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Assassin's Web [Thriller]

Blurb thriller

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#1 rtburke

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Posted 21 December 2018 - 07:06 PM

I'm looking for advice on the blurb for a forthcoming book. Any feedback or advice is welcome.

 

 

At the outer reaches of the Internet is a dark online world where goods can be bought and sold, hidden from the prying eyes of law enforcement.

Schoolteacher, Alex Parrott, discovers a hand-written note containing the address and login credentials for a website. But this is no ordinary website; instead, the link points to the Dark Web. When he accesses the site, he learns it isn’t selling illegal substances or stolen credit cards. The only items for sale are assassination contracts.

The Dark Web is supposed to be anonymous, but somebody knows what Alex has seen.

Within a few hours, he is on the run from a ruthless hitman and top of the police’s most wanted list, accused of a string of horrific murders.

As the net tightens, Alex must stay alive long enough to uncover the truth and clear his name.

 

 

 

Thanks for reading!



#2 lnloft

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Posted 22 December 2018 - 09:32 AM

I assume this is a blurb for the back of the book or a description on Amazon, yes?

I’m on my phone, so it’s tough to do a line by line critique, but for quick edits you should remove the commas around Alex’s name the first time you mention it.

For content, it’s not bad, but I’m a little unsure of why just seeing the stuff puts him on everyone’s most wanted list. I’d also like to see a little more specifics on what he has to do to uncover the truth. Doesn’t have to be much, just a hint like, “infiltrate a dangerous world of assassins and crime lords in order to find the truth and clear his name,” or what have you. Lastly, I don’t know if the first paragraph is doing enough, as you referr to “goods”, but then the next paragraph talks about how it’s not that. I think it technically makes sense, because the first paragraph is talking about a whole bunch of websites in general, and the second is referring to the specific one he finds within that group, but the disconnect is enough that I think it could be tightened up.

The outline of your blurb is all there, so now it’s just touching up some pieces. Good luck.

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