So, not a great query. The hook needs help, as well as the rest (and yes I know the title could be better –it is not of my concern right now). I’ve revised multiple times, but the words need fresh eyes from you fellow writers. Thank you in advance.
Selfish people will always be happy, or at least that’s what Saige’s parents say right before abandoning her as a child.
Eight years later and the clan still pities poor 17-year-old Saige. Though piteous stares follow her everywhere, Saige is glad her parents left; it taught her an important lesson about caring only for her own needs. So when foreign soldiers suddenly invade her clan, of course the lesson is still heavily ingrained in her, reminding her of her self-preservation above everyone else’s. Chaos ensues as the clan adults are rounded up like cattle, soldiers abducting every healthy adult to fight in a war hundreds of miles away.
Following in her parents footsteps, Saige packs quickly, feeling no guilt over abandoning the clan. Most likely, she would have been safely far away if her sister hadn’t delayed her by refusing to leave with her. She digs her heels down, unwilling to go unless Saige takes the remaining clan with them to the safe haven of the winter village. But with a dozen young children to look out for while traveling across a barren land that is likely to kill them from cold or hunger, Saige doubts the likelihood that she’ll be able to save anyone, least of all herself.
The Bare Snow is...(will complete last sentence separately)