROM THE AFTERLIFE, God, like most CEO's, doesn't have enough hours in the day, or in his case, eternity to do everything he needs to do.

In my collection of humorous short stories, God mediates a roommate dispute between Al Capone and Alexander the Great and he smoothes William Shakespeare's ruffled feathers when fellow writers F. Scott Fitzgerald and Jane Austen dare to criticize his new play. He chats with Moses about some missing commandments and runs into Elvis Presley in the cafeteria and learns about the price of fame. God meets and talks to everyone from Sigmund Freud to Groucho Marx and along with his faithful mutt Frank, dispenses provocative wisdom and gives both the folks in heaven and here on earth some deep thoughts to ponder.

I have published poetry several times in the Canadian poetry anthology Quills as well as being short-listed for the "Tracking a Serial Poet" contest in the poetry magazine Lichen. I have also received an Honourable Mention for my poem "Saga of a Horny Bird" in Existere.

My professionally edited manuscript, IN GOD'S HOUSE - MOSTLY TRUE TALES FROM THE AFTERLIFE is complete at 50,000 words.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

#2 J. A. Stephens

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Posted 25 June 2011 - 04:05 PM

Wow! What an awesome premise! You're hook is intriguing and the synopsis would have me wanting to request your MS. No suggestions here. Good Luck!
BTW don't be shy about giving advice. That's what we're here for. You can try mine if you like...The Propagation. :biggrin:

#3 Petal65

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Posted 25 June 2011 - 04:10 PM

I like this premise, but it is notoriously hard to get a collection of short stories published without having been published in that genre before. Why don't you try sending some of these stories to a journal or magazine?

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#4 DHero

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Posted 25 June 2011 - 06:03 PM

I think the second paragraph could use a little tweaking. Like, something that makes God sound a little less tolerant of annoyances, or something about those annoyances wearing him down.

Looking at the situations in the main paragraph, mentioning a CEO with this style would make me think God's sending him to hell.

I think the concept is really, really cool, with lots of room for funny situations/ranting and such. If I saw this at a book store, I would probably pick it up.

#5 anne

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Posted 25 June 2011 - 07:47 PM

Novel In stories maybe? Might be a better market. Other than that, I am not so qualified to edit--sounds good to me.
GL

#6 wendywtw

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Posted 26 June 2011 - 06:06 PM

I think it sounds like a great read. It's also different. Your hook is also really effective.

#7 the transylvanian

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Posted 26 June 2011 - 09:18 PM

Great Query. Your title throw me off: I sincerely belived to have some sort of spritual motive. But beside having some more of my kind of reaction, the only suggestion I would make is not to mention that your manuscript is professionally edited: they are expecting to be. Best of luck to you.

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#8 Tom Preece

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Posted 26 June 2011 - 11:55 PM

Its been many years since I looked but these are the kind of stories that Fantasy and Science Fiction used to welcome. I don't know if that's the right market now, but why get paid twice and maybe build your audience? If you can shop the first one you can probably shop them one at at time

I don't remember the author or the name of the story but years ago there was a brilliant one in F&SF about God as a architect on commission who has to meet all the objections of the politically correct about creation. It would fit right with yours.

#9 jo-

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Posted 27 June 2011 - 11:22 PM

J.A. - Thanks for saying the hook is intriguing! I read somewhere that the hook should be one sentence to try and hook literary agents into reading the rest of the query - I'm hoping this one will do the trick!

Petal65 - I've thought of sending them out to magazines/journals and I still might do that. I'll do some research on magazines/journals to see what would be a good fit - thanks for the nudge!

DHero - You've got me thinking about that second paragraph - I'll take another look.

anne - I feel unqualified to do the editing thing as well - just wanted to say thanks for your comment.

wendywtw - Thanks for the comment.

the transylvanian - Hmm...I wondered if people would think it was a book with spiritual stuff in it and that's what I hoped my title would convey. What I tried to do was weave together humorous stories with spiritual lessons - I hope it works!

Tom - I have wondered about the fantasy genre for my stories - I'll have to do some research - thanks for the prompt.

Thanks to all of you for taking the time to comment - it is greatly appreciated.

#10 Moonshade

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Posted 28 June 2011 - 01:26 AM

Dear Agent;

Adolf Hitler is about to walk through the pearly gates and God doesn't have a clue what to do with him. Why not?

God isn't that stern fellow sitting on a cloud that most of us were raised to believe in. IN GOD'S HOUSE - MOSTLY TRUE TALES FROM THE AFTERLIFE, God, like most CEO'sIs he a CEO? The way you describe him later on, I almost see him as a landlord, doesn't have enough hours in the day, or in his case, eternity to do everything he needs to do.

In my collection of humorous short stories, God mediates a roommate dispute between Al Capone and Alexander the Great and he smoothes William Shakespeare's ruffled feathers when fellow writers F. Scott Fitzgerald and Jane AustenThat's a ton of names right there. dare to criticize his new play. He chats with Moses about some missing commandments, and runs into Elvis Presley in the cafeteria and learns about the price of fame. God meets and talks to everyone from Sigmund Freud to Groucho Marx and along with his faithful mutt Frank, dispenses provocative wisdom and gives both the folks in heaven and here on earth some deep thoughts to ponder. This last line has me scratching my head on what the goal of this book is. Is it a work of fiction, or are the stories tailored to convey a specific message, a la "Chicken Soup for the Soul"?

I have published poetry several times in the Canadian poetry anthology Quills as well as being short-listed for the "Tracking a Serial Poet" contest in the poetry magazine Lichen. I have also received an Honourable Mention for my poem "Saga of a Horny Bird" in Existere.

My professionally edited manuscript, IN GOD'S HOUSE - MOSTLY TRUE TALES FROM THE AFTERLIFE is complete at 50,000 words.

Thank you for your time and consideration.


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